Why We Lie About Our Age

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Robert Levithan

"If people knew my real age, I'd never work again." I have heard this plaint more than once. The last time was the day before yesterday, when talking about age with a vivacious, successful Brazilian friend. She doesn't dare tell the truth about her age.

Why do most people lie about their age? Because they think they have to. Our culture at large -- and our gay male culture, specifically -- embody ageism.

Young is good. Older is less good.

On Facebook few people put their year of birth. For online dating sites, not to mention hookup sites, there is such pressure to lie that those of us who tell the truth are odd men out.

When I post my age as 60, men think I'm somewhere between 64 and 75. Again, why do we lie about our age?

Ageism, yes. Internalized ageism, as well. Internalized prejudice is when we operate out of a learned prejudice about something we are: I have been exploring my own internalized homophobia, anti-Semitism, and AIDS-phobia, however subtle or overt, for years.

I lead workshops where we have looked at our internalized prejudice, such as racism, classism, and genderism.

How do we know when we are operating from internalized prejudice? When we try to "pass" without cause.

When we are living in the belief that what we are is less than what other people are; when we have bought into other people's prejudices (which do exist) and perceive danger even when it doesn't exist.

There are situations where honesty about my sexual orientation, my HIV status, or my religious heritage could get me killed.

I would lie or hide if my life were at stake. However, often I observe "passing" behavior when there is no danger.

Most of us will not suffer harm if we are honest about our sexuality or our age. We do, however, suffer psychically, from constant denial of the truth about who or what we.


Read the rest

Gay and Gray: What We Need to Know About Aging Gay Men

via Huffpost Gay Voices, by Perry N. Halkitis Ph.D, M.S

In 2011 the Institute of Medicine released a historic report documenting the health disparities faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals.

This report was call to action for researchers, practitioners, and policy makers to address the burgeoning and often underserved health needs of the LGBT population. In the United States these health disparities coincide with an epidemiological shift: the aging of the American population.

Due to increases in life expectancy and aging of the "baby boomer" generation, or those born between 1946 and 1964, approximately one third of the United States population will be 55 years or older by 2014.

While no direct population figures exists, extrapolations drawn from multiple sources suggests that within the population of older Americans, approximately 1.2 to 1.4 million will be older gay men, a figure more pronounced in urban areas such as New York City, where it is estimated that approximately 5 percent of gay men are 50 or older.

A significant proportion of these older gay men, both nationally and in New York City, live with HIV, and as a group this generation of gay men, to whom I have previously referred as "the AIDS generation," have all been directly impacted by the epidemic.

Despite these critical population characteristics, we poorly understand the health care needs of aging Americans, who, by all indications, will live longer and will have very different expectations regarding their care than previous generations.

And while we fail to truly understand the needs of an the overall aging American populace, we have even more limited information on the health disparities experienced by aging baby boomers who are gay, and only minuscule amounts of knowledge about those who are older, gay, and HIV-positive.

Without such knowledge, we are not equipped to provide effective and meaningful health care to men of my generation.

The facts speak for themselves. Older gay men are more likely than heterosexual peers to have experienced a range of negative mental and physical health conditions throughout their lifetimes.

Most notable of these is the AIDS epidemic, which has unduly impacted men of my generation. To date, gay men account for nearly 50 percent of AIDS-related deaths as well as HIV infections, despite representing only 2 percent of the U.S. population.

Gay men also experience heightened levels of riskier health conditions such as substance abuse and other mental health disorders as compared with their heterosexual peers. Finally, many of this generation of gay men came of age at a time when homosexuality was considered a psychiatric illness.

It was not until 1973 that the American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder.

In effect, the confluence of these factors (homosexuality as a disease, the AIDS epidemic, and the socially imposed stigma of being gay) have unduly and negatively impacted the lives of older gay men, creating emotional and psychosocial stressors that undermine the well-being of men of my generation, a reality that extends into the lives of a new generation of gay men.

While recent advances in gay civil rights are a sign of progress, the fact remains that as a group we still remain under attack -- attacks that perpetuate the stress in our lives and compromise our health. Ecological studies indicate that gay men who live and love in states where gay civil rights are more advanced experience better health outcomes.

The recent passage of marriage equality in the state of New York may, over time, impart such a benefit to future generations of gay men and may counter the venom of politicians such as Rick Santorum and the rest of the Republican presidential hopefuls.

But those of us of advanced age cannot undo the years of victimization and stigmatization, both subtle and not-so-subtle, that we have experienced in our families, in our communities, in our workplaces, and in our nation.

Therefore, it imperative that the delivery of health care to my generation of gay men -- the AIDS generation -- focus on the totality of our existence and consider our life experiences, including how the devastation of the AIDS crisis and a lifetime of bigotry have compromised and shaped our health.

Yet we have little data on the health of older gay men, or gay men in general. Because national, population-based studies do not incorporate questions assessing sexual orientation, and because studies focused on sexual behaviors among older adults include only small numbers of gay men, we lack nationally representative data on the risks, resilience, and needs, as well as the physical, mental, and neurocognitive health, of this population.

In the absence of such knowledge, the delivery of service to an aging gay population will fail to be informed by science, and moreover, policies regarding health care and federal funding will continue to neglect our needs.


Read the rest

Our Aging LGBT Parents

via BayWindow, by Dana Rudolph

How do we help our parents as they age? For adults with non-LGBT parents, there are plenty of resources on how to help parents through the various legal, financial, and emotional issues of growing old. Search the web or your favorite online bookstore for "aging parents," and you’ll be swamped with results.

For adults who wish to help their LGBT parents, however, the resources are far fewer. And while many of the issues older LGBT and non-LGBT people face are the same, some are not.

Let’s not forget: LGBT parents have been choosing to have children together for over 30 years. Those who had children in previous non-LGBT relationships may have had them even before that. Those "children" now in their 30s or older have parents who, if not in their "golden years," are at least starting to turn silver.

Scott French, program manager for the Caring and Preparing program of Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE), said one of the most important things adults with LGBT parents can do is "to have conversations about making sure that your parents have a health-care proxy, a power of attorney, a living will," and a document (called by various names) about what they want done with their bodies after death.

"These are important for everyone, but they’re really important for LGBT older adults, especially if they’re partnered," he said. Unlike opposite-sex spouses, "there is no person who automatically gets to make those decisions" for LGBT older adults.

He also encourages people to talk with their parents about a will. Many people think they don’t need a will if they aren’t wealthy, French said, but noted, "Wills aren’t predicated on somebody who has wealth. They’re essential to be able to dictate what you want to happen to your possessions, whatever they may be."

And for people in same-sex couples, "you don’t always have the same protections, so it’s always better to have it in writing."


Read the rest

Do We Need to Rethink the 'Homophobic' Label?

Very interesting piece. Should we show some empathy and a little bit of understanding towards the people we'd label "homophobic?" Are these misguided folks "homo naive" or plain and simple "homo haters?"


via HuffPo, by Loren A. Olsen

While I was working on my book, "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight," I received a very angry email about my being gay from a man named "George." I challenged the things he said about me, responding, "You don't know me."

George wrote back, "Oh, but I do know you. You have identified yourself as a homosexual, an immoralist. Nothing binds your conscience. Morality is just a matter of taste."

The best way to confront such prejudice is usually to become a real person to the other person and develop a relationship with them. I made some attempts to find some area of common ground. George could never respond to anything I wrote back to him other than to condemn me.

Some would say George is homophobic. I am not a fan of the word "homophobia." Gay men and women struggled for years and years to free ourselves from being diagnosed as pathological deviants. I see little value in attempting to pathologize those who oppose us by labeling them all homophobic.

Prejudice is based on the "Law of Small Numbers": What is true for one must be true for all. Like George, the rules of "in-groups" and "out-groups" dictate that those on one side attempt to define those on the other by applying stereotypical descriptions while never seeking information that dis-confirms their beliefs.

Do we as gay men and women move discourse forward by labeling those who oppose us "homophobes"?

Read the rest.

40 Lessons of 40

via Damon L. Jacobs, openly gay psychotherapist in Manhattan, and author of  "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret To Living The Stress-Free Life You Deserve."
Aging.  We are all going to do it no matter who we are, where we live, or what we believe.  Yet I have found there is much intense fear and shame in the gay community around the most human thing we can possibly do.  

 

I have started writing the "40 Lessons of 40" series here to assist people of any age to realize that getting older can bring empowerment, fun, and freedom, if they learn how to apply certain tools. 

I am thrilled to be turning 40-years-old on April 25th. These are lessons I have learned in forty years that helped me to live, to laugh, to love, and to cope with loss.  I hope they help you to see that the true fountain of youth is the satisfaction and inspiration you get from growing older.

Some sample lessons:

• Don't Condemn What You Don't Understand 
• Sleep Is Important...But Losing A Night Won't Kill You 
• Do What Scares You 
• There Are Two Kinds Of People In The World... 
• Keep The Drama Onscreen
• There Is No Universal Consensus of "Sexy"
• It Is Insane To Argue With The Weather
• There Are Billions Of Dollars Invested In Me Feeling Scared And Sad About Turning 40

Close Relationships of Midlife Gay Men

by Paul Simpson (pictured)

Based on a PhD study at Manchester University (involving 27 in-depth interviews with men living in Manchester and observations in the Village district), Paul Simpson takes a look at the kind of closer friendships and relationships common among gay men in midlife (late 30s - early 60s).

One major concern to come from the study is what stops gay men of different ages getting up, close and personal with each other.
First, it is no surprise that as gay men get older, we use the bar scene less, though more selectively as part of a more varied social/personal life. Single or coupled, the most common story was the classic small circle of close friends - mostly gay men of a similar generation with a fair number of acquaintances.

Read the article.

80 is the new 79

What is important to an 80 year old is “right now,” not a week from Friday, next February, another survey or study or a panel discussion.

On a Monday, Garbo was asked to dinner on Saturday. “How do I know if I’ll be hungry on Saturday?” she asked.

by Leon Liberman

I turned 80 on October 24, which is United Nations Day, a little-known holiday that having lived in a half-dozen countries on four continents I think of as meant for me.

Old age doesn’t sneak up on you. It happens suddenly. It seems that overnight you go from a “beautiful eyes” pick-up line from someone sitting on the adjoining bar stool saying “nice shirt” before they change seats. It’s not without irony that when you hear someone whistle on the street, you look to see who’s behind you or what’s unzipped.

And a sense of humor or even the ridiculous is what’s needed to cope with aging. Without them there’s the temptation to become angry and resentful.

Well-meaning friends have told me that 80 is the new 60. Eighty is nothing other than the new 79. I don’t find comfort in hearing that age is only a number or you’re only as old as you feel so please stop your well-intentioned comforting. I know that I look, feel and act 80.

I’m probably more fortunate than many other 80-year-olds. My doctors care not just for me but about me as well. They share test and procedure results and along with my pharmacist, the unsung hero of HIV treatment, consult one another about the possibility of conflicting prescribed medications.

What is important to an 80 year old is “right now,” not a week from Friday, next February, another survey or study or a panel discussion. On a Monday, Garbo was asked to dinner on Saturday. “How do I know if I’ll be hungry on Saturday?” she asked. We thrive on spontaneity, reminiscence and acknowledgment. We want to share our valued experiences. We still have contributions to make.

More than a decade ago, a hospital social worker to whom I went with a confusing Public Aid problem, introduced me to Ann Fisher, Executive Director of AIDS Legal Council of Chicago, who immediately resolved the problem and has resolved many more since.

I volunteered to keep the Council in its good work and continue to do so. I’m a member of Chicago Area HIV Service Planning Council that assesses needs for HIV/AIDS funding priorities and evaluates how federal Ryan White Part A funds are distributed to the community. I serve on the Council’s Quality Management and Evaluation Committee.

There are opportunities to contribute and share for the aging—welcome opportunities.

Think of aging as a focus, 

not a limitation or a handicap.

I am thankful to have this blog to set things straight about aging and if you will bear with me, there’s something more I’d like all of you to know.

Not long ago, a major HIV/AIDS Chicago treatment facility now in deep trouble because of recent financial mismanagement and threatening to close if it doesn’t receive immediate funding, began a much publicized senior program which was funded in part by a Jewish non-profit grant. I couldn’t imagine what it could do that wasn’t already being done by the senior program at the nearby Center on Halsted so as Exhibit A, I contacted the facility for information and to let it be known that I might be of some use to the program as a volunteer.

I was put on to a young woman who was brought from the East to run the program. This had to be done at some expense. We met and she confided in me that all she had been instructed to do since arriving was to spend time in south side gay bars interviewing older if not aged clients. She was not familiar with the city or communities within it. I did my best to introduce her to some of those who it might be to her advantage to know.

The next thing I knew, she had been replaced by a much heralded advocate for aging gays, a woman who directs the SAGE program and was also brought from the East Coast at an even greater expense. It was my understanding that she would continue with SAGE in the East as well as directing the Chicago program.

Suddenly, there was nothing more about her or the program in the papers so I called and was told by a facility employee that the program which barely got off the ground had been shelved for financial reasons and that she, the facility employee, was responsible for what, if anything, remained of it. That employee later left the facility to take the position as regional SAGE director working out of the Center on Halsted. What a waste of funding which must discourage those who backed the program from considering grants for other HIV/AIDS and/or aging programs.

A suggestion for those who are responsible for programs for the aged: Pick a director who is a local, someone who knows what conditions and experience we have had, preferably someone who is not half our age who can relate to our concerns, problems and needs.

Finally, 

for those of you who are 80 

or pushing it, 

delight in your good fortune. 

Regardless of the shape you’re in, 

every day more is a bonus!

Older Gay and Bisexual Men Needed for UIC Research Study

Are you 55 years of age or older and African American or Latino? We need your input!

We are recruiting men to participate in a focus group discussion or an individual interview.

Focus groups will last 90 min and you will receive $10 in compensation. Individual interviews will last 1 hr and you will receive $20 in compensation. Focus group and interviews will be conducted in either English and/or Spanish depending on participant’s preference, and audio tape-recorded.

If you are interested please call us at 312-996-6346 or e-mail: valles@uic.edu to see if you qualify.

________________________________________

La Salud de Hombres Gay y Bisexuales de Edad Mayor

Estamos buscando hombres gay y bisexuales de edad mayor para participar en un estudio sobre la salud, las relaciones sociales, y la discriminación.

¿Tienes 55 años de edad o más? ¿Eres Latino o Afro-Americano?

¡Necesitamos tu participación!

Estamos reclutando hombres para una discusión grupal o una entrevista individual. La discusión grupal durara 90 minutos y recibirás $10 por tu participación. Entrevistas individuales duraran 1 hr. y recibirás $20 por tu participación.

La discusión grupal y la entrevista individual se harán en Ingles o Español para acomodar tu preferencia y serán grabadas en audio.

Si estas interesado por favor contáctanos: 312-996-6346 o e-mail: valles@uic.edu para ver si calificas.

Aging issues are tougher for LGBTs

via CNN, by Tom Watkins

Excerpt:

Though aging is tough for everyone, it tends to be tougher for people who are gay, according to a report presented Wednesday at the annual conference of the National Council on Aging and the American Society on Aging in Chicago, Illinois.

According to the report, Improving the Lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Older Adults, issues that disproportionately affect LGBT older adults include stigma, isolation and unequal treatment. Together, they translate into their being poorer and sicker and having fewer opportunities for social and community engagement than do their heterosexual peers, according to the report.

Many older LGBTs' financial woes can be traced to the fact that discrimination was legal during their working lives, which often meant thinner paychecks, limited access to health care, fewer chances to build pensions and smaller Social Security payments, the report said.

For example, lesbian couples' Social Security benefits are typically 31.5 percent smaller and gay couples' benefits are 17.8 percent smaller than are those of heterosexual couples, the report said, citing a 2009 study.

Family members provide about 80 percent of long-term care in the United States, but that's not the case with LGBT elders, since they are more likely to be single, childless and estranged from their biological families, said the report.

Read the whole thing.

Leon Liberman: Help is there, just ask for it

My story should have been 

shared long before now and 

I regret not having done so.

by Leon Liberman, for LifeLube.
Read more from Leon here.

When diagnosed as HIV Positive more than a decade ago, I suffered what all newly diagnosed suffer – confusion, humiliation and the fear of ostracization and imminent death. I struggled with concealment... who if anyone should know and from whom my condition should be kept secret.

One of the toughest parts of beginning treatment was downing the first prescribed pill. For someone who never had health insurance and prided himself on being in miraculously good shape in his mid-sixties, I now knew that I would never be without needed medication.

Social Security had referred me to Public Aid for payment of Medicare B premiums because of my low income. Public Aid put on spenddown, which I didn’t understand, and after a short while switched me from one local office to another. The new office to which I had been assigned and dutifully reported claimed not to have been advised of the switch. Not knowing there was help in resolving such problems, I tried unsuccessfully to resolve them myself.

I mentioned the problems I was having with Public Aid to my doctor who suggested that I meet with the hospital social worker about them, which I did. He called Ann Fisher, Executive Director of the AIDS Legal Council of Chicago, and I saw her straightaway.

Ms. Fisher accompanied me to the Public Aid office and using her respected professional position of authority and influence, resolved the switching and spenddown problems, had a miscalculation of my income corrected and saw that I was entitled to benefits not previously offered to me. I have since depended upon Ms. Fisher for help in resolving more legal problems that I never anticipated having. She has always been immediately accessible and thorough in her advice and effective in her assistance.

My purpose in writing is twofold. I want people living with HIV and AIDS residing in Illinois who already have unresolved legal problems and those unaware of benefit entitlements to know of the AIDS Legal Council of Chicago and the completely free assistance and representation available from the Council for those with low incomes - if they don’t already know it.

Problems might be discrimination issues, insurance, Social Security benefits, Medicare, Medicaid, wills and powers of attorney, debtor credit, immigration and/or guardianship for children. Call the Council. There are no recorded menu options from which to choose. A real live person will answer the telephone and put you through directly to Ms. Fisher or someone on the Council staff of lawyers, paralegals and case workers. Spanish is spoken. If the problem is one that the Council is not equipped to handle, you’ll be referred to a service that will.

Also, I want to beg support of readers for the AIDS Legal Council of Chicago’s work in providing those with low incomes and are HIV Positive or have AIDS with help in resolving their legal problems and finding out what they might be entitled to that they can use and are not aware of availability.

Your support is needed for the Council’s continued good work and expansion.

Join members of Chicago’s most prestigious law firms and other concerned donors in supporting the Council by calling Ann Fisher or if she is not available, Ricardo Cifuentes, Council Development Director, for information about the AIDS Legal Council and to find out how you can support its much needed services.

The AIDS Legal Council of Chicago is located at 180 N. Michigan Avenue, Suite 2100, Chicago, IL 60601. The telephone number is 312 427 8990. (Toll free 866 506 3038.) Information is also available on the Council’s website www.aidslegal.com.

As I said, HELP IS THERE, JUST ASK FOR IT.

In Praise of Local Pharmacists

Work at endearing yourself 

to your pharmacist.

by Leon Liberman, exclusively for LifeLube
Read more from Leon here.

Whether we do it or not, we know what should be done to keep ourselves in the best possible working order.  Keep doctor appointments, take medication as instructed, exercise, eat sensibly and hope for the best. 

We trust our health care providers and seldom if ever question them.  If we see more than one doctor and most of us at my age of 78 do it’s important that all of those who treat us be made aware of the advice given and results of tests done.

I recently gave my primary physician the results of blood tests done by my specialty care one.  After reviewing the results, he determined that since my good cholesterol level was low, it should be medically treated, something that the specialty care doctor did not recommend.  Niaspan was prescribed.

I dutifully filled the prescription and read the enclosed information about the drug.  I was to take an aspirin a half-hour before taking Niaspan.

I take Plavix, a bloodthinner, and remembered that I had been told not to take aspirin if using it.  I called the specialty care physician to find out if Niaspan would interfere with any other medication I was taking and about taking aspirin.  The specialty care physician is associated with a respected Chicago treatment facility. 

That’s when the fun or, better said, lack of it began.

A recorded message gave me a list of options from which to choose, none of them relative to my call.  Finally, I was offered the option of pressing 0 to speak with a nurse which I did.  Another recorded message told me that my call could not be answered at that time and I was asked to leave a message which I also did.  I explained my reason for calling and asked that my call be returned as quickly as possible.  It was not returned that day or the following one. 

I called a second time and left the same message.  My calls still were not returned.

Out of desperation, I called my Walgreens pharmacist, Swarup Mehta who was a recent AIDS Legal Council of Chicago Advocate of the Year Award winner (pictured above).  He did something almost unknown today.  He answered the telephone.  I told Swarup my concern and he said that he would speak to my doctor and get back to me which he did.  He told me that the doctor was not overly concerned about my low good cholesterol level and advised me not to take Niaspan and aspirin because I was taking Plavix.

The pharmacist agreed with the specialty doctor’s decision.  A potentially dangerous reaction was avoided and I went out to worry-free shop Macy’s first one-day sale of the New Year.

We know that are doctors are not always immediately available when needed.  They have other patients to accomodate, emergencies arise and even have been known to take vacations.  We’re also at the mercy of recorded messages and menu choices. 

Because they provide the prescription drugs, pharmacists are familiar with our conditions, know about drug interaction and have preferred access to our doctors.  They help in resolving prescription-related insurance problems and can recommend less expensive generic brands and even over the counter substitutes, all with the approval of doctors. 

Doctors I have learned respect pharmacists and even depend upon them for their contribution to the welfare of their patients.

The doctor/pharmacist relationship is teamwork at its best.

Work at endearing yourself to your pharmacist.  Let him or her know how much you depend on the skill and caring.  We need our pharmacist in our corner.

Don’t ask me what I’m doing a week from Thursday

At this point in my life, I’m not interested in spending a weekend night in a Halsted Street bar. What I want is to know about you and what you’re up to. I want to share with you what I’ve done and where I did it, and talk about what should concern all of us.

by Leon Liberman, for LifeLube
Read his other musings.

I’m at it again. As before, I speak for myself but have the proverbial sneaking suspicion that others will agree with me.

I’d like this time around to sound off on some of the ongoing health needs of the aged such as myself that are little-acknowledged, if they’re acknowledged at all.

As older people, we dutifully keep doctor appointments, take our medication as instructed, work out at health clubs, and shop at Whole Foods to eat what’s good for us. If we're lucky, we have friends who keep us engaged with the community around us and we still have the energy and physical well-being to get out and see them.

But it seems as if being out today also means going out. Bars serving shamefully small over-priced drinks flourish. I have longtime good friends to whose home I have never been invited. We meet out for coffee, drinks, lunches, and dinners. It’s not that I don’t welcome being with my friends, but going out isn’t as preferable as being invited over.

Growing up in Chicago during the fifties, I met friends at Drake’s, a coffeeshop/restaurant at the corner of  State and Division. We sat for hours over endless cups of coffee without ever being at a loss for something to talk about.

Of course, we went to the Shoreline Seven (was a gay bar near State and Division) at times, but more times than not, we had our friends and theirs over to our places, even though most of those places were more modest than the places in which people live today.

At this point in my life, I’m not interested in spending a weekend night in a Halsted Street bar. What I want is to know about you and what you’re up to. I want to share with you what I’ve done and where I did it, and talk about what should concern all of us. All of this is or should be as important to keeping healthy as doctor visits, medications, exercise, and diet.

What’s more, now that I’m pushing 80 there’s an immediacy to what I want to do. Don’t ask me what I’m doing a week from Thursday or tell me that you’re writing for theater tickets for something taking place three months from now and invite me to join you. I think of something Garbo once said. She was asked on Monday to dinner on Saturday. “How do I know if I’m going to be hungry on Saturday,” she said.

What became of spontaneity? Are we all leading agenda-full lives at the risk of missing out on something worthwhile that turns up unexpectedly?

I spent many years living in Spain. In Spain, there was no “week from Thursday” or tickets in three months. Spaniards seldom buy theatre tickets before the morning of the day of a performance and will call to ask what you’re up to now or that night. I remember a friend calling one morning to tell me that she had just found something she thought I’d enjoy at the market and would I come to lunch.

I’ve been making the rounds of holiday parties in the last few weeks. Some of the invitations came several months ago. One host proudly told me that there were at least 85 guests at his party. I stayed a couple of hours and could only spend a few minutes with each of some of them.

There’s more to keeping healthy than the oft-repeated doctor visits, medication, exercise, and diet, especially for those of us who are older. Ask us to your place to talk and not suggest meeting at Starbucks. Keep in mind that we’d like to go to the theatre with you , but our modest incomes don’t usually allow for it. Remember that a week from Thursday or three months from now isn’t as much of a certainty for us as it is for you.

I’m computer illiterate and likely to stay that way. I’d welcome your comments and what you have to say about aging, maintaining good health, and suggestions for staying interested, amused, and participating. Jim Pickett at the AIDS Foundation of Chicago will pass on anything sent to me.

Yes there IS a Ms. Santa Claus - at the VA no less!

by Leon Liberman, for LifeLube
Read more from Leon.

Sometimes Santa goes under the name of Floretta Strong-Pulley.

Those of us who are aging and unwell don’t allow for change, indifference and neglect when it comes to the health care we require, are eligible for and entitled to.

I had switched health care provider from the one with whom I began treatment to one who offered more services.I had complete confidence in the doctor who treated me at the new facility and was convinced that I had done right by switching I was more relaxed and hopeful than at any time since having been diagnosed.

Well into treatment, I received a letter from the facility telling me that the doctor left to work for a pharmaceutical company and I was given a list of other facility doctors from which to choose one to treat me.

I thought that I should have been told by my doctor that he was abandoning me for a seemingly more lucrative position since he knew of how much I depended on him and he should have referred me to another facility and a doctor one -  who would best treat me. Fortunately, the pharmacy I use is in the facility. I consulted the pharmacist, an AIDS Legal Council of Chicago Advocate of the Year Award recipient, who knows all of the facility doctors and he not only recommended the one who should treat me but also made an appointment for me to see him.

I have been dependent upon Illinois Public Aid for my Medicare B payment and supplemental medical and hospital costs.  It has been a frustrating and even humiliating experience that I am not deserving of.  Fortunately, Ann Fisher, Executive Director of AIDS Legal Council of Chicago, has intervened on my behalf with Public Aid on several occasions to resolve and correct them myself but was helpless in dealing with a case worker and her supervisors who did not return telephone calls or answer pleading letters.

Just when I thought that that’s the way it’s always going to be, I read in a newspaper about a VA Benefits Fair at the Jesse Brown VA Medical Center in Chicago. Being a Korean War veteran, I went to see if I might be able to profit from it.

I was told that it was only available to those registered for treatment at the Jesse Brown facility, which surprised me. I asked where I could register and a woman who overheard me said that she would take me to the registration department.  She was Floretta Strong-Pulley, Minority Veterans Program Coordinator, Jesse Brown VA Medical Center, and I bless the day that I met her.

I tried to register but didn’t have the proof of service information with me so could not complete the registration forms. I returned the forms to the clerk with an explanation as to why I was unable to complete them.  Floretta again overheard me and took me to another clerk to whom I gave my name, birthdate, and social security number which she then fed into a computer that promptly printed my service record with which I was immediately registered.

Floretta then walked me back to the fair and asked me to call her if there was anything more that she could do for me.  I was convinced that she walked on water.

I received a letter of eligibility for medial and hospital care from the VA and called Floretta to tell her that I had. She asked me to return so that she could arrange for an appointment for me with a doctor who would determine the care I needed and arrange for me to get it.

It doesn’t end there.

After that was done, I told Floretta that I was interested in any other VA benefit that I might be eligible for and would look into it.  She insisted upon walking me over to the nearby VA Headquarters where she arranged for me to immediately see someone who could help me with my inquiry. 

I have nothing but praise for this uniquely caring woman who obviously does much more than she has an obligation to do, and I want as many people as possible to know of her and what she has done for me.  Floretta more than makes up for provider and Public Aid indifference and neglect.  She epitomizes what it means to be a true professional.

I’m looking forward to my initial  Jesse Brown appointment.

YES VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS! 

[Sometimes Santa goes under the name of Floretta Strong-Pulley.]

Heartfelt thanks, Floretta! You’re the best Christmas gift I could receive.

Living Longer, But Aging Faster - Yeah, AIDS is "manageable"

via NPR

The introduction of protease inhibitors and drug cocktails in the 1990s meant that AIDS patients could live longer than ever thought.

Before 1996, when new drugs were rolled out, life expectancy was 18 months post-diagnosis. Now, AIDS patients regularly live decades with the disease. But as these patients live longer, unanticipated side effects — caused by the disease itself, medications to treat it or both — introduce a new set of maladies.

David France, a contributing editor at New York Magazine, was motivated to write a story on AIDS-related aging after noticing that a number of his friends with the disease were having what he describes as cognitive issues.

"[They were] forgetting things, forgetting appointments, forgetting whole conversations," France told NPR's Steve Inskeep.

Researchers are finding that patients who live longer with AIDS also begin to suffer from osteoporosis, various forms of cancer, kidney disease and cardiovascular disease.

Read the rest (and listen to the audio.)

The paradox of aging with HIV

Project Inform forum focuses on HIV and aging 

via Bay Area Reporter, by Liz Highleyman

Aging has become a key focus for people with HIV and their health care providers, but much remains to be learned about the medical and psychosocial aspects of the aging process in this population, which was the topic of a recent forum sponsored by Project Inform.

"We're facing a paradox," said Matt Sharp, Project Inform's new director of treatment and prevention advocacy. Having lived with HIV for more than 20 years, Sharp, 53, described himself as one of the lucky survivors.

"Many of us are thriving and we're dealing less with AIDS-specific issues, but now we're dealing with issues that come with age," he noted.

Read the rest.

I'm 78, I don't have time for another task force or survey

by Leon Liberman, for LifeLube

"When middle-aged or young people look at the situation of the elderly, inevitably they compare it with their own. Then aging seems only a pathetic series of losses- money, freedom, relationships, roles, strength, beauty, potency and possibilities." - Barbara Meyerhoff

Invited by Jim Pickett, Director, Advocacy of the AIDS Foundation of Chicago, I attended the recent LGBTI 2009 National Health Summit. Pushing 78, I was mainly interested in workshops concerned with aging and as a ten-year AIDS Legal Council of Chicago volunteer, such as the Take Charge of Your Health: Legal Tools for Obtaining Healthcare & Eliminating Discrimination.

I came away from the Summit with more questions than answers.

I’m aware of the difference between good intentions and actions and well-meaning efforts and personal agendas.

I was surprised to learn of so many task forces, studies, surveys, polls, focus groups, seminars and needs assessments. I couldn’t help but wonder how much is spent on them and paid to those who conduct them.

Obviously, I don’t subscribe to blind faith, but continuously question, doubt, and demand proof.

What does someone my age require? Primarily an immediate single source for what is available to me from municipal, county, state, federal agencies and privately funded facilities and help in determining eligibility and application. Like many my age, I am computer illiterate so accessing availability and eligibility is difficult. It is already a full-time job dealing with Social Security, Medicare, Public Aid, Medicaid and the Veteran Administration.

I recently read the late anthropologist Barbara Meyerhoff’s book “Number Our Days” and can’t remember relating so thoroughly to and profiting so much from than any summit would have made possible.


Read more »

Am I Too Old to Find Love?

365gay.com has a great advice section, with thoughtful insights on gay love by Joe Kort - check it out!



I’m 58 and have never had a lover, though I’ve always dreamed of having one. Surely I must be doing something wrong? But I feel I’ve waited too long, and that today’s gay culture won’t now be interested in an old guy. It seems that “attractive” and “successful” are the only attributes anyone cares about.

Am I unique in this search? I live alone, have no relatives and few friends-most of them straight and most of them only at work.

- Singled-In in Spartanburg

Dear Singled-In,

I want to help you become singled OUT! So many gay men tell me they want a relationship, but what they really want is a meaningful overnight relationship! They don’t consciously realize it, but their behavior says so, loud and clear. From childhood on up. Western culture is brainwashed to believe that we cannot be happy unless we can maintain a committed relationship. Well, that’s not so! Yes, it’s nice to have a partner, someone you can go through life with-if that is what you want. But it’s not for everyone. So really the first question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I really want a partner?” Really?

Read the rest...

Some gay seniors embrace a newfound openness, others face isolation

'Mr. Straight" out at 61 with no regrets
via Chicago Tribune, by Rex W. Huppke

Marvin Levin was speaking to his psychiatrist in November 2003. The conversation halted briefly as Levin looked away, collecting a thought that had waited decades to surface.

"You know what?" he said, looking up at his doctor. "I'm gay."

At age 61, married more than 30 years, this was an unlikely admission.

"It was the first time I'd ever put words to that," Levin said. "It was like an epiphany. And then I looked back on my life and said, 'You dummy, of course you are.' "

Read the rest.




Gay senior lives less openly in care facility
via Chicago Tribune, by Rex W. Huppke

The love of Victor Engandela's life was a Czech immigrant, an older, square-jawed man, olive-skinned and Hollywood handsome with a shock of white hair and an unfailingly gentlemanly manner.

Joseph was his name. There are pictures of him pressed in a yellowed photo album buried on a shelf in Engandela's room at an Evanston home for seniors.

"I was with him," Engandela said, "until he took his final breath."

He shares these photos, and stories of a rich life, with no one but the occasional visitor, spending most of his days isolated from his past, surrounded by contemporaries born in an age when homosexuality was taboo.

Read the rest.

"At this point in my life, I can't believe I have to feel this way," Engandela said. "I have a lot of memories I'd like to share, a lot I'd like to talk about. But I feel like I can't, and I shudder when I think I have to spend the remaining years of my life in this place."

The Gay Generation Gap

via New York Magazine, by Mark Harris

Forty years after Stonewall, the gay movement has never been more united. So why do older gay men and younger ones often seem so far apart?

This week, tens of thousands of gay people will converge on New York City for Pride Week, and tens of thousands of residents will come out to play as well. Some of us will indulge in clubbing and dancing, and some of us will bond over our ineptitude at both. Some of us will be in drag and some of us will roll our eyes at drag. We will rehash arguments so old that they’ve become a Pride Week staple; for instance, is the parade a joyous expression of liberation, or a counterproductive freak show dominated by needy exhibitionists and gawking news cameras? Other debates will be more freshly minted: Is President Obama’s procrastinatory approach to gay-rights issues an all-out betrayal, or just pragmatic incrementalism? We’ll have a good, long, energizing intra-family bull session about same-sex marriage and the New York State Senate, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, Project Runway and Adam Lambert.

And at some point, a group of gay men in their forties or fifties will find themselves occupying the same bar or park or restaurant or subway car or patch of pavement as a group of gay men in their twenties. We will look at them. They will look at us. We will realize that we have absolutely nothing to say to one another.

And the gay generation gap will widen.

Read the rest.

Check out the LifeLube/Project CRYSP "Generation You" podcast forum on this very topic.

I am a 77-year old gay man

There is help for older gays but few know where to go for it and if they do, are embarrassed to ask for it. It is important to let it be known that help is available, where it can be found and that it will be offered with dignity.

by Leon Liberman
(pictured above, with Fausto Fernos, at the Generation You forum)

I speak from my conditioning and experience only. I don’t claim to represent those of other aging gay men and most certainly not those of lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders about whom I know little and with whom I don’t relate.

Words such as gay, dating partner and community are not comfortably used by me. I didn’t grow up with them as young gays have. I use them but prefer companion to partner which to me smacks of a business relationship, society to community and resent the assumption that because I am gay, I should automatically accept to be included in some kind of fraternal-like brotherhood that represents me socially and legally.

My conditioning and experience is far different than that of younger gay men. My spheres of awareness and reference are also different. When I grew up, being gay was thought of as a shameful illness and something dirty. It was kept secret from family and friends for fear of punishment and ridicule. If confronted with it, it was vehemently denied. My father once asked me if I was a pervert. Of course, I told him that I was not and it was never mentioned again. My parents were not sophisticated people. Had they known and admitted that I was gay, they would have thought that they were responsible for me having been that way and would have been shamed by it. That was the prevailing attitude of the times.

I did everything possible to avoid suspicion or confirmation. I lied more times than not about how I met the people I knew and where I was going or had been.

Now, of course, things are different. Parents can be told and are supportive, families watch gay pride parades together, television programs have brought non-threatening gay relationships into homes where the subject had never been brought up, celebrities and elected officials admit to being gay without their careers being affected and schools and religious, government and privately funded programs offer counseling, opportunities and defense. I recently saw a cartoon of a five- or six-year old who had just come home from school that day. The caption was “Today I learned that gay also means happy.”

How old is older within the gay community? SAGE is a national organization meaning Senior Action in a Gay Environment yet SAGE as it is used at the Center on Halsted, Chicago’s new gay community center, stands for Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders. Elder is a word that should only be used with statesman. You have to be 62 to collect Social Security, 65 to qualify for Medicare and 65 to get a discounted RTA pass. The Center on Halsted considers 45 the starting age for participation in its senior programs. Elder at 45!

There are those who need support from families and friends more than others, especially those with few friends or who have outlived friends and companions and those without families or good family relations. If you are dependent upon such support, there is the tendency to respond to it as you are expected to so as not to jeopardize the needed support and provision and seem ungrateful. There is the danger of losing the support.

Financial stability is a major concern of most aging gays as it is of non-gays. Not everyone saved their money and bought a condo. There are those who end up being dependent on Social Security, SSI and Medicaid cash benefits and health care and food stamps. Some with low incomes are eligible for VA pensions, health care and other benefits. A friend in Florida found such dependency so humiliating that he ended his life. Sometimes there is a problem in coordinating benefits and help in finding out about entitlements is not easy to find.

Some if not many older gays are HIV Positive or have AIDS and when they were diagnosed were convinced that death was imminent. They used savings, maxed out credit cards, quit jobs, sold life insurance policies and withdrew retirement benefits to live well until they died. New treatments prolonged lives and now they find that they have no means, no nest egg, are plagued by creditors, are unemployable and forced to throw themselves on the mercy of SSI, Medicaid and charitable institutions.

How are older gays thought of by other gays and straights? More times than not, straights think of them as predators and even pedophiles. Younger gays think of them as lecherous old men who make unwanted advances.

All older men whether gay or straight still have sexual fantasies and desires and they’re not about men or women their age. For older gay men, meeting someone in a gay bar seldom if ever happens. Most bar clientele is very young and not interested. Options are few. Men of means can pay for sex and considering the number of ads for services or escorts in gay publications, many do. Others forcibly resort to dangerous behavior in public places and darkened porno shops and theatres. The risk of catching venereal diseases and worse is high. Health conditions are never revealed. Chances are taken out of necessity and not by choice.

There is help for older gays but few know where to go for it and if they do, are embarrassed to ask for it. It is important to let it be known that help is available, where it can be found and that it will be offered with dignity. Those who are HIV positive or have AIDS should choose treatment from doctors or facilities that are familiar with problems peculiar to older gay patients and can accommodate their needs by directing them to the services that they require if they’re not provided in-house.

[Read Leon's answer to "how are you healthy?"]