Our Aging LGBT Parents

via BayWindow, by Dana Rudolph

How do we help our parents as they age? For adults with non-LGBT parents, there are plenty of resources on how to help parents through the various legal, financial, and emotional issues of growing old. Search the web or your favorite online bookstore for "aging parents," and you’ll be swamped with results.

For adults who wish to help their LGBT parents, however, the resources are far fewer. And while many of the issues older LGBT and non-LGBT people face are the same, some are not.

Let’s not forget: LGBT parents have been choosing to have children together for over 30 years. Those who had children in previous non-LGBT relationships may have had them even before that. Those "children" now in their 30s or older have parents who, if not in their "golden years," are at least starting to turn silver.

Scott French, program manager for the Caring and Preparing program of Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE), said one of the most important things adults with LGBT parents can do is "to have conversations about making sure that your parents have a health-care proxy, a power of attorney, a living will," and a document (called by various names) about what they want done with their bodies after death.

"These are important for everyone, but they’re really important for LGBT older adults, especially if they’re partnered," he said. Unlike opposite-sex spouses, "there is no person who automatically gets to make those decisions" for LGBT older adults.

He also encourages people to talk with their parents about a will. Many people think they don’t need a will if they aren’t wealthy, French said, but noted, "Wills aren’t predicated on somebody who has wealth. They’re essential to be able to dictate what you want to happen to your possessions, whatever they may be."

And for people in same-sex couples, "you don’t always have the same protections, so it’s always better to have it in writing."


Read the rest

How is Bill Rydwels healthy?

[Bill is a featured panelist at the May 20
live podcast forum Generation You.]

I have kept myself healthy and alive, these past twenty-five years of being HIV-positive... by living.

Twenty-five years ago I returned to Chicago to say good bye to my family and expected that within a year I would be dead. Fortunately, with the help of friends made at TPAN and all the positive people who worked to keep us alive, I learned that if you expect to die you might as well do so immediately. By LIVING, and I do mean living the life you've set out to do, you will live. I have reached an incredibly adult age by doing all that I've always wanted to do.

I've shared experiences of joy and sorrow with the most beautiful people one could hope to meet. I've traveled the major inhabited world from North America, to Europe, to South America, Africa, Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Central America and met my fellow men and women who accepted me into their homes and hearts without question. I've to love people for who they are; and not judge them by preconceived notions of the ill-informed.

By LIVING I have learned to live as healthily as possible and the only change in my life pattern has been adjustments in my daily health care. Without these I wouldn't be here now and, maybe, someday I'll have a chance to meet YOU and live a bit more.

-- Bill Rydwels
Chicago

How are you healthy?
Join in the conversation.
Tell us HERE. Send a pic to the same place.
And we'll blog it, right here.
Read past posts.
Learn more about the campaign.

Quigley asks for hefty earmark for LGBT seniors

New Congressman Quigley Requests Millions In Earmarks -via HuffPo

Here is one of 'em (he is trying to hook up our friends Vida/SIDA also)

Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Elders (SAGE)

Recipient: Center on Halsted, located at 3656 N. Halsted Street, Chicago, IL 60613

Request: $475,000 through the Health and Humans Service's HRSA account.

Description: This century has seen a growing number of seniors dealing with not only the challenges of becoming older, but also with challenges unique to being LGBT seniors. These challenges include dealing with the consequences of financial inequities directed toward LGBT community as well as lingering stigmatization, particularly among providers of senior services. This funding will be used to improve the quality of life for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender seniors through a well-established model of wellness care.

Read the rest of the article, including a list of ALL the earmarks.

Gay elders' distinctive challenges get closer look

NEW YORK (AP) — Frank Carter (pictured above left) was once a globe-trotting professional dancer; his world is smaller now. He battles multiple health problems, walks with a cane and rarely leaves his compact Manhattan apartment.

As an 86-year-old gay man, with no family nearby and many acquaintances long since dead, he'd seem a likely prospect for isolation.

Instead, he has kindled a deep, five-year friendship with Gigi Stoll, a fashion model-turned-photographer half his age. Stoll helps Carter with medical arrangements, writes to him when she travels overseas, and sat with him for six hours during his most recent hospitalization.

"The other guys in the hospital, no one was coming in to see them," Carter said. "To get that gift, you have to be lucky."

It's not just luck. Stoll came into his life though a program that matches infirm gays and lesbians with volunteers who commit to making weekly visits.

Long overlooked by society at large, and even by younger gays, elderly gays and lesbians are emerging as distinct community, getting more help and attention as they confront challenges that differ in many ways from their heterosexual counterparts.

Advocacy groups say the estimated 2.5 million gay seniors in America are twice as likely to live alone, four times less likely to have adult children to help them, and far more fearful of discrimination from health care workers.

Many fear anti-gay animosity or bias at senior centers, in nursing homes and from health care providers. Some gay elders even keep their sexual orientation secret from the home health aides who may provide their only sustained company.

A watershed moment comes this month, when the AARP — the largest advocacy group for Americans over 50 — for the first time sponsors a major national conference focused on gay and lesbian aging. It's being organized by SAGE (Service and Advocacy for GLBT Elders), the New York-based organization which counts Carter and Stoll among its thousands of clients and volunteers.

AARP's involvement is "a big breakthrough," SAGE executive director Michael Adams said. "To step forward and sponsor a conference of this high profile and splash your name all over, it's a quantum leap."

There will be workshops on a whole array of issues: mental health care and suicide prevention, transgender seniors, rising levels of HIV/AIDS among gay men over 50, and special challenges facing elderly gays in suburbs and small towns.

"There are very particular areas that make us a more vulnerable constituency of old people," said Amber Hollibaugh, 62, an expert on aging with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

"We tend to age alone, with no one to call on in times of need," she said. "We don't have a daughter to move in with us — we don't have a kid to call when we're admitted to the hospital because we fall and break a hip."

Yet some of the somber dynamics are beginning to change. Today's gay elderly do face unique problems — but they also remember the bad old days in the closet, and many celebrate the joys of gay life in the 21st century.

Read the rest.