It's Time: Yes, I'm Gay, and I'm Unapologetic

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Troy Roness

Growing up in North Dakota in an environment abundant with oceans of wheat, vast plains, rolling hills, and wonderful people, it's hard to believe that such a tumultuous journey could lie ahead in a young man's life.

To each outcast, in every sense possible, this piece is for you.

In a quiet community of roughly 1,000 residents, I lived a fairly "normal" existence. Worshiping in my hometown church, participating in community events, and riding my bike everywhere until dusk was part of everyday life.

But dark clouds gathered in the distance of my sky, and I had no idea a "perfect storm" would soon begin my Stepford-like existence.

For the first 16 years of my life, I was exposed to emotional trauma at home and bullying and teasing in school, and I became very good at trying to make everyone happy.

I wore many hats when tackling my ever-changing surroundings. My mother always instilled in me that there was nothing I couldn't do. I was always encouraged.

Sure, my parents pushed for solid academics, but like all parents, they wanted me to succeed. I embraced being respectful to everyone I was surrounded by and used humor to attract attention in an attempt to separate myself from my insecurities.

I played every sport possible and was even named "Senior Athlete of the Year." However, this "jock" was nervous, hated his looks, and was forced into internal seclusion despite his outward demeanor.

I never realized I was struggling. Everything I was feeling, good, bad, or otherwise, was simply pushed down and nearly unnoticeable.

Fortunately, I was introduced to faith, true faith, during my teen years and embraced all it had to offer. The Lord took my heart at the age of 18 and never let it go. I'll never blame my faith for obstacles I've endured. In fact, it's what keeps me going through the most difficult of times.

Staring at myself in a mirror, I internalized my shame, guilt, and insecurities. I believed my appearance defined my existence.

The perfect grades, the perfect body, and appearing flawless would somehow make me complete. I've learned, though, that we aren't mean to be "perfect"; we're meant to be whole.

College is everyone's opportunity to be free, thrive on their own, and separate from their roots, right? Well, with no idea of where life would take me, I spiraled into an addiction to exercise, paired with anorexia -- aka "eating disorder not otherwise specified," or EDNOS.

Yes. I'm a guy with an eating disorder, a jock, a Christian... and gay. One of the major contributors to my illness was the internal fight where faith was my guide and being gay was incredibly wrong.

However, I could never simply throw it away and believe that's why I've struggled for so long.

In an appearance on Dr. Phil in 2009, I sought help and endured six months of residential treatment to begin my recovery. I addressed emotional trauma, my parents' divorce, perfectionism, self-hate, bullying, and family alcoholism.

However, throughout that time, and even the year after, I never addressed the internalized homophobia that manifested out of my desire to please God.

Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders aren't about looking good. Through extreme exercise and trying to control what I could, the physical, I nearly killed myself, twice, by pushing my body to the brink, enduring self-punishment and starvation.

I've drawn my own conclusions about the responses I'll receive concerning my sexuality: avoidance, hatred, acknowledgment, and pity. Just FYI, I'll take any of those responses but pity. It's taken so long to be where I am and to find my voice, so I'll never regret the journey here.

Telling a few loved ones that I'm gay has been interesting, but most people who know me are learning this for the first time as they read this piece. Aug. 31, 2010 was a first step.

On that day I received the craziest response: acceptance. That's the response I'd feared. Odd, right? Even more terrifying, though, was that that person had "wondered" about my sexuality for some time.


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[VIDEO] Out Airman Will Raise Funds for HIV

via Advocate, by Michelle Garcia

A gay airman who came out to his family and the world the day "don't ask, don't tell" was officially repealed, announced that he will raise funds for HIV programs by joining the AIDS/LifeCycle this June.

Randy Phillips, a member of the U.S. Air Force stationed in Germany, will ride 545 miles with thousands of other participants from San Francisco to Los Angeles, with a personal goal of raising $10,000.

He's now asking for pledges from the big YouTube following that he's accumulated since coming out last year.

"There's so much stuff I could do with [this platform]. I could show you dumb kitten videos, I could try to sell you corny shirts that nobody wears, or I could try to do something good in the world," he said in a YouTube video.

Phillips said he was compelled to join the ride after speaking with filmmaker Ryan Yezak, who created the short clip "The Gay Rights Movement," which also went viral on YouTube earlier this month.

Phillips added, "I haven't been on a bicycle since high school — an actual pedal bicycle. I've never rode 545 miles, but I signed up to do the AIDS/LifeCycle."

Funds raised by AIDS/LifeCycle go directly to HIV services offered by the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.






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Hate the Gays? Imagine the World Without Us

via Huffpost Gay Voices, by Kergan Edwards-Stout

In our current political discourse, right-wing politicians continue to demonize the LGBT community in sad and desperate attempts to rally their base.

While, happily, their efforts have not been as effective as in the past, any attempt to make gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people feel anything less than equal can lead to devastating consequences, as the ongoing string of youth suicides so painfully highlights.

Any preventable loss of dignity and human life must be stopped. The question is, "How?"

While prior efforts have focused on the issue of harassment, it is time for the LGBT community to take the dialogue one step further.

When you are a teen, simply waiting for your next birthday can seem like an eternity. Telling our youth that life will indeed get better, some years into the future, is not enough.

We must instead create a world in which there is no longer any shame in being gay. We must show that each and every one of us has something of value to contribute to this world, period.

The first step is creating discussion with the haters around where their anti-gay beliefs come from, and challenging those beliefs with facts.

But we then need to take that dialogue even further and examine more closely what they hope that such convictions will ultimately achieve.

Typically, those who hold negativity toward those who are LGBT can be placed into two main camps: those who believe that being gay is unnatural, going against nature, or those who believe it goes against religious teaching.

With either group, the case can be made to counter such beliefs with facts.

For example, those who believe that being gay is unnatural may be surprised to learn that homosexual activity has been observed in close to 1,500 species, and that such scientific certitudes should be spotlighted. For those who believe that homosexuality violates religious principles, pointing to texts such as the Bible as justification, and dialogue around translation issues, intent, and historical context, might be beneficial.

However, in both situations, while factual evidence might change some minds, most will still be unwilling to let go of long-held beliefs.

My question to them then becomes, "What do you hope these beliefs will achieve?"

Most have never looked holistically at their views, nor tried to fit their beliefs into a larger framework. They were simply told by others that being gay is less than ideal, for whatever reason, and have not challenged that assumption.

If they truly believe that being gay is a sin or abnormal, what then? Does that mean they support the harassment of LGBT individuals?

Do they hope to "convert" LGBT folks to heterosexuality, which no reputable medical or psychological association supports or validates, even going so far as to consider such "conversion therapies" potentially harmful?

Do they want us to remain celibate and single, never experiencing love and affection? Do they wish LGBT people would simply disappear?

If anything, they are creating an environment where gay youth feel that suicide is preferable to life.

But imagine, for a moment, that there were no LGBT people on the planet. Just what would this world look like?

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Religion, Family, and Gay Teen Suicides

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Aaron Anson

It breaks my heart to read about yet another gay youth suicide. What's astonishing to me is that I know of three gay suicides in as many months just among my Facebook friends.

That's a whole lot, considering my relatively small number of friends. Granted, I don't know them all personally, but most of us share the common bonds of like-minded values and a respect for human life.

Current events have caused me to start thinking -- a little deeper than before -- about the senselessness of these tragedies.

As I listened to the "It Gets Better" message produced a month ago by Eric James Borges (who recently took his life), I could hear the pain of abandonment in his voice as he spoke about growing up in a deeply religious -- and deeply prejudiced -- home.

This appears to be a common thread among every gay suicide I've had to ponder. Deep in the fabric of the pain that pushes them to take their own lives is hate, more than likely 
"justified" by the misguided religious beliefs of others.

Most media attention tends to focus on peer bullying as a major factor, and I agree with that to an extent. But often overlooked is the impact of the hateful bullying that takes place right in our own homes.

Dogmatic religious beliefs are the most often used defense against acceptance of gays.

That argument lacks the most credibility and is the least tenable. It's hard to fathom a parent who despises and exudes contempt for their own child, but it's happening all the time.

I have the unfortunate privilege of hearing their stories almost daily, and it never gets any easier. The emails are from gay youths thrown into a reparative therapy of the worst kind: rejection by siblings and parents.

Many are left homeless on the street, with all family communications cut off. They're uninvited to family events, and parents feel that their actions are justified by religious dogma -- it's the Christian thing to do.

Rejection exacerbates the self-defeating nature of hate on a universal level, because it was most likely heterosexual relationships that procreated gay children: black or white, pharmacist or drug pusher, president or car thief.

The simple solution would be for "haters" to not procreate. As unrealistic as that is, it would prevent some hate on the secular level of human existence.

Most aren't willing to abstain from sex; it's a price they aren't willing to pay.

My cousin was a teenager when my family first learned he was gay, and you would have thought an airplane had crashed in our backyard.

The malicious, bigoted religious rhetoric that ensued stunk to the heavens. I'm certain it contributed to my remaining closeted for the next 20 years.

When I finally did come out, you would have believed Jesus himself had shown up in the backyard that time. Their rhetoric was condescending, venomous, and loaded with ill intent.

It felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders. I've since become immune to the dissent, but the pain that these gay youths endure from those supposedly closest to them is simply unimaginable, and it's because they've been indoctrinated with religious beliefs that condone hate.

There are no winners in this religion-driven massacre of human life. The loss of even just one life is a love story that will never be told. If gays (or others) need any justification for rejecting religion and hate-based teachings, it can be found within the family circle, long before the impact of society.

This burden of judgment and condemnation that awaits at home is horrendous and completely unbearable for many.

Families must accept that using language that dehumanizes gays does not make them virtuous -- and it cannot make their children straight -- contrary to what religious beliefs may have taught them. Even if they can't identify with what it's like to be gay, they can still love their gay son or daughter.


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"Pariah Personals" Coming Out Stories by Youth of Color

via GLAAD, by Amita Swadhin

This week, Salon.com teamed up with New America Media to run a series of coming out stories by LGBT youth of color and LGBT immigrant youth. 

Titled "Pariah Personals," the series is inspired by the recently released film "Pariah," a coming-of-age story about an African American teen named Alike, who is embracing her identity as a lesbian. 

The film opened today in New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles with positive reviews.

"Pariah Personals" kicked off on Monday with a piece by GLAAD National People of Color Media Institute participant Jamilah King, news editor for ColorLines. King's story focuses on her process of coming out at age 21 to her single mother, fearful of how her disclosure would affect their relationship. 

She states, "Over the years, I’ve come to understand that 'coming out' is more of a daily commitment than a singular event.

It’s the resolve to live openly and honestly; an affirmation of self-love that needs to be repeated with nearly each encounter.

For my mom and me, it’s been a commitment to at least start a conversation, and to remember the pride we have in one another."

Tuesday's installment featured the story of Jean Melesaine, a Samoan American who struggled to find acceptance within her family once her parents became followers of the Mormon church. 

Melesaine explains that there is room for her identity within her indigenous culture, stating, "Samoans always had two-spirit people in our culture, meaning people who were in touch with both masculine and feminine spirits.

In Samoa they use the terms 'fafa’afine' (like a woman) and 'fafa’atama' (like a man)."  However, once her family converted, Melesaine did not feel that acceptance any longer. 

She states, "One day when I was 5 years old, someone handed me a youth pamphlet. On the cover were young white people with big smiles, dressed in white.

I started flipping through it and reading the passages. There were two things I learned that moment that changed my life.

One, I now had language, a word for what I always thought I was; and two, that I would not enter the kingdom of God." 

This lack of acceptance led her to engage in acts of property theft beginning at age 7, culminating in a jail sentence two weeks before she graduated from high school. 

Now 26, Melesaine is the associate editor and community organizer for Silicon Valley De-Bug, a media collective in San Jose. She states, "Coming out was always like coming home to myself, and at 26, I’m grateful to finally feel at home and I applaud those who are still fighting to find their way home."

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DePaul's first openly gay student president

via dailyherald, by Kerry Lester

While he was growing up in a traditional Italian Catholic household, unexpected story lines about gay and lesbian relationships would occasionally crop up on television shows his family had sat down together to watch.

 “It always seemed to be a point of discussion among our parents that it was wrong,” Alfano, the middle of three children, said.

“Either the channel would be changed or it would get upsetting to watch, uncomfortable for everybody.”

Alfano, in secret, was more upset than any of them, even on the verge of taking his own life.

He was afraid those things at the very center of his world — family, faith and hockey — would reject him if and when the truth of his own life came out.

Today, Alfano has put those worries behind him as the first openly gay student body president in DePaul University's 113-year history, a double major law school hopeful who, in his free time, is a standout forward for the Chicago Gay Hockey Association men's league.

The past several years have been what Alfano, now of Lake in the Hills, calls a “continuous journey” of self-discovery that has tested the bonds of friendship, faith and family.

When Alfano was an eighth-grader at Maria Goretti Catholic School in Schiller Park, he first began wrestling with the idea that he might be gay.

As he came to terms with those feelings over the next few years, he felt compelled to keep everything bottled up inside.

The former captain of the Huntley Raiders varsity hockey team, he was aware of homophobic attitudes that existed both on and off the ice.

“I don't have any family that are out, and I didn't have any really good friends at high school that were out,” he says.

There was no playbook for this sort of thing, he says.

In fall 2008, two months into his freshman year at DePaul, Alfano decided to tell his best friend at home that he's gay.

“She took it incredibly,” he said. That positive reaction helped give him the courage to tell other close friends the news a few months later over Christmas break.

With his family, however, it's taken more time. Alfano told his parents this summer, the most difficult part of his coming-out process.

“My family has embraced it better than I expected,” he said. “It's definitely hard with Mom and Dad. They're still embracing it and accepting it fully.”

His parents were unavailable to comment for this article.

His older brother Peter — who Alfano says has been very supportive — has not returned calls seeking comment.

Catholic doctrine teaches that “homosexual desires” are not in themselves sinful, but acting upon them is.
“I do think being both raised Catholic and coming out has shaped how I view (my faith),” Alfano said.

Right now, instead of identifying himself as a Catholic, he says he's focused on aspects of different religions, a “more holistic view of humanity,” if you will.

While he praises Catholic social teaching, and its respect of “inherent human dignity,” he also admits it's “hard to support an institution which in some way is oppressing you as well.”

Yet, struggles with faith haven't stopped him from success — or acceptance — at DePaul University in Chicago, the largest Catholic college in the country.

Alfano will graduate in June with a double major in international studies and political science.

Alfano, who officially came out to the world on Oct. 10 — National Coming Out Day — says he didn't make an explicit note of being gay during his campaign for student body president.

“My campaign was really focused on the students and the voices of students,” he said.

He says students, as well as the school administration, have overwhelmingly supported him.

In a written statement, assistant vice president Robin Florzak called Anthony's decision to speak about his sexual identity a “courageous personal decision.”

“Anthony is a remarkable young man and student leader, and we hope that his candor helps other young people facing these issues to feel comfortable discussing their orientation with family and friends,” she said.

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"Hate No More" in Uganda

via IrishTimes, by Caelainn Hogan

The brutal murder of gay activist David Kato has motivated more people to speak out, writes CAELAINN HOGAN

“MY BODY is not a battlefield,” declares one poster on a Kampala street. “Uganda belongs to all who live in it,” reads another. On walls across a country known for its condemnation of homosexuality, a simple yet powerful appeal is being made: hate no more.

The Hate No More campaign, launched on August 10th, is a courageous four-month initiative to raise awareness and end discrimination. In addition to the nationwide poster campaign, LGBT activists are engaging in direct dialogue with religious leaders, NGOs, police, health providers and politicians.

“These people exist among you,” says Joshua Muhanguzi of Freedom and Roam Uganda, the organisation spearheading the campaign. “They’re your brothers, your sisters, your parents. So stop the hate.”

In the same month, following widespread international pressure, the Ugandan cabinet finally rejected the 2009 Anti-Homosexuality Bill proposed by MP David Bahati.

While homosexuality is already illegal in Uganda, the Bill sought the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality” and threatened three years’ imprisonment for those who failed to report a known homosexual within 24 hours.

As well as suffering verbal and physical abuse, many LGBT people in Uganda are expelled from school and disowned by their families because of their sexuality. Many are denied medical and counselling services.

“Lesbians have been forced into marriage to cover up their sexuality,” says Joanitah Abang, programmes manager for Freedom and Roam Uganda.

“Others have been raped by family members and friends to cure them of the ‘disease’.”
Campaigning in her home district of Lira, Abang received positive responses from the community, including the police. Local radio stations, however, accused the campaign of recruiting people to homosexuality.

“They claimed I was given money to recruit people; the whole place is on fire, they want to kill me,” she says. “I just tell people, whatever you do, you cannot break me.”

The brutal murder of gay activist David Kato in January was a harsh reminder of the high risks Ugandan activists face, but his death has motivated more people to speak out.


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VIDEO: Coming out in a Cuban Family

via Towleroad, by Nathan Manske

On the Tour, I especially loved hearing stories where I learn even a little about new cultures. That's why I was excited when Nicholas, who grew up in Little Havana in Miami, wanted to share his story.

With Nicholas's story, I never knew where it was going until the very end. The way he sets up Cuban culture, the workplace discrimination, then finally the moment when he tells his parents...you're waiting to find out if it ends happily or not right up until the last bit of his story.

Courtesy of Towleroad

TRUE STORY: ‘I Came Out Of The Closet On Facebook’

via All Facebook, By Ruth-Manuel Logan


An African-American friend of mine credits Facebook with helping him come out of the closet. Here’s his story, told in the first person.

I truly thank God for Facebook because it allowed me to tell everyone whom I had been hiding from that the jig is up. I grew so tired of the lies and deceitful silly games that I had been playing just to appease family, coworkers and a few dear old friends.

Being a gay man is the mother of all marks in the black community. The black church denunciates homosexuality and still does not welcome us with open arms. Congregants would rather travel elsewhere than practice their faith in a “sissy church.”

The day I hit 40, two weeks ago, I thought it was high time I finally grew up. Why was I continuing to hide?  Why couldn’t I reveal that part of me that I did not chose to be?  Why was I continuing to feed into the prejudices and fears about homosexuality?  I needed to break out in a way that was big and all encompassing, and Facebook was the way to do it!

On the eve of my birthday, I pondered how I would come out. I thought of poetic verses, militant prose and even some Biblical lines but then I thought further, “What the hell are you doing man?  Just go for it!”  And I did!

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Like a Tree That’s Planted by the Water

-middle, By Daniel

[Middle passed this wonderful testimony along, saying…]

“My friend Daniel is an inspiration to me.  He’s my co-organizer of the Middle Tennessee OUTsiders, a queer and allies outdoor group,  part of the Nashville Faerie circle as Blanca, and serves the Music City Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence as Sister Deca L'Etage.  Yesterday he chose the occasion of Bastille Day to honor himself and his larger family (blood and otherwise) by coming out to them via Facebook with this, his own declaration of independence.  His tree is planted by deep waters indeed. – middle”

Like a Tree That's Planted by the Water

by Daniel Meney

To my family and friends,

Before the first year of my "adulthood" is over

and while it is still Bastille Day, there is something

I would like to share with you.

I want to tell you what my heart and in turn my mouth

hands have born achingly in silence for twenty years.

I am queer.

I would have told you before now, but through many selfish acts of 

self-preservation it was easier to lie. Now I am moving away from

this economy and culture of fear to one of unconditional love.

A very special person has helped me in this great endeavor.

He has kept my heart, body and mind in the sacred space

that is love for a couple years now. His name is Nicholas.

Many others have helped me along the way. I wouldn't know how 

to love myself the way I am without the love and support of my 

'chosen' family here: friends from my years spent in missions, 

friends from college, and friends from the Radical Faeries, 

especially the NashFae.

I didn't have to come out to all of you. I've been out in Nashville

for several years now and am very comfortable in my own skin, 

but I see a need for those who live in perpetual fear of 

everything, from Muslims to homosexuals, 

to not be babied any more.

This is for them.

Also, here are a few other no-less-small parts of myself

that I want to tell you about:

I am an anarchist, communist and capitalist (in that order).

I am a human being.

I am not afraid.

I will not be moved.

Happy Bastille Day!

Daniel
[photographed above, by Joy McKenzie]

If you have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to

comment.  Please refrain from being theatrical.

There's already enough drama in the world.

It doesn't need adding to.

Who's That Queer? [Anton Hysén]

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

Anton Hysén is a Swedish football player who plays in the Swedish fourth division for Utsiktens BK and is a former member of the Swedish national under-17 association football team.



Anton came out as gay to the Swedish football magazine Offside in March 2011. Daily Mail has described Anton as the "first high-profile Swedish footballer to announce that he is gay".[4] French magazine Têtu stated that Anton may be only the second professional football player to be openly gay, after English footballer Justin Fashanu.

Read more about Anton's coming out.

Gordon Roque Makes it Official

There is a brother among you...

Our Rugby Boyfriend Gareth Thomas Tells Ellen About Coming Out

Gareth Thomas talks about his marriage (to a lady), and what it was like to come out to his wife, family, and team. A must-see - really great.

Who's That Queer? [Ken Mehlman]

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

Kenneth Brian Mehlman is an American businessman, attorney, and political figure who served as the campaign manager for the 2004 re-election bid of George W. Bush and Chairman of the Republican National Committee from 2005 to 2007. On August 26, 2010, Mehlman came out as gay, making him one of the most prominent openly gay figures in the Republican Party.

Prior to coming out, rumors about Mehlman's orientation had circulated since at least 2004. In May 2006, Mehlman denied that he was gay, saying, “I’m not gay, but those stories did a number on my dating life for six months.” On November 8, 2006, comedian Bill Maher made an appearance on Larry King Live, during which he referred to Mehlman as a closeted gay man. The incident became controversial because CNN edited out Maher’s comments in later taped editions and removed the reference to Mehlman's sexual orientation from the transcript of the show. The day after Maher's comments, Mehlman announced he would step down as chairman of the RNC (although reports said that his resignation had been expected for some time)

Almost four years later Mehlman told the press that he is in fact gay, and that he plans to be an advocate for legalizing same-sex marriage. This disclosure followed years of him avoiding and denying inquiries about his sexual orientation. During his RNC chairmanship, Mehlman supported social positions of the Republican Party, including opposition to same-sex marriage. Mehlman claimed that he could not have gone against party consensus, but acknowledged that, had he come out of the closet earlier, he could have impacted Republican efforts to pass state initiatives and referenda banning same-sex marriage.

Source: Wikipedia

Watch: Country Singer Chely Wright Talks About Being Gay

Via Towleroad...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Why I Won't Come Out on National Coming Out Day (TODAY)

via Bilerico, by Yasmin Nair

Note: I wrote this piece last year and am resurrecting it here, with a few additions.

This is the week of the March on Washington. Or, wait, is it the March Through Washington, a city that will be missing most of its lawmakers and the now Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Obama himself on the day of? I won't waste too much time writing about something that seems designed to be little more than a publicity event for a few celebrity queers except to say that my best hope is that the mostly, I suspect, younger crowd that's going to go will come away with a sense of the greed and manipulation of gay politicos, fat cat organisations, and power brokers. And that their hunger for public engagement will eventually be channeled towards more substantial and radical critiques than simplistic calls for "equality" that don't go beyond the usual Holy Trinity of Hate Crimes Legislation, Marriage, and Don't Ask Don't Tell. And that some might want to ask why a march organised as an LGBT-no-Q-thank-you March makes no significant mention of HIV/AIDS or the persistent violence towards and surveillance of queers and why it seems, instead, bent on wrapping itself in a blanket of normalcy designed to get phobic straight people to tolerate us just a leeeeeeettle bit more.

So here's my point: The march is on National Coming Out Day (October 11). The neoliberal fetishisation of identity means that public embraces of the "LGBT" acronym is just another way to increase inequality by pretending that individual identity and relationships matter more than policies that might benefit everyone. In this context, National Coming Out Day takes on the aura of a sacred rite of passage for an entire nation. It's a way to prove that its collective self is tolerant towards its lesbians, gays, bisexual, and transgender citizens.

Read the rest.

NYT - Coming Out in Middle School

by Benoit Denizet, via the New York Times

(Check out his site/blog -also the title of his fantastic book- America Anonymous: Eight Addicts in Search of a Life)


Austin didn’t know what to wear to his first gay dance last spring. It was bad enough that the gangly 13-year-old from Sand Springs, Okla., had to go without his boyfriend at the time, a 14-year-old star athlete at another middle school, but there were also laundry issues. “I don’t have any clean clothes!” he complained to me by text message, his favored method of communication.

When I met up with him an hour later, he had weathered his wardrobe crisis (he was in jeans and a beige T-shirt with musical instruments on it) but was still a nervous wreck. “I’m kind of scared,” he confessed. “Who am I going to talk to? I wish my boyfriend could come.” But his boyfriend couldn’t find anyone to give him a ride nor, Austin explained, could his boyfriend ask his father for one. “His dad would give him up for adoption if he knew he was gay,” Austin told me. “I’m serious. He has the strictest, scariest dad ever. He has to date girls and act all tough so that people won’t suspect.”

Austin doesn’t have to play “the pretend game,” as he calls it, anymore. At his middle school, he has come out to his close friends, who have been supportive. A few of his female friends responded that they were bisexual. “Half the girls I know are bisexual,” he said. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his mom yet, but she found out a week before the dance. “I told my cousin, my cousin told this other girl, she told her mother, her mother told my mom and then my mom told me,” Austin explained. “The only person who really has a problem with it is my older sister, who keeps saying: ‘It’s just a phase! It’s just a phase!’ ”

Austin’s mom was on vacation in another state during my visit to Oklahoma, so a family friend drove him to the weekly youth dance at the Openarms Youth Project in Tulsa, which is housed in a white cement-block building next to a redbrick Baptist church on the east side of town. We arrived unfashionably on time, and Austin tried to park himself on a couch in a corner but was whisked away by Ben, a 16-year-old Openarms regular, who gave him an impromptu tour and introduced him to his mom, who works the concession area most weeks.

Openarms is practically overrun with supportive moms. While Austin and Ben were on the patio, a 14-year-old named Nick arrived with his mom. Nick came out to her when he was 12 but had yet to go on a date or even kiss a boy, which prompted his younger sister to opine that maybe he wasn’t actually gay. “She said, ‘Maybe you’re bisexual,’ ” Nick told me. “But I don’t have to have sex with a girl to know I’m not interested.”

Ninety minutes after we arrived, Openarms was packed with about 130 teenagers who had come from all corners of the state. Some danced to the Lady Gaga song “Poker Face,” others battled one another in pool or foosball and a handful of young couples held hands on the outdoor patio. In one corner, a short, perky eighth-grade girl kissed her ninth-grade girlfriend of one year. I asked them where they met. “In church,” they told me. Not far from them, a 14-year-old named Misti — who came out to classmates at her middle school when she was 12 and weathered anti-gay harassment and bullying, including having food thrown at her in the cafeteria — sat on a wooden bench and cuddled with a new girlfriend.

Austin had practically forgotten about his boyfriend. Instead, he was confessing to me — mostly by text message, though we were standing next to each other — his crush on Laddie, a 16-year-old who had just moved to Tulsa from a small town in Texas. Like Austin, Laddie was attending the dance for the first time, but he came off as much more comfortable in his skin and had a handful of admirers on the patio. Laddie told them that he came out in eighth grade and that the announcement sent shock waves through his Texas school.

Read the rest.

Some gay seniors embrace a newfound openness, others face isolation

'Mr. Straight" out at 61 with no regrets
via Chicago Tribune, by Rex W. Huppke

Marvin Levin was speaking to his psychiatrist in November 2003. The conversation halted briefly as Levin looked away, collecting a thought that had waited decades to surface.

"You know what?" he said, looking up at his doctor. "I'm gay."

At age 61, married more than 30 years, this was an unlikely admission.

"It was the first time I'd ever put words to that," Levin said. "It was like an epiphany. And then I looked back on my life and said, 'You dummy, of course you are.' "

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Gay senior lives less openly in care facility
via Chicago Tribune, by Rex W. Huppke

The love of Victor Engandela's life was a Czech immigrant, an older, square-jawed man, olive-skinned and Hollywood handsome with a shock of white hair and an unfailingly gentlemanly manner.

Joseph was his name. There are pictures of him pressed in a yellowed photo album buried on a shelf in Engandela's room at an Evanston home for seniors.

"I was with him," Engandela said, "until he took his final breath."

He shares these photos, and stories of a rich life, with no one but the occasional visitor, spending most of his days isolated from his past, surrounded by contemporaries born in an age when homosexuality was taboo.

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"At this point in my life, I can't believe I have to feel this way," Engandela said. "I have a lot of memories I'd like to share, a lot I'd like to talk about. But I feel like I can't, and I shudder when I think I have to spend the remaining years of my life in this place."

Coming out by hitting send

Gay youths coming out of the closet and onto the Web

via Chicago Tribune, by Noreen S. Ahmed-Ulla

Moments before Isaiah Freeman-Schub left three years ago to study abroad in Paris, he picked up his laptop computer and wrote a life-changing blog entry.

"I must disclose that I am a Martha Stewart-watching, fashion-abiding, flower-arranging, boxer-brief-wearing, hair-styling, ... Rachel Ray recipe-cooking, vodka-drinking, nail-filing, exfoliated, pec-toning, pocket square-sporting, football-abhorring, Queer-as-Folk-viewing, Kelly-Clarkson-listening, accessory-coordinating, fitness-obsessed, Boystown-going, candle-lighting, fruit fly-leading, necktie-tying, pinky-extending, mirror-looking, GQ-reading, Jake Gyllenhaal-lusting, blow-drying, man-loving FAIRY."

He clicked the submit button, walked out the door and didn't bother checking his messages for days.

Freeman-Schub, 23, is one of a growing number of gays who are outing themselves online. Experts say that while an older generation of gays and lesbians struggled with making public their sexual orientation -- often remaining in the closet well into their adult lives -- the Internet has made it easier for a younger generation to take that step.

The phenomenon is the subject of a local exhibit called "Coming Out Online" by artist Doug Smithenry, who painted images from online video testimonials for the show, which is at the Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted St.

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