[HOT] New Sexual Health Articles on LifeLube

We like to share good articles on gay men's health whenever we can get our hands on them. We've just uploaded a number of great materials on the LifeLube site - check them out.  

In our Online/Offline Sex Resources section of the site, you can find gems like:

Community Perspectives on Developing a Sexual Health Agenda for Gay and Bisexual Men

Trevor Hoppe's fabulous Circuits of power, circuits of pleasure: Sexual scripting in gay men's bottom narratives  

Rectal Microbicides: Can We Make Them and Will People Use Them? by Ian McGowan

What is Sexual Health? Articulating a Sexual Health Approach to HIV Prevention for Men Who Have Sex with Men, by Eli Coleman in AIDS & Behavior.

Plus more articles, websites, presentations. Click here.

Clean Your Kitchen - Guests Are Cumming

Always nice to be reminded of helpful hints such as these for keepin that thing clean
via Mike Alvear of Need Wood?

...Most people don’t need to douche as long as they eat right and shit effortlessly. Believe it or not, taking a dump the wrong way, regularly holding in farts or eating poorly will increase the chances of brown bed sheets.

Read the whole thing here.

Social Bottom in the Bar, Sissy Top in the Boudoir

[we LOVE this]

You are welcome in this community, sissy or otherwise.

via Philly Gay Calendar, by Nicholas Deroose

Excerpt:

For those that know me, you probably would agree that I am really gay. I out people just walking pass them. I like to tell people I have enough gay to go around so don't be shy. I am so loud that most people can hear me before the see me and I say gurrrlfriend with a pitch that makes people think Mariah is in the neighborhood. I am unapologetically gay with every wrist flick, hair toss and booty shake.

So with all my fabulousness, shooting rainbows and butterflies with every step, most people would automatically assume that I am a bottom, and I don't mind if they assume that, because if being called a bottom means being fabulous, than yes, hand me my B-badge. Plus, I find it so much easier to me funny when you're shamelessly loud. I mean how many gay butch comedians do you know? It seems that we have come to equate camp with taking it up the ass. 

Take it all.

Anal sex and the female condom - for you and yours and theirs too

via Washington City Paper, by Amanda Hess

As the District launches a new campaign encouraging women to put female condoms into their vaginas, some activists are focused on getting the device into a different orifice. Michael Petrelis, 51, has been promoting the use of the female condom among gay men since the 90’s. “When I first learned about the device, I thought the only barrier prevention involved covering the dick,” says Petrelis. Then he found out there was a way to cover his partner’s anus instead. “The female condom put the bottom in charge, in control, and that was such a good thing. And when I’ve been a top—the insertive partner—what I’ve liked about the bottom wearing the device is that my penis wasn’t wrapped in plastic.”

The female condom was approved by the FDA for use in the vagina in 1993. The regulatory body has yet to deem the device safe and effective for use in anal sex, but that hasn’t stopped Peterlis and other public health advocates from noting the device’s anal benefits:

For one, the female condom can adhere to the lining of the anus and provide a roomier experience than the male condom. It also opens up the field for a wider range of sexual accessories: “With the penile device you have to use the water based lubricants. You can’t use Crisco,” says Petrelis. The female condom also allows receptive partners to protect themselves against HIV with partners who refuse to use a male condom. The only thing that’s not sexy about the female condom? The name. “I mean, when you say female condom, I don’t think a gay guy is going to listen, because it’s for a woman. It says ‘female.’ I think it can be a turn-off to gay men,” says Petrelis.

Read the whole thing,

Check out Chicago's ringonit.org for more info on using the female condom for anal sex

"I Lost My Impulse For Self-Preservation"

This powerful testimonial comes via Atlantic Online, a reader writes to The Daily Dish


Excerpt:

Eventually, I partied with nothing but meth. I lost my job on Wall Street and used my severance package to live a life of meth and sex. Meth gave me the artificial delusion that I was deeply and passionately connected to my sexual partners - a feeling I found nearly impossible to feel when I was sober. And even if I got rejected while on meth, I didn't feel it. I could move on to my next partner and any rejection was a distant memory. Meth freed me from those nagging feelings of self-doubt and self-hatred I had suffered since I was a child. It was far more powerful and seemingly effective than years of therapy and anti-depressants.

Read the whole item.

Wood for Days: The Brits Make Condoms SEXYHOT

NSFW and ADULT - the way gay men's health should be :)

Check out the new XXX booklet from GMFA - "Hot Sex."

Look for more goodies on LifeLube.

Talking from the bottom up - Condoms, no condoms?

via Vue Weekly (Edmonton), by Ted Kerr

Seemingly absent from conversations around condomless anal sex are issues of trust, choice, love, consent and the difference between the fantasy of porn and the reality of flesh. Barebacking has either been demonized as a one-way ticket to being HIV+ or vaulted as the holy grail of new queer sex. This seeps into our queer heads and we feel the collective shame the culture puts on us of our natural inclinations, our older-than-time desires. We're made to feel that what we do needs to be policed, sanctioned, protected. What affect does this have on the gay male psyche? On how we exercise our desires? On how we treat one another?

Read the whole item.

And if this topic entices you, please join LifeLube and friends at the "Risky Business" forum tonight - Monday August 17 - at the Center on Halsted. Check out more info here.

“Tops get more tips"

Top/Bottom/Versatile: What’s There to Talk About?

via San Francisco Bay Times, by Tim Vollmer

After I graduated from college in the Bay Area in 1982, I moved to New York City and got a job at the Rawhide, a rough and tumble, heavy cruising gay bar in Chelsea. I was surprised to find that one of the first things the bar manager told me to do was wear my keys on the left, which would signal that I was the active partner in sex. “Tops get more tips,” he said as he reached over and jangled my keys which at that moment were hanging on my right.

I did as he said but I don’t think I fooled anyone, nor did I really want to. At 22 I was lean, had no facial hair and was generally shy in most social interactions, all of which did not give off a particularly toppish vibe, especially in the cut throat New York gay scene of the early 80s. I didn’t last long at the Rawhide, or for that matter in New York, but I’ve never forgotten the admonishment that “tops get more tips” and all that it implied. In the years that followed I’ve learned that the advice is common in the bar world and a similar attitude persists in the porn world.

I’ve wondered in the years since why most people outside the bar or porn business rarely talk about the various aspects of the top/bottom dynamic that pervades nearly all the gay world. It may get discussed among friends as they evaluate their encounters with their latest sex partner, or online as people negotiate hookups, or sometimes in jokes or comedy routines in gay theater, but rarely in a thoughtful or deliberate manner and almost never as a community issue.

To anyone who gives it a second thought, it’s pretty clear that the whole top/bottom dynamic in gay culture, or what Europeans call active/passive, is a reworking in a gay context of the male/female dynamic found in heterosexual relations and in the heterosexually dominated mainstream culture. To put it bluntly, the top role in gay culture is at root based on the traditionally defined male role, the active penetrator in sex, just as the bottom is based on the traditional female role as the penetrated. As the terms themselves suggest, this reworking of heterosexual roles comes at least in part with sexist assumptions that underlie those roles.

The implications of value-weighted terms like “top” and “bottom” and advice that “tops get more tips” indicate that the experience of people who prefer or identify with one role or the other might be significantly different. It’s been clear for a while that prejudices like sexism or racism damage all sides and all participants, often in extremely subtle and indirect ways. We’ve been talking about how sexism can warp heterosexual relations for decades now, but an analogous discussion among gays has been mostly lacking in recent years.

This lack of discussion hasn’t always been the case. I’ve always thought myself lucky that right when I was becoming sexually aware in the 1970s, a fully articulated gay liberation perspective was becoming more popular, especially in places like the San Francisco Bay Area where I was growing up. I particularly liked the feminist perspective that argued that things related to women didn’t necessarily have to denigrated and that the world might be better off if the genders were more equally valued. Simple as it might sound, the politically-charged atmosphere of the 70s and early 80 gave me and others permission and support to experiment sexually and find where we fit in the top/bottom dynamic. By the time I got that job in New York at the Rawhide, I knew where to wear my keys.

Read the rest.

Peter, is it normal to feel sore after bottoming?

[Peter Pointers is here 4 YOU, as a service to LifeLube readers - whatever question you may have regarding sexual health, physical health, mental/emotional and spiritual health - ask him. He will find the answers you are looking 4. Below is a recent Q&A you may be interested to read.]

Question: My question is i been haveing anal(bottom)since december and i find that i get sore for a while is that normal is there anything i could put on the hole and also ive been doing bottom every weekend with different guys(safely) is that normal?

Answer: To begin my response, I wanted to make a comment about your questions asking if your behavior or the things you are feeling are "normal." The idea that our actions are either normal or abnormal is not something that I can determine. I do not look at behaviors as normal or abnormal. As a health educator, I focus on the risk that a behavior has to interrupt your health and at ways to reduce that risk. "Normal" is too subjective of a word, as what may be "normal" for one person may not be "normal" for another. I encourage people to do whatever they feel comfortable with in as safe of a way as possible.

So, in regards to your question about having anal sex, as the bottom, with different guys each weekend, we can talk about the safety aspect. Of course, increasing the number of partners that you have can increase the risk that you have to catching an STD (including HIV). It's GREAT to hear that you are doing this safely. I assume that means that you are using condoms correctly every time you have sex. Keep that up, because condoms are one of the best ways we know to protect ourselves from STDs and HIV if we are going to have sex.


Also using lots of lubrication reduces the risk of condoms breaking or any tearing in the anus. We recommend that anyone having sex, especially with more than one sex partner, to get tested every 6 months for STDs and HIV. I'm not certain where you are located, so if you needed help finding a place to get tested (some places are for free) let me know and I'll help you out. If you wanted to do this on your own, you can always use the site www.hivtest.org.

Now, for feeling sore after having anal sex; this is something that other men have asked about. There are a number of reason why someone could feel sore after sex, so if you find that it continues even as you try different ways to prevent it, you may want to talk to a medical provider about more personalized reasons that you may be feeling discomfort (such as an STD, anal fissures, hemorrhoids, etc.).

However, as I mentioned above as a way to protect yourself, using lube can also help to reduce irritation from anal sex. Using LOTS of lube (and reapplying often during a sex session) will reduce the amount of friction and prevent tears in the anus. Also, taking it slowly when starting to have anal sex is important. The anus is a muscle just like any other in your body. Therefore, just like you would stretch your legs before running a race, you may want to prepare your anus. You could do this by starting with smaller objects (like fingers or toys) to stretch out your anus before having your partner go inside of you.


Another important practice is having your partners enter at a pace that you are comfortable with. Good communication is key here. Also, trying a position that puts you in control of how quickly your partner enters you (so you can control the speed and depth from the start) may help.

Remember, if the pain persists or if you have other medical issues along with the pain (such as discharge or blood from the rectum), please see a medical provider.Here is some more information from Go Ask Alice! (a trusted site out of Columbia University in New York) about pain in the anus after anal sex.


Be Well,
Peter Pointers
Friend Peter on Facebook

Is douching all its cracked up to be?

It is generally considered good manners to present your partner with a clean bottom before getting fucked. However, is it necessary to clean yourself internally by douching before a nice juicy cock finds itself up there? Not always, and some, including the charity Gay Men Fighting Aids, would advise not at all.

The fact is that douching can irritate the lining of your rectum and bowel and make it more susceptable to infection and injury, even if you only use plain warm water*. The lower bowel and rectum are coated with anal mucus which help to protect you and to lubricate the passing of faeces.

When you douche, you wash away this protective coating, and this means that your rectum has no barrier to protect it from injury, infection or irritation caused by the fucking.

The primary purpose of your bottom is to pass faeces from the body (really!). As you digest food and it passes through the digestive system, slowly more and more water is absorbed from the faeces by the bowel and this absorption process even continues in the rectum.

Read the rest, via the Mothership Blog (UK)

Talk to Frank about Hep C

Hepatitis C is emerging as a sexually transmitted infection in gay men. So far this is only affecting HIV-positive guys. Sharing blood during anal sex may lead to infection; specifically when two bottoms share the same top during group sex. Also, HIV-positive individuals may be uniquely vulnerable to Hepatitis C infection during sex.

Frank Talk is an awareness campaign about sex and Hepatitis C developed by the Community Based Research Centre in Vancouver in partnership with the Health Initiative for Men (HIM). Have a look www.checkhimout.ca

Who would you rather sleep with?

The fear attached to sex with positives
is deeply misplaced.

via NOMOREPOTLUCKS, by Nicholas Little

When Ontario’s campaign against HIV stigma within the gay community came out last fall, some men (mostly HIV- men, but some poz guys too) reacted negatively to the campaign slogan: If you were rejected every time you disclosed, would you?

While delivering campaign materials to one of the local gay bars a few months back, the bartender cornered me and said, "I don't like that message." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, what is it saying? That it's okay for poz guys not to disclose? Are they trying to excuse non-disclosure because rejection hurts so bad?"

These questions weren't always easy to answer, and this campaign really stretched my thinking as a result. As an outreach worker with gay men, I was meant to be able to answer questions just like these.

I actually like the slogan because it is provocative and probably accounts for much of the attention that this campaign received. The success of HIV prevention campaigns aren't measured in terms of the number of viewers reached, but rather in the appreciable ways they improve people's lives, thereby leading to reduced HIV transmission rates. But you have to get people paying attention to, thinking about and discussing your message if it's going to have any impact. A controversial slogan helped make this happen.

I think folks who disliked the campaign slogan felt most uncomfortable when they read it as being aimed at HIV+ men. The campaign is, in fact, targeting HIV- guys. It isn't saying, "Hey poz guys, sick of negative assholes treating you like shit each time you stick your neck out and disclose your status? Well then just don't bother!" Rather, it’s saying, "Hey negative guys! (or perhaps: Hey guys who think you are negative!...) We know the vast majority of you would very much like to remain HIV- and that's a worthy goal. But a lot of you are trying to remain negative by keeping HIV+ men as far away from you as possible. And science shows that that strategy just doesn't work. So let's rethink things a little."

Read the rest.

Peter, do you have any advice as to how to "resensetize" my penis?

[Peter Pointers is here 4 YOU, as a service to LifeLube readers - whatever question you may have regarding sexual healthy, physical health, mental/emotional and spiritual health - ask him. He will find the answers you are looking 4. Below is a recent Q&A you may be interested to read.]

Question: I am having serious issues achieving orgasm during intercourse. Its never happened and I've been sexually active for 2 years. I can achieve orgasm through masturbation by myself, but during intercourse, whether bottoming or topping, I just can't do it. Do you have any advice as to how to "resensetize" my penis?

Answer: Thank you so much for your question. It sounds like this is a bit of a frustrating situation for you!

To help you out, I talked with Dr. Braden Berkey, Psy.D., the Director of the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Institute at the Center on Halsted and a private practice psychologist. He went about this issue very methodically – as if he’s come across it before (read: he has, you are not alone). This is more common than you may imagine.

The problem isn't in your penis; it is in your head. You are most likely thinking way too much during sex. Guys often experience this during their first sexual encounters or following a particularly devastating criticism of their performance. But, sometimes we just get into a state of mind that we can’t seem to shake every time we try having sex.

The trick is to take the focus off the destination and enjoy the journey. You can do that a number of ways… but it all comes down to letting your mind go. Start with massages, staying focused on the sensations you are experiencing - accepting them as they come without evaluating them. As you move into foreplay and sex, watch for any critical or distracting thoughts seeping in. It will take time to re-train your brain to turn off, so be patient.

It is also possible that there are deeper issues attached to ejaculating. If this is the case, it may take more work. Exploring this with a well trained and understanding therapist may be worth the time. Let me know if you need help finding a medical provider or therapist that is qualified to help you out!

Be Well,
Peter Pointers
Friend Peter on Facebook

Bottoms of Color, Step Up!

"The Bottom Monologues" is explicitly seeking gay, bisexual, and other men of color who have sex with men to submit their stories online about bottoming. With the deadline fast approaching, the organizers have noticed a distinct lack of submissions from Black, Latino, Asian, Native American, and other men of color in the response pool. The site features a questionnaire with a few simple, sexy questions about your experiences. The organizers will use the stories submit to create a stageplay based on your stories and experiences. They're hoping to collect more stories from guys of color so they can accurately portray their lives on stage.

If you're unfamiliar with the project, here's a bit of background:

"The Bottom Monologues" will be a play based on your stories. That's right - you can have a hand in the writing of a play about your experiences! We're hoping to collect submissions from gay, bisexual, queer, and trans men from across the world. We could write our own play without your help, but it wouldn't reflect the complexity and diversity of experiences that we know are out there. We need your help to make sure that no bottom gets left behind! Submit your story today!

What We'll Do With Your Story

Once we've collected the responses, the three of us will sit down and pour over them for a month or two. We're going to read every word you've generously provided us. We'll be reading for a few things: 1) Similarities that pop up in many of your stories; 2) Major points of conflict or disagreement; 3) And finally, we'll be hunting for particularly evocative, exciting, or compelling stories.

Once we've finished reading, we'll put similar kinds of stories into theoretical blenders and turn the narratives of dozens of men into one "composite character." You may not find your word-for-word story about that amazing night in Paris' Le Depot in the final product, but you can rest assured that it has influenced that direction of the project.

Who Should Submit

Anybody who has anything to say about gay/bi/queer/trans bottoms. That includes guys who identify as a top, bottom, versatile, and those who don't identify at all. We're even interested in hearing from straight-identified folks! Wherever you are. Whoever you are. And whatever kind of sex you have.


We want you!

Ready to Submit?

Click here to be connected to the submission form.

The form asks a series of six broad questions for your to consider in responding for the project. We hope you find them useful, but if you've got better ideas for what to say, don't hesitate to submit a different kind of story. That's expected and wanted. If you have questions about the survey or anything else, don't hesitate to ask!

Bottom Monologues - Have you sent in your story?

[from the Bottom Monologues website]

I. First, we’re collecting *your* stories about *your* lives as a bottoms, tops, versatiles, or none-of-the-above. We’ve developed this lovely online questionnaire for your fill out that asks some pretty broad questions about bottoms: what is a bottom, what’s great sex as a bottom, what’s different between tops and bottoms —that sort of thing! I think it’s a pretty fun exercise, since most of us really don’t get to talk about bottomming out in the open. Which is exactly what this project is all about!

II. We’ll collect all those amazing and fabulous stories and look for consistencies across them. What’s similar in the stories we get? Is there a particular narrative that pops up in many of your stories? And of course, we’ll also be looking for stories that stand out from those similarities and challenge the those common themes.

III. Once we’ve had a chance to pour over the data, we’ll do our best to distill the stories into “composite characters” — our best effort to boil down dozens of stories into one. These will be the products that will be shown on stage in the “Bottom Monologues,” an expression of the diversity and richness of bottoms’ lived experiences. You may not see the word-for-word account of your fabulous experiences in the final product, but you can be assured that it has had an impact on the stories we’ll tell on stage.

I hope you join in on this amazing project. Help us bring the “Bottom Monologues” to life. It will be fabulous. You can have a hand in making our vision happen. Join us! Tell us your story today!

The reluctant top

[excerpt]

...I open my door and a guy who looks basically like his photos stands there with a duffel bag. He has huge bugged out eyes (I'd guess crystal or coke) but a gentle energy. He has his own towels and massage oils, so I lay down on my stomach, and he starts working on me. It feels amazing — he knows what he is doing, it's erotic, and he doesn't talk too much, which I like. I roll on my back and he does my front. My cock is throbbing hard, so he says in a sexy voice, "You must really want to put that somewhere," and I answer "Uh... not really." Then, remembering my manners, I told him, "Oh yeah, sure, have a seat." I mean he just spent a good 20 minutes servicing me, the least I can do is let him enjoy my cock up his ass. He rubbers me up, I verify it's on right, and he rides my cock with a big smile on his face...

read the whole thing on xtra.ca

Bottom Monologues Organizers Seek Men’s Narratives

Play will reflect diversity of gay, bi, trans, and queer men’s lived experiences as bottoms

December 8, 2008: The organizers of The Bottom Monologues invite gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer men to log-on to http://bottommonologues.wordpress.com, where they can submit their stories to be used in the production of a groundbreaking play about – you guessed it -- bottoms. In the spirit of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues, The Bottom Monologues will feature provocative and challenging stories from GBTQ men about sex, desire, identity, and the politics of men proudly proclaiming their desire to get fucked.

To bring the play to life, The Bottom Monologues is asking GBQT men from around the world to log-on to and submit their thoughts through an anonymous online questionnaire. “We’re hoping to get stories from men who identity as top, bottom, versatile – or not at all. Any queer man who has something to say about bottoms is welcome and wanted,” says one of the project’s organizers, Trevor Hoppe. Questions range from the basic (“So… what’s a bottom?”) to the more complex (“Are tops, bottoms, and versatile guys all that different?”). Guys who log-on can choose to respond to the questions as-is, or step outside the box and develop their own prompts.

The Bottom Monologues began at the recent 2008 Gay Men’s Health Summit in Seattle, where the project’s three organizers – Alex Garner, Trevor Hoppe, and Erik Libey – met for the first time. In Seattle, Garner organized a reading of the late Eric Rofes’ screenplay, Test / Positive / Now, a beautiful collection of stories from gay men who have recently tested HIV-positive. The next day, Hoppe presented his research findings on bottom identity in a session title, “What Makes a Bottom?” During the Q&A, Garner commented that bringing the narratives described in Hoppe’s research to the stage would be a much needed public proclamation of bottom desire – a topic typically seen as taboo even for many GBTQ men. With some encouragement from Libey after the summit wrapped, the project was born.

Once the stories are collected, the organizers will sift through the submissions to look for common themes, major differences, and particularly exciting stories. “We’re basically going to take a few hundred submissions and distill them into a handful of composite characters,” Hoppe says. “In this way, guys who log on and submit their story will have a direct hand in the stories well tell on stage.” The deadline for submissions is March 31, 2009. Those interested can log on to the project website for more information about the project and to submit their story.

Organizer bios can be found here.

Bottom Bias

Southern Voice gets to the bottom of sex role bias.

Excerpt:

“A bottom is someone who is seen as weak or girly,” Donald said. “It’s like one more thing that you have to defend about yourself, that people are going to try to use against you to make you feel bad about who you are."

“The worst part is that it’s the bottoms that are the most hateful toward other bottoms, [saying], ‘Oh he’s nothing but a big old bottom,’ or ‘He’s just a lady with muscles,’” Donald said. “It kills me. Part of it may be competition. It’s just one more bottom to compete with when that 12-inch thing comes along.”

Read the whole thing.

Keeping the Rose Fresh as A Daisy

[we found this great piece - "Cleanng Your Butt" at Minnesota's fabulous PrideAlive.org site. More helpful, hole-istic info from them here.]

Cleaning Your Butt

A guide to taking care of your butt before and after sex.by Joe Dobbert

Reprinted from Shameless volume 1 issue 3.

Hygiene is a big issue when you’re having anal sex – and it should be. Your anus is home to lots of bacteria and other things that are good in your butt but not so good on your partner.
There aren’t many things more unappealing to some tops than pulling out and having a penis coated in his partner’s feces. Even with the condom on, it can be a huge mess. The more graphic term for this is “shit-dick.”

That said, it’s very important that you do not use enemas (douche) before anal sex. In fact, if you’re not constipated, or your doctor hasn’t instructed you to do so, you should avoid enemas in general.

Using liquids to purge the bowel is a very risky activity because:

Anything other than water can cause irritation to the lining of your rectum. This makes you more likely to get HIV or another STI.

Water that’s too hot can burn the lining of your rectum. This makes you more likely to get HIV or another STI.

Flooding your rectum with water, ironically enough, dehydrates the colon. This makes your colon more apt to suck up other fluids. If a condom were to break during anal sex, your thirsty colon would suck up the cum and, if your partner were HIV positive, it would make you more likely to get HIV.

Purging with water can make your body begin to rely on enemas to have a bowel movement. After enough enemas, you won’t be able to poop without them.

If you douche too late, you might not get the water out in time. The pressure of your partner’s penis up there will push this residual water (and all the feces left in your bowel) out onto the bed, making a bigger mess than you set out to avoid.

Fortunately for all of us, there are some steps that you can take to clean yourself up before sex:

Wipe the area down with a moist cloth to clean the outside.

Don’t eat for a few hours before sex. Eating stimulates the bowel and will cause your body to create more shit.

Fill an ear syringe (the blue bulb with the tapered nozzle) with warm (not hot) water and gently squeeze it into your rectum. This small amount of water will not cause any damage and should remove any residue left inside your ass.

Relax. Sex is messy. If you make a mess, wash it up with soapy water. Isn’t showering after sex part of the fun anyway?

Remember, shit happens!

And that, my friends, is the fabulous world of cleaning your butt. If you choose to have anal sex, there are a number of ways to make it safer and pleasurable. The bottom line is, listen to your body. If it doesn’t feel good, stop. Above all else, take care of your ass and your ass will take care of you.

Gay Sex Tips - What to do about the multitudes of bottoms

[Gay Sex Tips is great blog with lots of advice from other guys - not medicalized, just practical, based on real life, and from the, um, heart...]

Here is a sample question from a couple days ago:

"I consider myself to be a bottom, however, many of the boys who I find attractive and are attracted to me, are mainly bottoms themselves. I've tried to take on being more of a "versatile" sex partner. However, this has proved to be very difficult, as when I'm in a situation where I am going to penetrate whoever I am with, I lose my erection. I know I don't have an erection problem, I'm just trying to figure out why I can't get myself to top. I've always aimed to please - kind of like "Whatever makes him happy". Anyone out there who may be reading this have any experience with this? If so, did you find a solution?"

Click here to read the responses...