The BEST of Lifelube - "Whole Milk - Never Blend In" From Friday, November 14, 2008

Whole Milk - Never Blend In

Chris Bartlett reviews Milk

[opens nationwide November 26]

Read more from Chris on LifeLube here

I went to see a pre-screening of Milk, the new feature film about Harvey Milk's life, with Sean Penn in the lead role. The movie was fantastic. I was in a theater full of Philadelphian queer activists and allies who represented all generations of our movement. There was the lesbian who helped found Giovanni's Room (our still running fabulous gay bookstore), many of our key political figures, AIDS activists who have been fighting for decades, fired-up youth, people of color, transmen and transwomen. That set the perfect scene for the movie itself-- a celebration of the power of gay communities at their best.

I started crying within the first two minutes of the film. The opening scenes (I'm not giving anything away here) show 1950s era bar raids-- police pushing hapless gay men into paddy wagons; the look of fear and resignation among the gays; and a wonderful moment when one angry queen throws a drink at the camera (go Sister!). Director Gus Van Sant from the very opening paints a picture of the tremendous gains we have made in queer organizing since that time, while also ironically noting that we are fighting many of the same battles of the 1970s. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, and the movie is a remarkable reminder of what has often been forgotten by our gay movement.

It seems almost odd that this film could come out at this time. The ongoing battle against Proposition 8 so mirrors one of the major dramas of the film: Milk's spearheading the efforts against the infamous Briggs Initiative (Proposition 6), which sought to ban gay teachers and their allies. Watching all of the protest, marches, and advocacy was a very spooky deja vu for me. Perhaps the most telling example of this deja vu is a marvelous moment when Supervisor Tom Ammiano, playing himself (as a teacher who confronts Briggs), shouts "you're trying to take away my job!" But it is spooky to see that Ammiano's hair is gray, and that he has not been made up to look 20something. He is the adult version of himself transported by time machine back to the Briggs Demonstration. The more things change, the more they stay the same. It's bittersweet, almost, to see that the organizing against the Briggs Initiative succeeds-- it makes a critical viewer wonder what we are doing wrong nowadays.

Delightful moments include the wonderful portrayal of Cleve Jones (of AIDS Quilt fame) by Emile Hirsch. Hirsch brings out the sweet combination of Cleve's youthful bravado, ageism, and love for elders. When Milk first attempts to get Cleve to join in the gay liberation battle, Jones calls him "Old Man" and laughs in his face. But by the end, you can see the beautiful mentorship between Milk and Jones... and you can see the ways that Milk's lessons would live on in Jones' future organizing. It's all there.

Penn as Harvey Milk is really incredible. Milk protégée Anne Kronenberg reported many a double-take during the filming-- they just look so much alike! And Penn also brings out the wonderful paradoxes in Milk's behavior-- the flirtatiousness, the naiveté, the seriousness, the genius, and the bullying. And Penn plays Milk as I always had imagined him-- a mensch on a mission. There is such a sense of self-awareness and destiny. It's also possible from viewing Penn's performance to see what it means to be a leader-- the commitment that is required, the cost to relationships and family, and the charisma and charm that is required to generate a Tribe.

And to me the main story of the movie is the power of Tribe-building. Harvey does it with genius-- including all of the folks who, until the 1970s, had largely been outside political power networks. In the film, we see Milk's deft ability to build a coalition of progressive people-- gays, people of color, elders, union rank-and-file, youth, and others. Though he was a gay leader, he was far greater than that. As he says, he is there to lead "all the people".

The portrayal of the dramatic events leading up to Milk and Moscone's assassination is compelling and direct. I had hoped for a complex portrayal of Dan White (the assassin) by Josh Brolin, and I think he did a not bad job. We get a little picture into his life: the pressures, the conservative background, the police influence. In the end, the senseless assassinations seem unavoidable.

I've seem the documentary "Times of Harvey Milk" numerous times in my life, and there were moments when I felt transported back to that telling of the story. Both films are beautiful and different-- I recommend seeing the documentary before the movie to give you some background that isn't available in the feature. Notably, Van Sant omits the part of the story that occurs after Milk's assassination-- the trial and the dramatic White Night Riot. I was glad that my friend Micah had told me this ahead of time-- so I wasn't disappointed to miss the drama of police cars burning in the night. But I think Van Sant (and screenwriter Dustin Lance Black) were smart to omit the post-Milk trial and tribulation-- because really this story is focused on Harvey-- and when he is murdered, a new story begins.

Gay Men and Women Are Not More Racist

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Laurence Watts

It was with huge dismay and much gnashing of teeth that I read Marten Weber's piece here on The Huffington Post, "Egg, Banana, and Coconut: Are Gays More Racist?" The piece does the LGBT community a great disservice.

Aside from a closing paragraph in which he concedes his assertion may be wrong (too little too late, I'm afraid), his article purports to demonstrate evidence that "the gay world is full of narrow-minded, bigoted racists." If I may, I would like to share with you my thoughts.

Mr. Weber's recurring theme for why gay men are racist is essentially that one is racist if one does not want to sleep with a man of Asian origin.

Presumably the same would be true if you have no desire to sleep with a black man. The absurdity of this statement can be summarized by pointing out that Rick Santorum is not homophobic because he doesn't want to sleep with men, but because he wants gay men and women banned from the armed forces, opposes same-sex marriage, and wants them banned from adopting children.

Just because someone isn't sexually attracted to someone of Asian origin does not mean they wouldn't want to work, live next to, or socialize with him or her, or that they believe they are somehow naturally superior to them.

Weber is confusing bluntness on "hook-up" sites with wider social judgements based on ethnicity. Racism is a strong word, and Weber does an injustice to us all by wielding it so inaccurately.

Another piece of Weber's "evidence" for racism in the gay community is the existence of separate bars for Asians and "Asian-lovers." But bars exist for every preference in the gay community, including bears, twinks, chubs, and leather-fetishists.

The specialization of such bars occurs because that is the will of their clientele and, more widely, the free market, not because of any law or statute or because any gay bar would turn away someone on the basis of their ethnic origin.

Weber seems to regard any kind of labelling as derogatory. For him terms like "rice queen" or "potato queen" have negative connotations and should not be used.

He believes that porn sites labeling certain sexual material as "interracial" show "how far away we are from an equitable, accepting society."

He is missing the point that all of this is about sex, nothing more and nothing less. Reversing his assertions, he presumably believes that the world will not be equitable until every 18-year-old gym bunny will willingly copulate with an obese octogenarian.

There are, of course, those who already happily do so, but they do so because that's what floats their boat, not because they are somehow free of the shackles of hormonally driven sexual attraction.

A possible "motive" that Weber proffers for gays being racist is that homosexual attraction may be at least partly rooted in identifying with the subject, which is to say not only do we want to shag a would-be boyfriend, but we also want to be like him.

He claims this is absent from heterosexual attraction, which would obviously explain why there are no heterosexual racists in the world. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

Weber seems oblivious to the fact that identification with the subject of one's attraction is not limited to skin colour or ethnic origin. It includes qualities such as assertiveness, intelligence, creativity, and sense of humour, to name just a few, and it is by no means unique to homosexual attraction.


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We're Not Friends, So Dont Call Me 'Girl'!

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Terrence Phearse

A random person comes up to you at an all-too-chic soirée and says "Girl, where did you get those shoes? They are fierce!"

You look over your shoulder and around the corner to make sure that you, a male, are the person being addressed. Hmm... no one is standing behind you, so you are indeed the one being addressed as "girl." But here you are tailored in menswear, with a full face of facial hair.

Obviously, this is the stranger's attempt at identifying you as a homosexual aloud.

I'm no stranger to that.

Some gays would happily respond with the tumultuous story of how those "fierce Prada shoes" were the last pair at the Barney's warehouse sale, and how the shoes were marked down to $399, and how they nearly died fighting to get them.

But words are things, and they are powerful. You have to be careful about the words you allow to be used around you, because they eventually get into you and become a part of you. Coming from a stranger, "girl" can send up a red flag as a pejorative for a gay man, so my mind quickly crafts a witty and somewhat rude response: "Oh, thank you, 'fierce' is how you pronounce my last name, and we're not friends, so don't call me 'girl.'"

The same rule applies for straight guys: "Don't 'bro' me if you don't know me!" Make sense?

"Hey, girl, hey!" "What's the tea, girl?" "Girl, hurry up and call me back!" These and similar expressions should be reserved for and used in good fun with close friends and family, as terms of endearment.

"That's a title exclusively for friends and people who randomly do you a favor," a friend exclaimed. I wholly agree with him.

Am I saying that women should not refer to their close gay friends as "girl"? No! Call your best gay friend "girl" if he is comfortable with it; you have a bond.

Just don't go blabbing out the word to everyone you see walking down 8th Avenue in Chelsea if you've had too much to drink. Capisce?


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Pieces of Meat: Do Gay Men 'Deserve' to Marry?

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Justin Huang

Last June I was sexually molested by another gay man during L.A. Pride. It's not worth getting into details, but suffice to say, this wasn't your run-of-the-mill dance-floor groping.

I was in a dark, unfamiliar room, alone, powerless, terrified. As I walked home that night, I turned to look back at West Hollywood, and I wanted to burn it to the ground.

I've been called a faggot while taking a punch, alienated by people I love, told I'm ugly and worthless, but this? This was dehumanizing.

I was a piece of meat. And it happened during a celebration of LGBTQ identity, and it was done to me by a gay man. Pride? Proud of what, exactly? The question haunted me for weeks. I couldn't sleep.

Two weeks later, the New York Senate passed the Marriage Equality Act, effectively legalizing gay marriage in one of the most populous states in America.

New York City is arguably the capital of the New World; this was quite possibly the most significant domino piece to be toppled thus far, and now with Maryland following suit, the legalization of human love is more than a pipe dream.

I was sitting at the LAX airport when I heard the news, waiting to board a flight to San Francisco. My phone buzzed, and a text popped up from a friend: "Wanna get married in NYC?"

At the time, it was bittersweet for me, personally. Later, on the plane, as I watched California sprawl beneath me, I wondered if gay men deserved to marry. Is it too late for us?

The first time I ever heard talk of gay marriage, I was probably around 10, and I was listening to my aunts and uncles spout about politics at a family reunion.

It was becoming a hot-button issue at the time, and while I still didn't quite grasp exactly what gay people were, I was one of those kids who liked to pretend that they could keep up with adult speak. "Why do gay people want to get married?" I asked my uncle.

My uncle laughed. "Crazy, isn't it? Listen, I know gay people personally. And believe me, none of them want to get married. Why would they? They just screw each other until they drop dead of AIDS." His wife shushed him and told me to go play with my cousins.

As I walked around S.F. Pride last year, this conversation popped back into my head. I watched as people held signs proclaiming "Marriage Equality" and "Love Is Equal," and I wanted to join them, but I couldn't.

I don't think people quite comprehend the profound effect it has upon a group of people when they are told that their love is not valid. My generation of gays has grown up with the notion that we aren't equal, that our feelings are weak shadows of straight love.

Is it any wonder why we have such self-destructive reputations of promiscuity, drug use, and abuse? These seem to be the main accusations that anti-gay-marriage activists dole out. What a vicious cycle. Gays can't marry because we're all sluts... and we are sluts because we can't marry.

I found a quiet place under a tree at Dolores Park, where the S.F. Pride festivities were taking place. I took in the sheer volume of the crowd, every color, age, gender, and size possible, a gathering of people who had in common the fact that they were different.

People smiled at me, and I smiled back. It was beautiful, and there was a Great Hope that permeated throughout the crowd. For the first time in a very long time, I cried. Not because of what happened, but because -- despite it -- this Great Hope overwhelmed me.

I realized then how momentous this was, how someday I'd be telling my grandkids about how I was at S.F. Pride the weekend after New York legalized gay marriage.

And it had nothing to do with how one piece of meat treated another piece of meat on a drunken night. This is a battle, one of the few in my life in which I am not just an army of one but part of a greater movement that is fighting not just for gays but for humankind.

What is marriage? It's more than a few signatures on a piece of paper, and it's more than our needing recognition. Marriage is a shining hope that we can aspire to.

It gives our love a reason and a meaning. It narrows our search to one person. It makes the idea of a soulmate seem less like a silly romantic comedy for straight people.

Sure, none of this may exist, and monogamy and marriage may just be outdated institutions. But don't we deserve the opportunity to give it a go as much as the next person?

One day, I will marry. I'll have a wedding ceremony, maybe on an idyllic beach, and I'll invite everyone I know. When it's time to cut the cake, I'll smear it on my husband's face and let him lick it off my fingers. We'll have a honeymoon, somewhere I've never been, like South America or Australia, and I'll forget to pack my cell phone.

Fast forward a few years, and I'll be sitting in the living room watching our kid play as we unwind our day. I'll be the typical Asian parent ("Educational toys only!" "No TV on weekdays!" "Finish your rice!").

But I'll also teach our kid about how lucky we are to be a family, and how my friends and I fought and yelled, side by side, obliterating these limitations on love. "People have suffered and persevered so I could have you," I'll say, "and I will never take you for granted."


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Why We Lie About Our Age

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Robert Levithan

"If people knew my real age, I'd never work again." I have heard this plaint more than once. The last time was the day before yesterday, when talking about age with a vivacious, successful Brazilian friend. She doesn't dare tell the truth about her age.

Why do most people lie about their age? Because they think they have to. Our culture at large -- and our gay male culture, specifically -- embody ageism.

Young is good. Older is less good.

On Facebook few people put their year of birth. For online dating sites, not to mention hookup sites, there is such pressure to lie that those of us who tell the truth are odd men out.

When I post my age as 60, men think I'm somewhere between 64 and 75. Again, why do we lie about our age?

Ageism, yes. Internalized ageism, as well. Internalized prejudice is when we operate out of a learned prejudice about something we are: I have been exploring my own internalized homophobia, anti-Semitism, and AIDS-phobia, however subtle or overt, for years.

I lead workshops where we have looked at our internalized prejudice, such as racism, classism, and genderism.

How do we know when we are operating from internalized prejudice? When we try to "pass" without cause.

When we are living in the belief that what we are is less than what other people are; when we have bought into other people's prejudices (which do exist) and perceive danger even when it doesn't exist.

There are situations where honesty about my sexual orientation, my HIV status, or my religious heritage could get me killed.

I would lie or hide if my life were at stake. However, often I observe "passing" behavior when there is no danger.

Most of us will not suffer harm if we are honest about our sexuality or our age. We do, however, suffer psychically, from constant denial of the truth about who or what we.


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FAQ: Frequently Asked of Queers

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Khalid El Khatib

"Shit ____ Say" videos have replaced planking as the latest Internet meme, including videos on "Shit Gay Guys Say" and "Shit Girls Say to Gay Guys".

Their funny observations have me thinking about the "serious" questions I get from straight people, both open-minded friends and idiots -- questions that are almost exclusively a function of my being gay.

The FAQ below contains the questions I most commonly get, but I know others are out there. What am I missing, readers?

"Who pays on dates?"

This is a commonly asked question with an uninteresting answer. During dating, the check is typically split. There are specific situations and sects of the community providing exceptions -- "sugar daddies" exist, and starving artists have appetites, despite what the physiques of Broadway extras lead you to believe.

Once you're in a relationship, things work as you'd imagine: checks are split unless there's huge income disparity.

I can't recount a relationship I've had where I ate for free. The only time a gay man goes into a date with a meal ticket is when it's with a high-profile scientologist -- they're loaded.

"When did you know you were gay?"

People ask how and where "it" starts, especially curious about whether it starts as a spark or like an atomic explosion, all glitter and spray tan, no radiation.

After years of reflection, I say there's something religious about the way I discovered my sexuality. To clarify: the Tammy Faye type of religion involving wild theatrics, a semblance of spiritual mystery, and the constant question of whether or not who I am would save my soul or condemn it.

Ultimately, coming of age is first about what you discover, and then about the when -- gay men float in stages of figuring things out for variable periods of time.

Phase one occurs as the terrifying reality that you're different sinks in. There are many ways to reconcile this reality -- shut it away, warp it with drugs and alcohol, dance toward it slowly (secretly DVRing Glee), or give in.

Phase two revolves around victory or defeat, depending on your approach. Just as you grow excited about being different -- special -- you realize you're the same as many others.

Either you're crushed because your courage to come out manifests itself as self-importance (and your coming-out story is never going to get you that book deal), or you're thrilled to have hundreds of (broad) shoulders to cry on.

Once I told a bigot about my belief that coming to terms with one's sexuality is spiritual and involves an evolution that's required for a fully developed sense of self.

He responded that I need more faith. I rattled George Michael back ("a-faith-a-faith"), and that's exactly when I knew my transformation was complete.

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

This question is as absurd to me as when people ask if, given that I'm half Palestinian, I've ever dated an Israeli.

It's not absurd just because the question implies that the experience is unnatural, but because it's personal. Gay men: next time someone asks you this question, I implore you to raise your voice and speak with hand gestures (even if it's not typical).

Make the asker feel uncomfortable about their comfort in addressing you as a case study.

I never felt a need to ask any of my six straight college roommates if they've been with guys, and I can't imagine it's a question they need talking points around like us.

"Why are gay men so fit?"

First, we're not. America is one of the most obese nations in the world, and no community is immune to it (you're welcome, Mrs. Obama!).

Alas, this isn't a diatribe on male body image and the media; I won't go on about how society reinforces gay stereotypes.

Further, I don't have stats on "gay BMI" versus "straight BMI." I can only speak anecdotally as a gay man living in New York who occasionally attends parties hosted at hotels with well-lit pools...

It's true: there exists a bevy of gay men with incredible bodies. There's no one reason for it. My gay uncle recently told me he hasn't had ice cream in 10 years, and whenever I'm asked if I want crackers or bread with my soup, I'm a little too quick and loud in saying, "Neither!"

On the surface, many of us do swear off potatoes. But digging deeper, using some of what I learned in anthropology, I find it's easy to look at other microcosms of society and transpose them onto the gay community.

I think about the world of finance, where most traders have six-packs and can do the pretzel naked without revealing an ounce of body fat.

They operate in a hyper-competitive reality that is insulated by the long hours they work. Our community is insulated by the bars we attend and the restaurants we brunch at.

We compete with each other constantly, and the stakes are heightened because when you are able to lock down a relationship, it's much easier than in heterosexual relationships to discern whether or not it's a mismatch (imagine this as a neon sign above your head -- I'm speaking from experience).

It's probably this last piece that pushes us toward the gym more than anything else. Neon light is unflattering.

"Why are gay men so fashionable?"

Because we're fit.

"Do you think so-and-so is gay?"

It can always go in multiple directions.

A confident girl with a healthy sense of reality asks: probably -- she's asking for a reason.

An insecure girl asks: probably not -- it's probably that she's insecure.

A straight guy asks: depends, and the key to answering often requires a whole different type of video.


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18 Ground Rules for Grindr

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Kris Seto

We gays tend to be a wily bunch. Throughout the years, we've demonstrated incredible resilience conjuring up innovative ways to identify and contact each other: handkerchief signals, telephone dating services, AOL chat rooms (a/s/l, anyone?), even right- vs. left-ear piercings.

These all paved the way for the modern-day marvel: geolocation-based mobile applications like Grindr, Scruff, Manhunt, BoyAhoy, Jack'd and Locate-a-Gay (I made the last one up, but I'm sure it's in development by now).

For better or worse, these applications have plowed through and parked themselves as mainstays in our culture, allowing us to be even more (anti-) social.

We now have the ability to take a real-time sample of who's around us and chat with complete strangers nearby or even miles away. Our options were once limited.

Now, with the advent of these applications, we're suddenly getting picky and filtering by eyebrow color and arm hair density.

As we delve into this new era, I'd like to propose a few ground rules for getting your grind on -- some Grindr guidelines, if you will.

(Side note: Did spelling out "applications" make this article seem more high-brow? I hope so, because it's all about to go downhill very quickly.)


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Sexual Liberation and its effect on Gay Monogamy

via Slate, by Amanda Marcotte

Folks of all sexual orientations who are in committed relationships have become more monogamous over time, or that's what a study that was published Family Process found.

There are some hinky things in the reporting on this piece at USA Today. For instance, the only heterosexual couples mentioned are married, but gay couples who are committed but have no formal union were also recorded.

Additionally, the reporting conflates cheating with sex outside of the relationship, even though many couples have an understanding that allows for outside relationships.

In fact, nonmonogamous cultural norms in gay male culture go a long way toward explaining why they're far more likely to have sex outside of a committed relationship than everyone else. 

Still, even with those caveats in place, the results of this survey are stunning. The rate of sex outside of the marriage has dropped for every category of people studied dramatically between 1975 and 2000.

Twenty-eight percent of straight men in 1975 had sex with a woman outside of their marriage, but in 2000, it was only 10 percent. For straight, married women, the rate dropped from 23 percent to 14 percent. For gay men, 83 percent to 59 percent, and for lesbians, 28 percent to 8 percent.

The USA Today article focuses mainly on gay couples and how the mainstream acceptance of homosexuality has a lot to do with increasing rates of monogamy.

There's a lot to think about there, since it is true that cultural acceptance has introduced far more stability into the lives of gay people, and the gay marriage movement has also increased the pressure to value monogamy.


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Homosexuality: Editing the APA Manual, the Bible and the Book of Life

via examiner, By Kevin Probst

In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) declared that homosexuality was not a disease simply by altering its own 81-word definition of sexual deviance.  Presto, just like that, a new declaration made in a moment of time redefined sexual behavior.  The APA still considers Gender Identity Disorder and Transvestic Fetishism to be mental disorders.  If this seems inconsistent it shouldn’t be a problem for the APA to pick up the black marker and strike a couple more disorders from its manual.

 I’m not a Psychiatrist and I confess that I have very little interest in the field.  I wouldn’t know a mental disorder if it were staring me in the face which is probably evidence that I have a few.  But, I’m taken back by what seemed to be a lack of debate on the issue.  If this was a mental disorder on Monday how could it have simply ceased being a disorder on Tuesday because it was blotted from the book?  If a group of oncologists gather and declare cancer to no longer be a disease does it make it so?

 I’m not in total disagreement with the APA regarding their assessment.  I don’t think homosexuality is a disease.  I think it is but one sinful behavior in a long list of sexual sins condemned by the Word of God.  Also on that list is adultery, fornication, pre-marital sex, etc.  Sexual sin is a sub-category of a larger list of sinful behaviors including theft, lying, idolatry, e.g. the Ten Commandments.  It is true that one of these sins is no more or less offensive to God than another.  Sin is basically choosing to have it our own way rather than submit to the authority of God.  It boils down to pride, or as Old Blue Eyes used to sing, “I did it my way.”

So, why address the sin of homosexuality?  Why not address adultery, or theft or deception?  Christians often feel the need to isolate homosexuality because it is being redefined by the culture.  The success of having homosexuality stricken from the APA’s list of mental diseases was intoxicating to homosexual activists.  Naturally, the next step would be to erase homosexuality from the Bible.  It’s referral to homosexuality as a deviant, sinful behavior is very detrimental to the goal of societal acceptance.  It should be easy, just declare it to no longer be a sin and presto, it shall be so.

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AIDS at 30: Eric Rofes and Positively Thriving

by Alex Garner, via LGBT POV

“I’ll do it only if I can be funny.”

That was my response when Eric Rofes told me he was creating a play about HIV called, The Infection Monologues. This project was Eric’s first foray into writing for the stage, and true to form, he approached it with trademark determination.

Eric was an incredible force in the queer community and a booming voice in the gay men’s health movement. He was an expert on how gay men found ways to survive the epidemic, make sense of the new post-protease world and find ways to thrive culturally, politically and sexually. Eric saw this piece as a way to break new ground on conventional thinking about things like stigma, risk-taking and unprotected sex.

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Gay Men of Color are not Dishes to Be Ordered Off a Menu

via AfterElton, by BriOut

One night, I was waiting on a table of gay men in their thirties. They were a fun group; energetic and catty, but not in a mean-spirited way. Then, sometime around their third or fourth glass of wine, it happened. I asked if they wanted to order anything else and one of them replied, “I'd love to get a piece of your chocolate meat?"

It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. Chocolate meat? Who in their right minds would serve chocolate – OOOOOHHHHH.

I was stunned. I didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended or both. Morgan Freeman never covered any of this on Electric Company.

That night, I'd become a culinary genre that both white men and men of color were either into or not. And it wasn't long before I learned I wasn't the only food group around.

There were beans (Latino men), rice (Asian men), sticky rice (Asian plus Asian), hummus (Middle-Eastern men), and curry (Indian men). No wonder there's an obesity epidemic. I half expect Michelle Obama to caution against dating us unless one has secured a gym membership.

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Just because you suck dick doesn't mean you know dick about style, okay?

via Queerious, by David

For decades, the relationship between fashion & style and gay men have become synonymous with one another. However, there is an error with this stereotype; just because a man is gay does not mean he was blessed with the gift of style. It is an unfortunate truth that has deluded the minds of many men in the gay community who believe that just because they know how to suck a dick, automatically makes them fashion experts, and that they can thrown on any outfit and simply look fabulous.
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Exploring spirituality, in Radical Faerie style

via DallasVoice.com, by M. M. Adjarian

“Mainstream gays have always regard[ed] the euphemism, ‘faerie’ [as stigmatic]” says Paul Singleton. “Many men find it countermand[s] their ideas of masculinity, which is far from actual reality.”

Singleton is a member of the Radical Faeries, an alternative gay men’s movement started in 1979 by pioneer gay activist Harry Hay and dedicated to the spiritual exploration of gay culture and identity. He is one of about 15 locally based faeries, a few of whom gather together every Saturday for “coffee, tea and communion.”

“We are the Nature People, the lavender tribe of the Rainbow Family, in harmony with the principles of peace, justice, freedom, sustainable culture and the sacredness of the Earth. We love ceremonies, focusing on group spirit, and oneness… And we like to be pretty!” says Steven Hanes, another member of the DFW Radical Faerie community.

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Social Bottom in the Bar, Sissy Top in the Boudoir

[we LOVE this]

You are welcome in this community, sissy or otherwise.

via Philly Gay Calendar, by Nicholas Deroose

Excerpt:

For those that know me, you probably would agree that I am really gay. I out people just walking pass them. I like to tell people I have enough gay to go around so don't be shy. I am so loud that most people can hear me before the see me and I say gurrrlfriend with a pitch that makes people think Mariah is in the neighborhood. I am unapologetically gay with every wrist flick, hair toss and booty shake.

So with all my fabulousness, shooting rainbows and butterflies with every step, most people would automatically assume that I am a bottom, and I don't mind if they assume that, because if being called a bottom means being fabulous, than yes, hand me my B-badge. Plus, I find it so much easier to me funny when you're shamelessly loud. I mean how many gay butch comedians do you know? It seems that we have come to equate camp with taking it up the ass. 

Take it all.

Naked Alabaster Boys Can Jump

Ever since I graduated high school in 2008, I've been traveling throughout Asia...when times got tough, I had to move back to my hometown of Oklahoma City, OK. When I was there, I made the most out of situation by working with what I had...there isn't too much happening in Oklahoma, so I decided to add some life to it by getting naked and jumping. Being free and exploring every way possible. 

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Morgan Tepsic's Naked Stop-Motion Extravaganza! from Morgan Tepsic on Vimeo.

Gay Marriage? It's NOT the Final Frontier

Via The Guardian..

Last month, the European court of human rights ruled that member states are not obliged to allow gay marriage, despite "an emerging consensus towards legal recognition of same-sex couples". Shortly afterward, a federal judge in Massachusetts ruled unconstitutional the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, which forbids the federal government to recognise gay marriages. And then, last week, Argentina became the first Latin American country to legalise gay marriage, granting same-sex couples all the legal rights, responsibilities and protections that marriage brings to heterosexuals.

It is difficult to see how a legal system that claims to take equality before the law seriously can deny marriage equality. Supporters of same-sex marriage regard inclusion into such an important social and legal institution as vital to the citizenship of gay men and lesbians.

But some take issue with this. As they are interested in preserving the diversity of gay relationships, they resist conforming to societal ideals of "normal" relationships. Their concern is that gay culture may perish as gay men and lesbians begin to pursue typical heterosexual norms by getting married and raising children.

Read the rest...

NABWMT Announces DIVERSE 2010 Celebration Waves

Part 2 (Part 1 was yesterday)

by Cornelius Mabin

Coordinated by National Association of Black and White Men Together: A Multicultural Organization for All People (NABWMT), “DIVERSE 2010,” scheduled for July 26- 31, 2010 in Fort Lauderdale, FL, represents a partnership of community and faith based organizations, businesses, and allies from around the country formed specifically to produce the event.

Coinciding with the 30th anniversary convention of the gay multi-cultural organization, the event will feature  3 “waves” or tracks designed to facilitate it’s chapter network’s viability and offer empowerment sessions, Fourteen workshops ranging from health and wellness issues. Featured presentations include one from Alan Dupuis, RN of The Pride Institute and a member of Gay and Lesbian Medical Association,  a cultural awareness presentation from author Dean Davis dealing with gay youth, and Hate Crimes and Anti-Gay Bias perspectives from the Broward County Sherriff's office.

NABWMT's  anti-racism program called the Bush-Mallon Institute, will also be re-launched as a centerpiece to convention activities.

Throughout the week, organizers created a “third wave” which has been designed as a expanded social networking opportunity of registrants including receptions, panel discussions, cultural arts, movies, swimming and nightclub events and a “Diversity Day Ft. Lauderdale” involving the local GLBTQ community at The Pride Center at Equality Park.

Participants from around the country are expected to attend the week’s festivities, which will be located at the Marriott Hotel in North Ft. Lauderdale, and at several bars and other locations in the gay friendly “gayborhood,” Wilton Manors.  For more information: www.nabwmt.org or 1.800.624-2968.

The Last to Leave the Closet?

by Stephanie Chen, via CNN  

"It's either you're in the closet or out of the closet, and it's not that simple," David Malebranche, a physician and professor of medicine at Emory University, says about the common perception of bisexuals.

Excerpt:

Ben Pierce, a 22-year-old recent college graduate living in Massachusetts who identifies as bisexual, can understand why bisexuals are hesitant to come forward. He likens being bisexual today to being biracial in the 1960s, a period when racism and discrimination were widespread. A person who was mixed race often couldn't feel comfortable among either racial group, Pierce explained.

"You're caught in between these two very different groups of straight people and gay people, and neither one really accepts you," he said.

Read the whole thing.


[Chicago hosted the 2009 Bisexual Health Summit as part of the 2009 National LGBTI Health Summit. Learn more about that event.]

30 Years of Advocacy: Black & White Men Together Celebrate DIVERSITY

[part 1 of 2]

...commitment to a kaleidoscope of social justice issues rather than pandering to stereotypes or promoting a racist module of creating a group for people who prefer dating others based on their race or ethnicity. 

by Cornelius Mabin

The National Association Black and White Men Together (NA) is a nationwide collective network of affiliated and developing chapters in over 20 cities that identify themselves as Black and White Men Together (BWMT), Men of All Colors Together (MACT), or People of All Colors Together (PACT) in keeping with the cultural dynamics of their respective areas.

Conceived conceptually by Michael Smith in 1980 in San Francisco, the organization offered an outlet for individuals and couples sharing their lives inter-racially amidst racial challenges within gay male culture.

Two fundamental objectives guided the group and its many local chapters. First, was to explore our own attractions to men of different colors and ethnic backgrounds as well as it's impact in  a racially segregated society. And secondly, to began seeking answers about overt racism that were witnessed as a part of the gay construct.

With the success of it's initial beginning from posted ads in The Advocate and other news sources, BWMT's unique appeal and message grew additional chapters incrementally. Ultimately creating a national entity known as the "NA" to centralize it's leadership while designating support for local endeavors.

Continued development of the organization’s mission required additional structure and direction resulting in adopting it's Statement of Purpose citing NABWMT as “a gay, multiracial, multicultural organization committed to fostering supportive environments wherein racial and cultural barriers can be overcome and the goal of human equality realized. To these ends, we engage in educational, political, cultural and social activities as a means of dealing with the racism, sexism, homophobia, HIV/AIDS discrimination and other inequities in our communities and in our lives.”

During it's 30 year odyssey, the organization has pursued the course of addressing systemic oppression and cultural indifference with numerous coordinated projects such as a 1983 Discrimination Response System in reference to local bars with excessive carding  practices resulting in discrimination complaints with the Washington, D.C. Office of Human Rights. During the 1988 Boston convention, the group formed the National Task Force on AIDS Prevention funded in part by the first million dollar Centers for Disease Control and Prevention grant.

Continuing to confront racism and homophobia, NABWMT established the Bush-Mallon Institute, offering workshops with trained facilitators to it's network of chapters, community organizations and Fortune 500 companies across the nation as well as published a supportive reference manual utilized for the program.

Throughout the nation, local chapters have participated in pantry drives, health fairs, Pride activities, eco activities and social interaction agendas determined by individual chapter members and leadership.

By it's nature and namesake, the organization over the decades has had it's detractors and espoused misconceptions concerning it's goals and motivations. As a revolutionary concept from it's inception, NABWMT has affirmed and demonstrated through it's enduring work, its commitment to a kaleidoscope of social justice issues rather than pandering to stereotypes or promoting a racist module of creating a group for people who prefer dating others based on their race or ethnicity.

The iconic legacy has set the tone for the future of the organization, while mandating that human rights messages continue to resonate in the 21st century.  


Part 2 in LifeLube tomorrow will detail information about the NA’s upcoming 30th Anniversary Convention called DIVERSE 2010, in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, July 26th - August 1st.  Click for more information about Chicago’s excellent chapter, Men of All Colors Together.

AIDS Killed My Partner—But It Was His Decision To Die

via The Village Voice, by Steve Weinstein

On January 1, 1990, I met Tom, the love of my life. On May 15, 2001, I helped him die.

Excerpt:

“Dearest Steve, If you’re reading this, it worked! I hope it did, for both our sakes. You have given me more than anyone could possibly want. I am so sorry it came down to a youthful death, but I need to sleep and you need to get on with your life without more worry about me. If that is a gift to give, then I give you my spirit to have with you at all times.”

Read the rest.