The Problem with the Gay Press

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Logan Lynn

As individuals in a marginalized group, we are often all placed together into a single pot by society. In this case, I am referring to the queer pot (but this happens around race, gender, age, religion, class -- you name it).

All of us, as members of the LGBT community, with all our differences, have this one thing in common: we are the minority.

There is something about all of us that is unlike much of the rest of the world, and much of the rest of the world's reaction to that difference can be painful, isolating, and dangerous.

Frequently, members of the greater community become fixated on our sexuality or gender expression, and they try to lump us together, assign us roles within our designated letter of the acronym, and dehumanize us in the process.

One would hope this outer pressure would be enough to bring us together as LGBT people, that we would unite and become stronger in numbers and build a community so organized and powerful that our being a minority no longer mattered.

Sadly, this has not been my experience as a man-loving man, nor in my work with gay organizations, nor as an out artist in the entertainment industry.

Being a public figure in the queer community is tough. You have to have pretty thick skin to tolerate the external homophobia that comes at you as a result of increased visibility, but I think I was raised to expect this, so it's never a big shock when it happens.

I know the world wants to see me dead on some level, or at least see me stop being such a "goddamn fag," so it doesn't surprise me when that pressure arrives.

I recognize it coming a mile away and have learned methods of processing the external hate in such a way that it no longer hurts me. I have not, however, found or been able to develop a way of moving through the crab mentality of my own community without injury.

For those of you who have not heard this saying before, "crab mentality" (also known as "crabs in the barrel," or "crabs in the bucket") refers to the metaphor of a pot of live crabs about to be killed.

Individually, the crabs could escape from the pot without any trouble, but when they are all in the pot together, they grab at each other in a pointless domination game that prevents any of them from escaping, thus ensuring their collective demise.

When related to human behavior in social movements, the term is most commonly used in association with a short-sighted, non-constructive approach instead of a unified, long-term, productive mentality. As an openly gay musician, I have experienced this problem mostly via the gay press.

Certainly, I've received my fair share of nasty emails and messages from people online and in person over the 10-plus years I've been doing this, as well, but there's a distinctive sting that comes from someone in the queer media pulling me and my people back into the pot, and I believe that action trickles down into our culture and leaks out into our community consciousness from there.


Read the rest

Not Just a Preference

via fabmagazine, by Alex Rowlson

We’ve all been there.

You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s profile and are confronted with the list: no fats; no femmes; no Asians; no blacks; masc only; my age or younger; str8-acting, you be too; non-scene; and on and on. What we find is a lot of hate when all we want is head.

“Gay men have forgotten how to have sex,” says Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, editor of the forthcoming anthology Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? “For so long that was supposed to be something gay men were good at, but I’m not so sure anymore.

 They might be good at the technique but not the openness. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off.”

The negative language so prevalent on Craigslist and Grindr seems to signal that the culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.

Gay sexual oppression is catalogued painfully on the Douchebags of Grindr blog, which sorts prejudiced profiles based on everything from racism and sexism to self-hating homophobia.

But even though we see it everywhere, most people are as willing to admit to the exclusionary aspects of their desires as Lindsay Lohan is to submit to drug testing — statements are qualified by “Sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “No hard feelings, it’s just my preference.”

Sycamore says that while people have the right to say what they’re attracted to, they have a responsibility to watch how they say it.

“On the one hand, people are stating their preference, but on the other, these are not neutral terms. If we were living in a culture where everything was the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. But when sexual preference reinforces dominant systems of power in an unquestioning way, that’s when it becomes problematic.”

Michael J Faris, co-author of the essay “Fucking with Fucking Online: Advocating for Indiscriminate Promiscuity,” believes that sexual oppression too often is unexamined.

“Desiring one thing more than another I don’t see as a bad thing,” he says. “When you say, ‘I won’t date a black person or won’t sleep with a black person,’ that’s what I see as being racist. If you can’t interrogate your desire, that’s a problem.”

Sociologist Adam Isaiah Green, a faculty member at the Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at the University of Toronto, believes “the concept of sexual racism is too strong and too intentional.

Our liberation movement worked to remove shame from sexual desire, and I think we should take a lesson from it in terms of how we deal with the topic of racialized desires.

Sensitizing ourselves to the connections between our most inner sexual desires and the sociopolitical landscape we are immersed in also seems like a good way to go.”


Read the rest

 

Too Good to be True

via Huffpost Gay Voices, by The Guyliner

There is no ego boost greater than being contacted by someone very good-looking. I know that beauty is both only skin deep and in the eye of the beholder, and you can call me a shallow old sucker, but you can't beat a winning smile and a pair of bright, sparkling eyes.

He first contacts me after he sees I've looked at his profile. I had only looked in awe, not daring to click 'Like', but he gets in touch and tells me the usual openers about liking my profile, and we chat for a few days.

 He's astoundingly hot and intelligent, the kind of guy that would have overbearing mothers salivating and speeding off to M&S to choose their two-piece for your wedding, which would take place in summer in a country house.

 Before we can ever get that far, however, we have to arrange a date and I am not keen to ask him out, so fearful am I of the inevitable rejection. Congratulations, I think, you're a 15-year-old burbling schoolgirl. This can only end badly.

He asks for my number and sends me a few text messages, effectively asking me for a drink. Despite his age, he appears remarkably grown-up.

 He can't meet me on Saturday because he is hosting an afternoon tea for his friends, he says, but he does want to meet me sooner rather than later. Ooooh. And so we plump for Sunday.

It's a hot day, and I am thrown into a wild panic. I don't cope well in the heat, and have no idea what to wear.

 He's chosen the venue - a cocktail bar I've never heard of - and the thought of arriving there 'fresh' off the bus all sweaty and flustered makes me cringe.

I burrow through the piles of clothes scattered around my bedroom, finally selecting a T-shirt and chinos. I'm running late, so throw on my shoes and wince at my crimson face in the bathroom mirror. I mustn't keep him waiting.

Just as I am beginning to wonder if I should invent some dramatic explanation for my tardiness, my phone rings. It is him.


Read the rest

 

18 Ground Rules for Grindr

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Kris Seto

We gays tend to be a wily bunch. Throughout the years, we've demonstrated incredible resilience conjuring up innovative ways to identify and contact each other: handkerchief signals, telephone dating services, AOL chat rooms (a/s/l, anyone?), even right- vs. left-ear piercings.

These all paved the way for the modern-day marvel: geolocation-based mobile applications like Grindr, Scruff, Manhunt, BoyAhoy, Jack'd and Locate-a-Gay (I made the last one up, but I'm sure it's in development by now).

For better or worse, these applications have plowed through and parked themselves as mainstays in our culture, allowing us to be even more (anti-) social.

We now have the ability to take a real-time sample of who's around us and chat with complete strangers nearby or even miles away. Our options were once limited.

Now, with the advent of these applications, we're suddenly getting picky and filtering by eyebrow color and arm hair density.

As we delve into this new era, I'd like to propose a few ground rules for getting your grind on -- some Grindr guidelines, if you will.

(Side note: Did spelling out "applications" make this article seem more high-brow? I hope so, because it's all about to go downhill very quickly.)


Read the rest

Simple Changes to Hook Up Sites Could Decrease Spread of HIV and Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Press release via Stop AIDS

A study released today recommends eight ways to reduce transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) among men who meet male sex partners online.

Owners of popular dating and “hook-up” websites and users of those websites, along nwith HIV and STD program directors, agreed that a few simple measures could have a major impact on the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Among the online measures supported by a majority of those surveyed:

• Including “safe sex” as a profile option and allowing users to search for partners by such characteristics

• Providing directories of STD testing locations

• Sending automatic reminders to get an HIV or STD test at regular intervals chosen by users

• Having chat-rooms and other areas for HIV-positive men looking for other HIV positive men

• Providing e-cards to notify partners of a potential exposure to STDs

• Posting videos that show men discussing safe sex, HIV status, and related issues

• Providing access to sexual health experts

“Finding sex and love online is here to stay,” said Dan Wohlfeiler, one of the study’s authors working with the California HIV/STD Prevention Training Center for this project. “This study shows how we can work with website owners to turn the Internet into a force for their users’ health.”

More than 3000 users, 82 state and local HIV and STD Program directors and 18 owners of dating and “hook-up” websites completed the survey.

Jen Hecht, Education Director at STOP AIDS Project and co-author, said “Since all three groups agree these strategies are important, can be done, and would be used, we need to be getting them online now.”

The study also found a number of strategies with less support. Website owners expressed skepticism about health department staff going online to notify users that they might have been exposed to an STD. In contrast, a majority of HIV and STD prevention directors and users thought this strategy was important. The authors are planning follow-up meetings with owners to further understand their concerns. In California, gay and bisexual men who were diagnosed with syphilis or gonorrhea most frequently reported the Internet as where they met sex partners.

“We have rising rates of STDs among gay and bisexual men and turning that around means everyone needs to take responsibility for their sexual health,” said Bill Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition of STD Directors (NCSD). “This study shows how public health professionals, as well the users and owners of sex seeking websites, can band together to make a real difference in securing the sexual health of gay men.”

The study, entitled “How Can We Improve HIV and STD Prevention Online for MSM” funded by amfAR, the Foundation for AIDS Research, was co-authored by H. Fisher Raymond and Willi McFarland at the San Francisco Department of Public Health. The results have been posted here.

Posting Your HIV Status and Hooking Up Online - What's Yours?

via Adam4Adam blogger Stephan

Marketing is generally the driving force in all sales efforts; that includes the sale of one’s self.

Hooking-up online has it’s advantages: advantages that can get you laid quickly and matched with just the right guy. One of the advantages found in profiles are that they can tell you what a guy is into, where he is, what he looks like, and when he is available. Profiles are the online marketing tools of those seeking sex. When accurate and honest, a well written profile can reduce the talk required before meeting a sexual match to a couple of emails and help to ensure you have a great time with the right guy. When a profile is completed with detailed information, the information posted can effectively weed out those you are not interested in meeting, and invite those you want to meet. Profiles are great marketing tools!

When members join Adam4Adam seeking a sex partner, what goes in your profile—your marketing tool—will ultimately help to determine what happens sexually between you and other members of the site.

Profiles on Adam4Adam, as on most sex seeking sites, have the option to disclose your HIV status (blank, negative, positive, don’t know). The primary reason this field exists is to provide the option to include your HIV status, if known, under the belief that having this information is important to the health of other members and will help you find a sexual match.

The fields are clear, yet assumptions regarding any one’s status other than “positive” must be avoided. A status of negative is only as accurate as the testing method, frequency of testing, and sexual behaviors since being tested (and about 3 months before) of the person claiming to be negative.

Having HIV status in profiles is not always welcomed by all members. As I see it, there are two sides to this debate: those that believe that the field lends an unjust creditability to someone stating they are HIV-negative and those that believe that having the field is a form of risk reduction.

I believe that having an HIV status field is important. I also understand that men lie. There are most likely men that believe when someone states they are HIV-negative, that it absolutely means they are HIV-negative. In fact, there are too many variables for many sexually active men to state with no doubt that they are in fact negative and be 100% sure and accurate.

Consider this: if someone lies about their HIV status online, would they not also lie in person?

Further consider which is a more misleading statement of ‘safety’ a field on a profile or a face to face statement? What would you give more creditability, a face to face statement that “I am negative”, or a field in a profile that says negative? I would personally be more apt to believe someone who told me face to face that they are negative over what I read in a profile. HIV status, field or not, is a conversation.

One of the key issues, in my viewpoint, is not the HIV status field, but it is understanding what a statement like HIV-negative really means, especially in our “buyer beware” world of sales and marketing.

How one discloses their status is a personal choice, but disclosing your HIV status honestly is a responsibility we all share, regardless of what we know our status to be, or what we assume it to be.

How to Stay Sane in a Mad, Mad, Info-Overload World

 

5 Ways to Keep the Internet from Destroying Your Brain

via AlterNet, by John M. Grohol

Human beings are creatures of habit, and nowhere is the force of habit more apparent than in the way most of us use the Internet. Few of us are disciplined enough to go online, do one thing, and log off. While it may be fun to keep updating our Facebook profiles or repeatedly accessing our various feeds throughout the day or merrily multitasking round the clock, researchers are beginning to document the emotional and psychological price we're paying for doing so. But the good news is that feeling overwhelmed and lost online isn't an inevitable consequence of living in the Internet Age—we can change how we behave when we go on online and how we interact with the web.

Mindfulness training is a particularly handy tool for helping us become more aware of our relationship with the Internet. It provides a number of effective ways to reduce the feelings of stress and anxiety that arise from trying to organize and keep track of too much information at once. The tips below will help you be more present when using the Internet, improve your online efficiency, and reduce the stress that so often accompanies multitasking and information overload.


Read the rest.

Happy Ending Hook Ups

Hooking up online can be sexy good time, or it can be dicey/scary/deadly. There are some sick freaks out there who have no interest in getting off with you, and have other plans for your meeting.


The Center on Halsted has a great set of tips for leaving the virtual world and meeting Mister Right Now. You know, stuff like getting a face pic and phone number and first meeting in public.

Find out what a Silent Alarm is, and check out all the other great advice, here. And have a lovely time!

Ensuring that Hook Up Comes with a Happy Ending

Hooking up online can be sexy good time, or it can be dicey/scary/deadly. There are some sick freaks out there who have no interest in getting off with you, and have other plans for your meeting.


The Center on Halsted has a great set of tips for leaving the virtual world and meeting Mister Right Now. You know, stuff like getting a face pic and phone number and first meeting in public.

Find out what a Silent Alarm is, and check out all the other great advice, here. And have a lovely time!

When Virtual Becomes Reality - tips to hook up safely

Hooking up online can be sexy good time, or it can be dicey/scary/deadly. There are some sick freaks out there who have no interest in getting off with you, and have other plans for your meeting.


The Center on Halsted has a great set of tips for leaving the virtual world and meeting Mister Right Now. You know, stuff like getting a face pic and phone number and first meeting in public.

Find out what a Silent Alarm is, and check out all the other great advice, here. And have a lovely time!

Tips for cruising the net

Hooking up online can be sexy good time, or it can be dicey/scary/deadly. There are some sick freaks out there who have no interest in getting off with you, and have other plans for your meeting.

The Center on Halsted has a great set of tips for leaving the virtual world and meeting Mister Right Now. You know, stuff like getting a face pic and phone number and first meeting in public.

Find out what a Silent Alarm is, and check out all the other great advice, here. And have a lovely time!

a1t ? the internet is rotting my brain, ctfd ccl *s*

Yes, the Internet is rotting your brain

And Nicholas Carr's "The Shallows" has the evidence to prove it

via Salon.com, by Laura Miller

Concentrated, linear thought doesn't come naturally to us, and the Web, with its countless spinning, dancing, blinking, multicolored and goodie-filled margins, tempts us away from it. (E-mail, that constant influx of the social acknowledgment craved by our monkey brains, may pose an even more potent diversion.) "It's possible to think deeply while surfing the Net," Carr writes, "but that's not the type of thinking the technology encourages or rewards." Instead, it tends to transform us into "lab rats constantly pressing levers to get tiny pellets of social or intellectual nourishment."

Read it all.

Love in the Age of Grindr

Join us for our next forum
May 19, 2010

Are we getting what we want?

Do we know what we want?

Love in the Age of Grindr

Gay men and hooking up, shacking up, 

relationships and intimacy

Let’s talk about sex, relationships (open and monogamous), friends with benefits and all the other creative ways gay men connect intimately and erotically...

at Rehab (front lounge of Circuit Nightclub)

3641 North Halsted, 6pm - 9pm

Stay tuned for RSVP info and other details 

Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins of 'Friendster' Civilization

Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization

Virtual Love Baby - Online "Dating" Research

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health have a new online survey for young men who have sex with men (ages 18-24) focused on their online dating experiences.They are looking for participants who are:

- Male
- Between the ages of 18 and 24
- Using dating websites to meet other men

The web-survey should take 25-40 minutes to complete. Participants receive a $15 iTunes e-card upon completion of the survey. This study is approved by the University of Michigan Institutional Review Board (HUM#00032985).

The link to determine the eligibility is located here.

Marketing "The Bug" and Viral Hygiene

By Michael Scarce

My good friend and activist pal Bill Jesdale called yesterday to tell me about an advertisement he'd just seen in the Castro public transit station here in San Francisco. The huge ad is wallpapered to a space just above a bench where daily commuters sit awaiting the arrival of their next train. It's one version of a marketing series that promotes an exhibit called "The Secret Lives of Seahorses" at California's Monterey Bay Aquarium. Next to a seahorse is a web browser window depicting the text of a Craig's List personal ad spoof. The posting ends with the line "Must be drug/disease/algae-free."

While I don't find the ad especially cute or funny, I do find it highly interesting that the stigmatizing language from m4m online personal ads has somehow made its way into the popular consciousness as commonplace and acceptable. While terms like "clean," "disease free," and "bug-free" can be interpreted as meaning "STD free," these phrases are typically used by HIV-negative men to express their desire to hook up exclusively with other HIV-negative men. The language mirrors an ongoing stigma that goes largely unaddressed; namely, that positive men are considered unclean, defined by the undesirability of contagion, and ridden with diseased pestilence.

Ironically, the Monterey Bay Aquarium ad runs side-by-side with a local HIV prevention organization's social marketing campaign encouraging gay men to disclose their HIV status. The latter campaign makes no mention of the cruelty, unfounded social and sexual rejection, and other implications for widespread stigmatization of HIV- positive people. As the issue of serosorting becomes increasingly invoked as part of a larger strategy of HIV prevention, positive people deserve an honest and realistic appraisal of the potential consequences of their disclosure: for better and worse.

Sissy Seeks Honesty in Hook Ups

I can count on one hand the number of profiles I have seen expressing a desire for feminine men, in part I think because declaring such a desire would in fact be claiming a kind of queer desire that is not valued and actively discouraged.

LifeLube's pal Trevor Hoppe gets SASSY with all those "looking for masculine" guys...

He recently shared his answer to "How are you healthy?" here.

Coming out by hitting send

Gay youths coming out of the closet and onto the Web

via Chicago Tribune, by Noreen S. Ahmed-Ulla

Moments before Isaiah Freeman-Schub left three years ago to study abroad in Paris, he picked up his laptop computer and wrote a life-changing blog entry.

"I must disclose that I am a Martha Stewart-watching, fashion-abiding, flower-arranging, boxer-brief-wearing, hair-styling, ... Rachel Ray recipe-cooking, vodka-drinking, nail-filing, exfoliated, pec-toning, pocket square-sporting, football-abhorring, Queer-as-Folk-viewing, Kelly-Clarkson-listening, accessory-coordinating, fitness-obsessed, Boystown-going, candle-lighting, fruit fly-leading, necktie-tying, pinky-extending, mirror-looking, GQ-reading, Jake Gyllenhaal-lusting, blow-drying, man-loving FAIRY."

He clicked the submit button, walked out the door and didn't bother checking his messages for days.

Freeman-Schub, 23, is one of a growing number of gays who are outing themselves online. Experts say that while an older generation of gays and lesbians struggled with making public their sexual orientation -- often remaining in the closet well into their adult lives -- the Internet has made it easier for a younger generation to take that step.

The phenomenon is the subject of a local exhibit called "Coming Out Online" by artist Doug Smithenry, who painted images from online video testimonials for the show, which is at the Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted St.

Read the rest.

Healthier hook-ups

via Bay Windows, by Ethan Jacobs


David S. Novak brings serious public health credibility to his new role as coordinator of Manhunt Cares, the men’s health offshoot of the Cambridge-based hook-up site Manhunt.net.

From 2004 to 2007, while serving as syphilis elimination coordinator at the Massachusetts Department of Public Health (DPH), he literally wrote the book on online STD outreach to gay men, pioneering the department’s work in doing outreach to Manhunt members and authoring a guide on Manhunt outreach for use by other states and agencies. He moved on to serve as national syphilis elimination coordinator for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) where he continued promoting online outreach as a means to prevent HIV and other STD infections among gay men.

At first glance leaving the CDC to work for one of the world’s biggest gay hook-up sites might seem like an odd transition. But Novak said Manhunt has carved out a role for him to push forward with new strategies for online health outreach without the constraints of red tape and bureaucracy of the public health field.

"I’ve been doing this work for over five years, on the government side, state, federal, and moving into the industry side. ... I can do some things here that public heath would probably take a long time to figure out," said Novak, who joined the Manhunt team at the end of last year.

Manhunt has been working with public health agencies on its site for about the past five years, inviting them to create profiles on the site and provide information and referrals to members with concerns about HIV and other STDs. Under Novak Manhunt has expanded that work, creating Manhunt Cares, a dedicated public health website, and, said Novak, the company is working to strengthen the partnerships it has with public health agencies. Novak also hopes to experiment with new media to do HIV prevention work.

Read the rest.

Why Searching for Sex Online Isn't Strange

by Kirk Grisham, via WireTap Magazine

Last week on the subway, I noticed a woman reading a New York Times article with an interesting sub-head: “A community united by a penchant for risk.” Later that day, I went online and read the article for myself, a piece titled “Recklessly Seeking Sex on Craigslist” by Douglas Quenqua.

While I had the hopes that the article would explore the benefits of online forums for interaction, I assumed that it would probably be recycling the same nonsense that as a young queer boy, I am all too familiar with. My mother, father, friends, and anyone else who has a chance to inundate me with their ramblings of “safety” will tell me “be careful on the Internet, people are crazy,” or “you never know what will happen.” I have always scoffed this off, because since dial up, I have been addicted to the Internet. It was one of the first places where I found other gay people. I lived in a world of chat rooms, forums, magazines, and porn. Every day the bus ride after school was the waiting room for me to get home and enjoy a few hours alone with the computer before my parents got home. It was one of the first places that I explored gay identity as young adult. I made friends, shared pictures, had “e-boos” all over, and was able to really be “gay.”

Read the rest.

Read Kirk's "How are you healthy?" piece for LifeLube.