Gay Men's Support Group to discuss ED

via sdgln, by SDGLN staff

Gay men with erectile dysfunction (ED) will meet Saturday, March 10, in Southern California to talk about their common experiences and find ways to connect around impotence.

Gay men have long faced homophobia when seeking care for problems common to both gay and straight men.

Many gay-focused national nonprofits have long histories of helping gay men with diseases such as prostate cancer and HIV/AIDS.

Now, for the first time, gay men will be meeting to discuss ED among men who enjoy sex with men.

“Gay men experience health issues from their unique perspective, but, health care professionals continue to ignore this, causing needless harm to thousands upon thousands of gay men who experience erectile dysfunction,” said Darryl Mitteldorf, LCSW, executive director of the national men’s cancer survivor nonprofit organization, Malecare Cancer Support, which is involved in the meeting.

“Malecare wants all gay men to find the help they need, from men who care about them and we are proud that one of our support group leaders, Dennis Bogorad, has developed a supportive meeting focused on erectile dysfunction,” Mitteldorf said.

This social gathering will offer single gay men with erectile dysfunction a chance to meet other gay men with erectile dysfunction.

It will be a chance for men to mix and mingle in a no stress environment, share experiences, make new friends or maybe meet the love of their life.

“This is one silent sexual issue both gay and straight men share in common," said Bogorad, a film producer who volunteers as leader of the gay men with prostate cancer support group that is co-sponsored by Malecare Cancer Support and the Cancer Support Community at the Benjamin Center in Los Angeles.

Gay men are best supported by each other, in a gay friendly atmosphere, organizers said.

Erectile dysfunction may be caused by many different diseases, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, HIV, antidepressants, prostate issues, physical injury, aging and more.

Although the cause may vary, the life changes resulting from ED can challenge the quality of life for many gay men.

Unfortunately, caregivers, medical professionals and advertisements present treatment options and social remedies almost always from a heterosexual point of view.

Success with this first gay men and erectile dysfunction event will likely lead to similar events throughout the United States.


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When Beauty Is a Curse

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by James Peron

It. Some people have it, some don't. The "it" factor is undefined. It refers to a personal radiance that surpasses looks alone.

It is part charisma, but not entirely that. We often say they just have "something" that turns every head when they walk into the room.

David had "it." I could show you photographs, but they don't do him justice; they capture his good looks, but they don't quite capture "it." It was in his smile, his movements, his pose, his attitude -- all of these things combined together, things you can't capture in a photograph.

His smile melted his admirers, turning them into putty. When he walked into crowded rooms, I could see every eye drawn to him.

For several years he was my closest friend. Every day we talked on the phone for at least an hour or two. I knew every aspect of his life.

One night we met at a party and went to his house, and I just sat with him until early morning. He talked; I listened. He must have told me everything that night alone.

I also knew about his curse. You see, "it" was his curse.

As astounding as it sounds to those of us without "it", David felt damned. He wanted one thing more than anything else: he simply wanted someone to love him.

He didn't want someone attracted to his looks. He didn't want someone merely drawn to his "it" factor. He wanted people to see him for who he was. He wanted them to love him for something much deeper.

He never felt sure that any of his suitors loved him. And the one person who really did love him never said a word, afraid to complicate David's life further.

It was better to be there for him, to support him and be his counsel.

David never knew how to approach the person he loved. He played coy and tried to create a scenario to force a declaration by announcing a new relationship.

That caused the opposite reaction than the one he wished for: instead, the person he loved backed away, caring too much for him to interfere if he found someone who made him happy.

David moved across country to pursue this new relationship, but his unhappiness grew deeper. He was plagued by doubts that anyone could actually love him.

They wanted his looks; they wanted "it."

His calls grew more frequent. Two or three times a day, for an hour, two hours, sometimes three or four hours. His pain was real. His doubts were real.

His job took him away from home for several days per week. And one day he went home to discover he was being cheated on. Every doubt he had was confirmed.

We spent hours on the phone that afternoon. I stayed on with him as long as he wanted. After three hours he said he had to go. A few hours later he called back.

He had been drinking. We talked for two more hours, then he said he had to hang up. I promised him we would talk in the morning.

At 4 a.m. the phone rang again. There was no hesitation to answer. If he needed to talk, I'd be there for him.
It wasn't David. Instead, it was the cheating partner calling. "I'm calling because I realized that no one else would think of telling you.

David shot himself a couple of hours ago and died. I know how much you meant to him, and him to you, and I didn't think his family would think to call you."

More was said, but I don't remember it. I know there was a horrifying sound that scared me -- it was coming from me.

The next several days didn't exist for me, quite literally. Early in the morning friends came to my home; one went to the chemist and came back with some sedatives -- prescription laws there are not the same as in the U.S. The sedatives literally knocked me out.

That is how it was for three days. The sedative would wear off, I'd awake, relive it all over again, and take another one. I slept for those days, until friends drove me to the funeral home in Pretoria. I had to see him, just to make it all real to myself.

I walked into the empty viewing room. None of David's admirers were there. It was just me and his body lying in the casket.

I remembered his jokes about dying young and leaving a good-looking corpse. They didn't seem very funny to me. I looked at his face. "It" was gone; "it" had left with his life.

The face was the same, the body was the same, but "it" had vanished. And so had he.

There are times when I see someone who clearly has "it." I see the admirers flocking around them. For those who qualify as celebrities, the paparazzi follow them everywhere.

And like most other people, I find that a bit of jealousy creeps in. I start to wonder why they should have "it" when most of us are "it"-deficient. There is no fairness to "it."

There is no concept of justice, or redistribution of "it." There can't be. But David always comes to mind, and then I have to wonder if these people are so lucky after all.

David would have traded all of "it" for the surety of knowing that people saw beyond "it," that they saw deeper than what drew their attention. My deepest regret is never making it clear to him that one person had.


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Man Boobs: Play Tackles Body Image, Sex, and Identity

via WindyCityTimes, by Tony Peregrin

A gym-built body and ripped abs ("cum gutters" in porn parlance) can make some gay men fizzy with lust, but when it comes right down to it, being with a partner who is simply comfortable in his own skin can be an even bigger turn-on—an idea that is at the center of the J. Julian Christopher's play, Man Boobs.

The Chicago premiere of Man Boobs— a dark comedy about love, body image and acceptance—opens Pride Film and Plays' 2012 season. In the one-act play, Christopher, 34, a college professor and veteran of the New York International Fringe Festival, introduces audiences to "Spence," a librarian, and "Marty," a macho truck driver who tries to get his paramour into bed—unknowingly pressuring him to reveal more than his overweight torso.

Directed by David Zak and starring Rick Heintz as Spence and Michael Hampton as Marty, Man Boobs opens Saturday, Feb. 18, at 7 Mary's Attic.

In Australia to catch the premiere of Man Boobs, Christopher fielded questions via e-mail about the play and its impact on audiences.

Windy City Times: Let's start with the title of the play: Man Boobs. Why did you select this particular title for your play?

J. Julian Christopher: Honestly, I just thought it was a funny title! I thought it was catchy and [captured] exactly what the play is about. The title doesn't ruin the reveal of the play; a lot of people think there is a revelation about Spence being self-conscious about his body, but to me that isn't a revelation. The play is about how [body image] drives Spence to handle relationships.

Man Boobs also has double meaning for me. A "boob" is often a term for someone acting stupid—and Spence and Marty both act like boobs at certain points in the play.

WCT: Is Man Boobs autobiographical?

JJC: Man Boobs is slightly autobiographical. Spence is based on myself, and Marty is an amalgamation of various men I have dated. I have sabotaged relationship after relationship based on my poor body image, and it is just now, as I have come into my 30s, that I have begun to come out of this idea of what my body "should" look like and embrace the one I have.

WCT: A recent study revealed that almost half of the gay men surveyed would give up a year or more of their lives to have a ripped, gym-body. How do the results of this survey register with you, both as a gay playwright and as a member of the bear community?

JJC: Well, I am definitely a proud member of the bear community, and I honestly hate the findings of this survey—although I think that they are, sadly, quite accurate.

Five years ago, I would have been one of the respondents to this survey who would have given up a year of my life [for this], but I think there does come a time when you finally wake up and look in the mirror and you say "Screw it." That doesn't mean throwing caution to the wind and not taking care of yourself, but it means you start to not care about your ideal of what a perfect body is because it is just that—an ideal.

The play directly deals with the findings of the survey. Spence, the main character, would probably be one of the survey respondents who would voluntarily give up a year or more of his life to look a certain way.

Truthfully, the survey says less about "gay vanity" and more about what we think makes us a better man. This thinking is skewed, and that is why the bear culture exists as it does now, in absolute defiance of that societal norm.

WCT: Man Boobs toured Montréal and Quebec in 2011 and premiered at The Midsumma Festival in Melbourne, Australia, this month. Does it surprise you that the play has struck such a chord with audiences around the world?

JJC: I am not surprised that the play is connecting with people all over the world. I think that body image and self-worth are universal themes. I am, however, often surprised by how audiences react to the piece. Audiences have gasped upon seeing the unapologetic sexuality in the play.

In the beginning, I tried to wrap my brain around why this was happening, but I think it is because straight and gay audiences are not used to seeing two large men explore their sexuality in a truthful and honest way, in a context that is not comedic—and they enjoy it!

In queer theater, we don't really see these kinds of images and it can be quite jarring.

I truly believe that it is still socially acceptable to discriminate and make fun of overweight or obese people, so when Marty and Spence kiss and are enjoying their sexuality in a truthful way, I think that makes most audiences uneasy—purely because it's something they don't see often or have ever seen.

WCT: If the overt sexuality of the play makes some audience members titter in their seats, I have to ask: Do the guys do more than simply kiss on stage?

JJC: The play has lots of sexuality in it. There is nothing more than kissing, but clothes do come off and the kissing is definitely sexual in nature, and much more than just a peck.

WCT: In a recent column on Gay.net titled "No fats, femmes or … the ugly side of online dating," the writer notes that online dating has always featured gay men candidly stating what they want from a partner or fuck buddy in terms of physicality—but with the immediacy afforded by technology and apps like Grindr, these physical expectations have actually gotten more extreme. Do you agree?

JJC: I think that online personal ads are based on the ultimate sexual fantasy. I have also seen personal ads looking for overweight men, men with small penises and men with flat feet. I think that personal ads ultimately serve on purpose—sexual fulfillment.

If people are on Grindr looking for dates, then there is a bigger issue at hand. Finding someone you connect with or a future partner is a different story. I think, inevitably, we learn that what we thought was "our type" isn't always the person we end up with.

WCT: You also produce a Web-based drama series, BULK, which follows the character of Leo Durán as he returns to the New York City bear scene after a devastating break-up. Are you trying to reach the same audience with BULK as you are with Man Boobs?

JJC: I created this series along with D.R. Knott. We wanted to give voice to underrepresented communities, and I believe that the bear community is one of those communities.

The series does have a similar audience as Man Boobs, but that's not to say that I don't want other audiences who are not bears to think that these shows are not meant for them.

I write about relationships—and these guys just happen to be big and furry. I think both BULK and Man Boobs celebrate the sexuality of the bear culture, and the notion is that these characters are real men—they just happen to be larger.


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Gay Men's Body Image

via HuffPost Gay Voices, study by Central YMCA and UWE

Exactly how far would you go for cast-iron pecs or the perfect six-pack?

Indeed, gay men have been stereotypically cast as gym bunnies by popular culture for some time, but a new British poll has now revealed a slightly more disturbing fact about that population's fractured relationship with body image.

A study commissioned by the Central YMCA, the Succeed Foundation and the University of the West of England’s (UWE) Centre for Appearance Research in Bristol found that 48 percent of gay male respondents would sacrifice a year or more of their lives in exchange for a perfect body.

Perhaps even more onerous: researchers also found that 10 percent of those men would agree to die more than 11 years earlier if they could have their ideal body right now, according to Pink News.

Not surprisingly, authorities attributed the results to popular depictions of gay men in media. "Today gay men are under enormous pressure about their bodies, and we believe that a lack of body diversity in the media, including the gay press, and a relentless focus which values people based on appearance, may in part explain why gay men are particularly susceptible to this issue," Rosi Prescott, CEO of Central YMCA, told Pink News.

 "This is of concern when we know that record numbers of men are taking steroids or having unnecessary cosmetic surgery to achieve what is often an unattainable or unrealistic body image ideal."

A total of 384 men, a quarter of which identified as gay, were reportedly surveyed as part of the poll, with an average age of 40, according to the BBC.

But overall, researchers say the increase in body hang-ups surged among both gay and straight men.

As The Telegraph notes, the survey found a staggering 80 percent of men regularly discuss body shapes, often comparing them to those of top celebrities and fashion models -- and 59 percent of them admitted that doing so makes them feel worse about themselves.

Among the most popular phrases by men discussing how other men look: "beer belly," "man boobs" (or "moobs"), and "chubby," along with "six-pack" and "ripped."

"Girls want to be slim and males want to be big and lean, and while it isn't a bad thing for people to want to look better, it has become more like a competition, which has a bad effect on most people's mental health," one respondent told The Guardian.

"Body talk is saying things which reinforce the traditional standard of male attractiveness, which is having a tall, lean, muscular body with clear skin and a full head of hair, and is for most people unattainable,"

Dr. Phillippa Diedrichs of UWE also told The Guardian.

"This research really demonstrates that body image is an issue for everyone, although in men, especially middle-aged men, it has been woefully under-reported, but has a negative impact on social relationships and on attitudes to diet, exercise and a healthy lifestyle."


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Do I Need a Six Pack to Make an Impact?

via Huffpost Gay Voices, by The Guyliner

The year is 2001. I am in a bar, talking to a gay man. He might be trying to pick me up; I can't tell. He takes another sip of his almost-drained drink and looks me up and down.

 "How old are you?" he asks, with a mouthful of beery spittle.

"I'm 25," I reply. He surveys me again as if looking at a child's finger painting.

 Finally, he speaks. "If you want a body, you're going to have to get on with it pretty quickly."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your body," he sighs. "You don't have one. You've no shape. By the time you get to 30, it'll be too late.

Start going to the gym as soon as you can." He walks away.

If there's one thing you're going to need as a gay man, it's a body. You can try telling me different, but nine times out of 10 you're not going to get much interest from another gay man just because you look as if you read a lot of books.

Looks count, even if they are only a beautiful lid on a simmering pot of ugliness, despair, bitterness and venom. Don't believe me?

Fire up Grindr, the social networking app launched in 2009 to help gay men to chat, and, if the stars are aligned, to meet each other and 'date'.

When I write 'date' in Grindr terms, it usually means the kind of date where two perfect strangers meet up and fuck. Just so you know.

You select your potential partner by browsing a gallery of tiny thumbnail pictures, lined up together like the world's worst mosaic.

Users have less than a square centimetre to make an impression, and while most of us need a pretty face to experience the first stirrings of arousal - or at least a half decent face, depending on the time of day, how long it has been since 'the last time' and how many vodka and tonics you've had - many users decide to cut straight to business and get out their best weapon.

No, not that, you're not allowed to show that. No, it's the bod, the rack, the torso - buffed, shiny, preened and, nine times out of 10, headless.

Yes, these gods are so confident in the appeal of their sculpted trunks that they don't even bother including their face. "I have a body like this," they drawl. "Why on earth would you care what I look like?"


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Wealthy, Handsome, Strong, Packing Endless Hard-Ons: The Impossible Ideals Men Are Expected to Meet

via AlterNet, By Greta Christina

Historically, men in our community are considered "less of a man" because we choose to romantically lay aside other men. As we continue the fight to break that stereotype, we must also fight alongside our heterosexual counterparts against messages of super fit,"hyper-masculine" robots that are being presented as "real men" in American culture. Read the article below.

 A recent article about male fitness models has made me vividly conscious of how the expectations of masculinity aren't just rigid or narrow. They are impossible. They are, quite literally, unattainable.

 But this ideal of masculinity isn't just difficult to achieve. It isn't just narrow; it isn't just rigid; it isn't just out of reach for some or even most men. It is, quite literally, unattainable. Even the fitness models themselves can't attain it: not without nightmarish physical ordeals, camera tricks and Photoshop. It is a carrot being dangled in front of a donkey -- which the donkey will never, ever get to eat.

We're not just talking about the world of fitness modeling, either. From weight loss products to underwear ads to cosmetic surgery to supposedly helpful books of advice on how to make yourself tolerably appealing to the opposite sex, men are being increasingly bombarded with messages about what Real Men are supposed to look like. It's not surprising that, among men, reported rates of anorexia nervosa, anorexia athletica, and other forms of disordered eating and body dysmorphia are on the rise.

And we're not just talking about physical ideals of masculinity. We're talking about cultural ideals. Sexual ideals. Economic ideals. Emotional ideals.

Sexuality educator Dr. Charlie Glickman has written a great deal (and teaches workshops) about male gender expectations, and what he calls "the performance of masculinity." And a two-part series he recently wrote crystallized this idea for me. He was talking about the "box" of masculinity.

The ideas we have in American culture about what a "real man" is and does. You know: strong, competitive, dominant, wealthy, good at fixing machinery, lots of sexual partners enjoys sports, big dick that gets hard on demand. You know the drill.


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Body Issues at the 2010 Gay Men's Health Summit

via Mark King, of My Fabulous Disease

Should our bodies matter?

via The New Gay, by Cyrus

Excerpt:

We are more than our bodies. Mainstream gay culture is starving to hear approval and validation yet atrophy the internal characteristics which make us profoundly interesting and resiliently confident individuals. We need to look less to muscle gods and trust more in our desires, visions and political organizing and the future of what is desirable remains for all of us to determine.

Read it all.

Do you see what I see?

Gay men’s body image: An insidious distraction

via San Diego Gay and Lesbian News, by Stephen Brewer

Excerpt:

How is it that we as a community have come to a point where it seems as though only fat-free muscular builds and thin physiques define attractiveness and worthiness of love?

First, take a moment to reflect on how you developed your sense of who you are.

This process was likely heavily influenced by how much your sexuality plays a part in your life. If you are gay, like it or not, your sexuality plays a huge role in your life. I don’t need to repeat how often we hear messages that being gay is immoral, disgusting, and threatening to American culture.

What other kinds of messages are we given? Mainstream media presents us with a selection of caricatures of gay men that can be described as feminine and weak.

Think about it. When was the last time a strong, masculine gay male was portrayed in mainstream American media?

Can’t think of anything? I certainly can’t, but I could be missing something.

Read it all.

How much is that eight-pack in the window?

You, too, can’t have a body like this

via Times Online 

Daniel Martin regularly puts his body through hell. For days at a time he restricts fluid intake so severely that the resulting dehydration causes headaches, haziness and overwhelming fatigue. Having trained for weeks like an Olympian with high-intensity circuits, running and weightlifting, he then cuts out exercise for 48 hours and opens a bottle of red wine to drink alone. A six-day carbohydrate-depletion diet, in which he eats little more than chicken and broccoli, leaves his muscles weak and his brain so starved of glycogen, its source of fuel, that he feels dizzy and disorientated when he stands up. He can barely walk, let alone hit the gym. And the reason for this torturous ritual of self-deprivation? Martin is preparing to bare his abs in a photoshoot for the cover of one of Britain’s top-selling men’s magazines.


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Ronaldo and the planet of the abs - and the rest of us?

via guardian.co.uk by Paul MacInnes


Cristiano Ronaldo's six-pack makes it clear that being reduced to a quivering jelly of insecurity is no longer just for women.

Excerpt:

It may be stretching it a bit to say that abs are the new tits. But they're definitely the new arse. Marky Mark may have started it, but in 2010 we have reached the abdominal crunch, where a male body part is finally being used in the way feminine equivalents have been used for decades; not just to shift product but make an entire gender feel inadequate.

As a feminist I would like to celebrate this blow against the patriarchy. But I can't, because I'm too busy peering at my flab-embossed tummy, feeling sorry for myself. For years it seemed impossible that it could come to this, men were surely too comfortable in their role in the world to feel insecure about their body; they wore the trousers. Now, they wear the underpants.

Read the whole thing.

Fat gay transvestites challenge Venezuelan machismo

The inaugural Miss Fat Gay contest aims to turn the stereotype of beauty on its head

via Guardian UK, by Rory Carroll

Music swells, lights flash and the contestants strut on to the stage, waving and blowing kisses. All wear high heels, bikinis and wide smiles.

It is another beauty pageant in Venezuela, a self-styled "beauty superpower" which worships physical perfection and has won the two most recent Miss Universe titles. But this show in Caracas is different. Even from the back of the theatre you noticesomething striking about the contestants. They are men. Large, chubby men.

Welcome to Miss Fat Gay Venezuela, a pageant with a new type of queen. The contest, the first of its kind, smashes taboos in a society that equates beauty with svelte, cosmetically enhanced women.


Read the rest, and watch the video.

A Little Goes A Long Way: with exercise, that is

[Thanks to Manhunt CARES for putting this on the LifeLube radar.]

via Real Jock, by L. K. Regan

Do you ever feel like there's no point in working out unless you are going to get that perfect, ripped body? Well, a new study out of the University of Florida suggests that kind of thinking couldn't be more wrong. Even if you achieve none of the usual workout goals—losing weight, getting stronger, increasing endurance—the simple fact of exercising will make you feel at least as good about your body as those buff guys at the gym feel about theirs. Makes the weight room look a little more inviting, doesn't it?

Read the rest.

More Queer Polaroids

Courtesy of Ted Kerr and his "One on One" project.

www.tedkerr.org

[we will feature more of these wonderful polaroids over the coming weeks - thanks ted! see the first installment.]

Polaroid Moments Reveal Queerness is Alive and Well

[LifeLube met the wonderful Ted Kerr from Edmonton Alberta at the 2009 National LGBTI Health Summit - and he shared some of his amazing work with us ....]

One on One started off as an attempt to queer and comment on the commodification of the gay male body but then evolved into something better—frank conversation between queer men about our bodies and what we do with them.

It almost always happened the same way; the guy would come over, we would both be nervous, I would be unbrave in asking them what I wanted for the photo and they would be unsure about how far they were willing to go. As we began talking both of us would loosen up and soon trust was born, truths were flying, pants were dropping and Polaroids were developing.

For me it is interesting how Polaroids have always been a way that queer dudes could make their own porn - and at the same time as the future of Polaroid was most unstable, so too in-the-face of perceived homo-normalization, was the idea of queerness. While doing One on One I learned that there are many attempts to save the continuation of Polaroid film, and that queerness is alive and well.

www.tedkerr.org

[we will feature more of these wonderful polaroids over the coming weeks - thanks ted!]

Relationship Compatibility: The Six Lights Theory

via Ken Howard, LCSW

In my private practice as a psychotherapist, I work frequently with gay couples seeking conjoint therapy to address a variety of challenges in their relationships. Over 16 years of practice, I have come to notice certain consistent patterns in what drives conflict between either long-term couples, or couples who recently met each other and who are trying to establish a relationship. Often, the struggles in a relationship are due to something going on in how we think about the other person mentally, feel about them romantically, or respond to them sexually. I call it “The Six Lights Theory.”

It goes like this: For a relationship to be working optimally, it is as if the two partners of a relationship have three little “status lights” on their bodies that light up, kind of like a computer modem. We have one of these lights on our head (indicating how we are responding to our partner rationally, and if they stimulate us mentally); one more at our heart (indicating how we are responding to our partner emotionally and romantically, such as being in love); and one more at our crotch (indicating how we are responding to our partner with sexual feelings). The brighter the lights in each area, the more robust our response. However, whenever one of these status lights is dim or burned out, there is a problem in the relationship. For a relationship to thrive at any given time, all six lights – his three, your three — need to be shining bright.

Brian and Victor came to see me due to complaints that they hadn’t sex in a long time, and both of them were starting to seek sex outside the relationship. In the course of couples therapy, it became clear that while their “head lights” were still bright – in that both of them still enjoyed each other’s company, stimulated each other intellectually, and had great talks – and their “heart lights” were both on – in that they still considered themselves in love and committed to keeping their home together – Brian’s “crotch light” in his sexual feelings for Victor had dimmed a bit, and Victor’s “crotch light” had dimmed to almost being off for Brian. Upon exploration, it was revealed that Victor had lost some sexual interest in Brian because his body had changed over the years they were together. Brian had slowly gained a lot of weight due to a new job that had kept him at a desk long hours.

Read the rest.

Unhappy with your body?

Research shows that gay men don’t like their bodies very much.

That might seem surprising, given the amount of time many of us spend at the gym. We probably devote more time and effort to cultivating our physical selves than any other demographic group. (This article is part of a continuing series for GAYTWOGETHER authored by John R. Ballew, M.S., a licensed private practice professional in Atlanta - specializing in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality.) Just the same, research indicates that straight men like their bodies most, followed by gay women; straight women like their bodies less than these first two. The group that likes their physical appearance the least is gay men.

Why is this? Gay men spend a lot of time in places that place a premium on physical appearance: bars, gyms, sex clubs. We live in a sexualized subculture that places a premium on physical beauty, and media and advertising bombard us with images that reflect an impossibly high standard of physical beauty. Under circumstances like these, it’s easy to confuse who you are with how you look.

We all like to see attractive men, of course. Still, more and more men – even men with bodies that most of us would agree are muscular and very attractive – find themselves very dissatisfied with how they look. At it’s most extreme, this situation is called body dysmorphia – a preoccupation with some imagined defect in appearance when the person involved is actually very normal looking. This problem can lead to depression and trouble forming healthy relationships.

Research indicates that eating disorders and body image problems are linked with public self-consciousness, social anxiety and feeling dishonest about who one really is. Men with internalized homophobia who have difficulty accepting themselves as gay are probably especially likely to develop a distorted body image or eating disorder.

Compared with women, who generally only worry that they are too fat, many gay men worry that they are either too fat or too thin. This misperception can become a genuine distortion disorder that could be called "reverse anorexia" or "bulkorexia." Even when dramatically muscular, men with this misperception feel they are too small or thin.

It's easy to see how men who have grown up with images of limp-wristed, reed-thin gay men form this sort of reaction and seek to show that they don't fit the stereotype. Preoccupation with muscles becomes a way of relieving fears about our masculinity.

Places where gay men socialize especially bars, gyms, and sex clubs, often emphasize physical attributes or make those the first criterion for checking someone out. It's difficult for someone who is older than a certain age or different from the prevailing cultural standards of beauty to catch someone's eye in a bar or club.

This has the sad and unintended consequence of leaving some gay men in the social binds most familiar to teenage girls – obsessed about their appearance and feeling like their locus of control lies completely outside of themselves.

If you have trouble accepting your body, there are steps you can take to improve the situation. First, take the concern seriously. Don't confuse who you are with how you look. Develop a sense of identity based on all of your attributes and on your values.

Put your body back together. Consider stretching, yoga and massage as ways to help yourself feel like more than just "skinny legs" or "love handles." Indulge in body pleasures – long baths, massage, good sex, a walk in the park on a sunny day. Make your own list.

Learn to appreciate body types in all shapes and sizes. Stop trashing men who don't conform to the "buffed" image. Seek alternative role models. Don't emphasize body size or shape as an indication of a man's worth or his identity as a man. Learn to value the person inside.

And finally, confront homophobia, including internalized homophobia. Don't accept being treated as a second-class citizen by straight society or by other gay folks.

‘We don’t promote six-packs’

Having a defined mid-section
does not necessarily mean healthy

Although images of six-packs are synonymous with health in the media, they are uncommon and difficult to maintain.

Rachelle Pangilinan is a nutrition science major and group fitness instructor at the Student Recreation and Wellness Center.

She laughed at the mention of six-pack abs.

“A six-pack is muscle definition and for it to show, one must have very little body fat,” she said.

A male’s body fat usually must be around 6 percent to 13 percent for a six-pack, and females must have around 14 percent to 20 percent. The average body fat percentage for males is 18 percent to 24 percent and for females it’s 25 percent to 31 percent.

“Fat is essential to our bodies,” Pangilinan said.

Read the rest via The Rebel Yell (University of Nevada, Las Vegas)

I give you ... Romero

At just 2ft 9in, Indian muscleman Aditya 'Romeo' Dev is the world's smallest bodybuilder. Pint-sized Romeo is well-known in his hometown of Phagwara, India - for his ability to lift 1.5kg dumbbells - despite his overall 9kg body weight. Every day, crowds flock to the local gym to the see the mini-muscleman in training. Click here to learn more.

No Shirts - a Hilarious Zap of Abercrombie & Fitch

Via ImprovEverywhere (they cause scenes)

"For our latest mission, 111 men of all shapes and sizes shopped shirtless in the Abercrombie and Fitch store on 5th Avenue here in New York. Enjoy the videos first and then go behind the scenes with our mission report and photos."

Check out the very entertaining post (including many more pics) here.