Gay Men and Women Are Not More Racist

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Laurence Watts

It was with huge dismay and much gnashing of teeth that I read Marten Weber's piece here on The Huffington Post, "Egg, Banana, and Coconut: Are Gays More Racist?" The piece does the LGBT community a great disservice.

Aside from a closing paragraph in which he concedes his assertion may be wrong (too little too late, I'm afraid), his article purports to demonstrate evidence that "the gay world is full of narrow-minded, bigoted racists." If I may, I would like to share with you my thoughts.

Mr. Weber's recurring theme for why gay men are racist is essentially that one is racist if one does not want to sleep with a man of Asian origin.

Presumably the same would be true if you have no desire to sleep with a black man. The absurdity of this statement can be summarized by pointing out that Rick Santorum is not homophobic because he doesn't want to sleep with men, but because he wants gay men and women banned from the armed forces, opposes same-sex marriage, and wants them banned from adopting children.

Just because someone isn't sexually attracted to someone of Asian origin does not mean they wouldn't want to work, live next to, or socialize with him or her, or that they believe they are somehow naturally superior to them.

Weber is confusing bluntness on "hook-up" sites with wider social judgements based on ethnicity. Racism is a strong word, and Weber does an injustice to us all by wielding it so inaccurately.

Another piece of Weber's "evidence" for racism in the gay community is the existence of separate bars for Asians and "Asian-lovers." But bars exist for every preference in the gay community, including bears, twinks, chubs, and leather-fetishists.

The specialization of such bars occurs because that is the will of their clientele and, more widely, the free market, not because of any law or statute or because any gay bar would turn away someone on the basis of their ethnic origin.

Weber seems to regard any kind of labelling as derogatory. For him terms like "rice queen" or "potato queen" have negative connotations and should not be used.

He believes that porn sites labeling certain sexual material as "interracial" show "how far away we are from an equitable, accepting society."

He is missing the point that all of this is about sex, nothing more and nothing less. Reversing his assertions, he presumably believes that the world will not be equitable until every 18-year-old gym bunny will willingly copulate with an obese octogenarian.

There are, of course, those who already happily do so, but they do so because that's what floats their boat, not because they are somehow free of the shackles of hormonally driven sexual attraction.

A possible "motive" that Weber proffers for gays being racist is that homosexual attraction may be at least partly rooted in identifying with the subject, which is to say not only do we want to shag a would-be boyfriend, but we also want to be like him.

He claims this is absent from heterosexual attraction, which would obviously explain why there are no heterosexual racists in the world. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

Weber seems oblivious to the fact that identification with the subject of one's attraction is not limited to skin colour or ethnic origin. It includes qualities such as assertiveness, intelligence, creativity, and sense of humour, to name just a few, and it is by no means unique to homosexual attraction.


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Asian Men with Balls: The Sociosexual Implications of Linsanity

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Justin Huang

I didn't pay much attention to Jeremy Lin until I realized he was getting me laid.

Story of my life: my insecurities take the form of mild to moderate narcissism and I ignore a cultural sensation -- the Asian Obama, if you think about it -- until it directly becomes pertinent to my sex life.

But there this pretty boy, whom I considered far out of my league, stood in front of me, offering to buy me a drink at Akbar, a trendy gay dive in the Silverlake neighborhood of Los Angeles.

The boy, whom I'll call Tim, was, I think, mixed-race, and generally too attractive for me. (I tend to like gruff guys, anyway, the type who look like they can take a punch.)

But it's always pleasant when an Adonis turns out to be good conversation, and after a few drinks, I asked him what he was looking for.

"To be honest," Tim replied, taking a swig of Anchor Steam, "I've been on an Asian kick ever since Linsanity. I think he's so hot, and I'm surprised I've never been with an Asian guy before."

Normally I don't like it when guys bring up my race when they're hitting on me. Without question, race is usually a major component of sexual chemistry (and I certainly have my own preferences), but there's no easier way to feel like a piece of meat than when you're being compared to an anime character. But this was different. And it was entirely new to me.

I was being likened to an all-American mainstream superstar, not a niche fetish.

Since then, I've gotten wing-manned by Linsanity on several more occasions. On my Adam4Adam account, I have a picture posted that features me clutching a strategically placed basketball. (I took this picture as one of the subjects of a photography project called Sexy Geeks.)

The photo shoot was taken months before Jeremy's Shakespearean rise to meteoric stardom, when the image of an Asian man clutching a basketball was meant to be a critique on societal stereotypes. How quickly things change.

Now, I'd gotten no fewer than 30 messages on Adam4Adam that directly comment on the basketball picture, gushing about Jeremy Lin.

I haven't really paid attention to the NBA since the end of the Golden Age of the Lakers in 2004. And the only reason I paid attention to that was because of the diva bitch fight that was the Kobe/Shaq rivalry. ("Just make out already!" I'd yell at the screen.) But this Jeremy Lin figure was ramping up my sex life, and I was curious as to why. So I Googled him.

On paper, Jeremy Lin and I have a lot in common. We are both American-born. We're both from good Christian families; we both were stellar students in school; we both grew up in California. Like my mom and dad, his parents came from Taiwan with hopes of a better future for their kids.

Like my maternal grandparents, his maternal grandparents fled China to Taiwan during Mao Zedong's takeover.

But the similarities end there. I was confused. Was it really just skin deep, this sudden spike in interest? Or is something greater at work here?

You see, I grew up completely devoid of any role models that I could physically identify with. I am a thoroughly Americanized Asian man, but I've always felt that when it comes to my identity, I am an army of one.

I feel marginalized by the stereotypes thrust upon me, even defensive. The image I present -- one that I believe makes me a serious contender in my social surroundings -- I've carefully cultivated myself, without a face to base it on.

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FAQ: Frequently Asked of Queers

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Khalid El Khatib

"Shit ____ Say" videos have replaced planking as the latest Internet meme, including videos on "Shit Gay Guys Say" and "Shit Girls Say to Gay Guys".

Their funny observations have me thinking about the "serious" questions I get from straight people, both open-minded friends and idiots -- questions that are almost exclusively a function of my being gay.

The FAQ below contains the questions I most commonly get, but I know others are out there. What am I missing, readers?

"Who pays on dates?"

This is a commonly asked question with an uninteresting answer. During dating, the check is typically split. There are specific situations and sects of the community providing exceptions -- "sugar daddies" exist, and starving artists have appetites, despite what the physiques of Broadway extras lead you to believe.

Once you're in a relationship, things work as you'd imagine: checks are split unless there's huge income disparity.

I can't recount a relationship I've had where I ate for free. The only time a gay man goes into a date with a meal ticket is when it's with a high-profile scientologist -- they're loaded.

"When did you know you were gay?"

People ask how and where "it" starts, especially curious about whether it starts as a spark or like an atomic explosion, all glitter and spray tan, no radiation.

After years of reflection, I say there's something religious about the way I discovered my sexuality. To clarify: the Tammy Faye type of religion involving wild theatrics, a semblance of spiritual mystery, and the constant question of whether or not who I am would save my soul or condemn it.

Ultimately, coming of age is first about what you discover, and then about the when -- gay men float in stages of figuring things out for variable periods of time.

Phase one occurs as the terrifying reality that you're different sinks in. There are many ways to reconcile this reality -- shut it away, warp it with drugs and alcohol, dance toward it slowly (secretly DVRing Glee), or give in.

Phase two revolves around victory or defeat, depending on your approach. Just as you grow excited about being different -- special -- you realize you're the same as many others.

Either you're crushed because your courage to come out manifests itself as self-importance (and your coming-out story is never going to get you that book deal), or you're thrilled to have hundreds of (broad) shoulders to cry on.

Once I told a bigot about my belief that coming to terms with one's sexuality is spiritual and involves an evolution that's required for a fully developed sense of self.

He responded that I need more faith. I rattled George Michael back ("a-faith-a-faith"), and that's exactly when I knew my transformation was complete.

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

This question is as absurd to me as when people ask if, given that I'm half Palestinian, I've ever dated an Israeli.

It's not absurd just because the question implies that the experience is unnatural, but because it's personal. Gay men: next time someone asks you this question, I implore you to raise your voice and speak with hand gestures (even if it's not typical).

Make the asker feel uncomfortable about their comfort in addressing you as a case study.

I never felt a need to ask any of my six straight college roommates if they've been with guys, and I can't imagine it's a question they need talking points around like us.

"Why are gay men so fit?"

First, we're not. America is one of the most obese nations in the world, and no community is immune to it (you're welcome, Mrs. Obama!).

Alas, this isn't a diatribe on male body image and the media; I won't go on about how society reinforces gay stereotypes.

Further, I don't have stats on "gay BMI" versus "straight BMI." I can only speak anecdotally as a gay man living in New York who occasionally attends parties hosted at hotels with well-lit pools...

It's true: there exists a bevy of gay men with incredible bodies. There's no one reason for it. My gay uncle recently told me he hasn't had ice cream in 10 years, and whenever I'm asked if I want crackers or bread with my soup, I'm a little too quick and loud in saying, "Neither!"

On the surface, many of us do swear off potatoes. But digging deeper, using some of what I learned in anthropology, I find it's easy to look at other microcosms of society and transpose them onto the gay community.

I think about the world of finance, where most traders have six-packs and can do the pretzel naked without revealing an ounce of body fat.

They operate in a hyper-competitive reality that is insulated by the long hours they work. Our community is insulated by the bars we attend and the restaurants we brunch at.

We compete with each other constantly, and the stakes are heightened because when you are able to lock down a relationship, it's much easier than in heterosexual relationships to discern whether or not it's a mismatch (imagine this as a neon sign above your head -- I'm speaking from experience).

It's probably this last piece that pushes us toward the gym more than anything else. Neon light is unflattering.

"Why are gay men so fashionable?"

Because we're fit.

"Do you think so-and-so is gay?"

It can always go in multiple directions.

A confident girl with a healthy sense of reality asks: probably -- she's asking for a reason.

An insecure girl asks: probably not -- it's probably that she's insecure.

A straight guy asks: depends, and the key to answering often requires a whole different type of video.


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Racism in the LGBTQ Community

via HuffingtonPost, by Rev. Patrick S. Cheng, Ph.D.

Gay people love to talk about the diversity of our "community." But sometimes our actions fail to measure up to our words.

Recently, the queer Asian community in New York City was outraged by plans for a new gay party to be called "Mr. Wong's Dong Emporium."

The event, conceived by Joey Izrael and the gay rapper Cazwell, was advertised using highly offensive language and stereotypes about Asian Americans, including a "Sum Hung Boys erotic dance troupe" and a "Happy Ending massage den."

To add insult to injury, when members of the queer Asian community spoke up and objected to this party, many non-Asian gay men dismissed these concerns by saying that it was just campy fun and that we needed to "lighten up."

Fortunately, the Gay Asian and Pacific Islander Men of New York (GAPIMNY) refused to be silent. GAPIMNY published an open letter to the party promoters explaining why this party was so offensive to the queer Asian community.

To their credit, the promoters apologized and changed the name and theme of the party. Whether or not this becomes a teaching moment for the broader LGBT community remains to be seen, however.

As an openly gay Asian-American man, I often feel like a stranger in my own queer nation. A number of news articles in recent years have documented the widespread racism against Asians in the gay party scene, as well as in gay cyberspace.

The "Dong Emporium" incident is just one of many racist incidents that have angered the queer Asian community over the years. Twenty years ago, in the spring of 1991, the queer Asian community protested a New York City fundraiser by Lambda Legal that was held at the Broadway musical Miss Saigon, which had used white people in yellowface to play Asian roles.

In 2000, queer Asians were enraged by a Hotlanta circuit party that featured a "Year of the Dragon" theme and used offensive Asian stereotypes like a "china doll" pageant competition, a "fried rice" dance party, and an "ancient Chinese secret: boxers or briefs" event.


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We've Trained the Media to Think We're Rich and White. That's a Problem

We've noted the perception of whiteness in the gay rights movement before. Some folks insist on making race part of the debate; others times, the evidence is irrefutable. And without a single leader, however, it's impossible to say our civil rights fight is led only by the light-skinned. But to anyone tuning in to the media's conversation on the issue, it might appear that way.

Read the rest at Queerty.