Egg, Banana, and Coconut: Are Gays More Racist?

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Marten Weber

Anyone following the hype over U.S. basketball star Jeremy Lin will have observed the thick layer of racism lying ponderously over the media.

One not-so-witty journalist rightly lost his job over the headline "Chink in the Armor," after Jeremy's recent setback, but the public statements of some athletes and the reactions in the press showed that race still matters, and racism is yet a fact of life.

As a hopeless (or hopeful?) sentimentalist, I like to think that there exists a global community of gay men and women who, in the face of discrimination and prejudice, all love and respect each other regardless of skin color, a worldwide brother- and sisterhood with common interests, similar outlooks on life, and shared values. Yeah, right!

How deluded this idea is was brought home to me during last year's visits to several American and European cities.

Almost every major metropolis with a gay scene has separate bars for Asians, and even for Asian-lovers, both of which have to endure a plethora of derogatory denominations, from "rice queen" to "potato queen" and a whole lot of edibles in between. (Do you know what a banana is? How about an egg or yolk? Or a coconut? Don't ask!)

A look at online profiles will bring the same disheartening revelation: the gay world is full of narrow-minded, bigoted racists.

Prowlers proudly pin their racism and prejudices on their profiles: the favorite "no fems, no chubs, no Asians!" reminds me of the old "no dogs or Chinese" store signs of pre-war Shanghai, and I shudder.

On my U.K. book tour in the lovely city of Manchester, we listened to natives explaining why Poles were good for a hot one-night stand (no pun there, I was assured), but not really boyfriend material; why one should always avoid Arabs and Turks ("they smell and lie"), and that Asians -- no offense to my husband, or indeed to me -- were only suitable for old queens or really ugly guys. "They are only after your money anyway."

The amount of racial affinity is staggering. Even in big metropolises like Madrid and Milan, we counted far more profiles of young men looking for men who were "alike" in age, looks, and muscle development than we found explicit interest in otherness and delight in racial difference.

The more subtle date-seekers qualify their predilections with the moronic "no offense, it's just my taste."

The author Andrew Holleran described the gay world as a social melting pot, the gay disco that most democratic of institutions, where construction workers meet lawyers on equal terms.

Apparently they do mingle, as long as the both share approximately the same genetic makeup. No Moroccan construction workers for that Danish lawyer, please.

As a biracial couple, we are especially attuned to such attitudes. My Asian husband tends to like or dislike cities by the number of friends we make on social apps -- thus Boston is better than Los Angeles, and Berlin better than London.

We made a test and changed his app picture to show only his torso. His dedication to healthy cuisine was rewarded by a whopping 143 Hi!s in half an hour!

Of those, 140 disappeared or blocked him when shown his -- and you must believe me here -- absolutely gorgeous Asian face. I won't tell you which city, but we ain't gonna visit there again, I tell you.

Go through any magazine in a Western bookstore or your local porn shop and you can count the number of ethnic cover boys on one hand. "Ethnic" is of course itself a Caucasian-centric term.

The fact that it, along with "Interracial," is a category on many websites is a sign of how far away we are from an equitable, accepting society in which the color of one's skin does not matter.

That Jeremy Lin has to be an Asian-American athlete rather than just an American basketball player is simply ludicrous.

To compare notes, we interviewed the owners of two straight dating website for this article, who told us that Asian men did not have a big following, whereas Asian women were fairly easy to match with desirous Caucasian husbands.

In general, the straight bars and pubs we surveyed had a higher percentage of racial diversity than any of the gay venues. In Asia, of course, Caucasian are invariably in high demand and are often treated better than their arrogance deserves. Perhaps because there are so few to go around? So is it racism or just a matter of supply and demand?


Read the rest

Asian Men with Balls: The Sociosexual Implications of Linsanity

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Justin Huang

I didn't pay much attention to Jeremy Lin until I realized he was getting me laid.

Story of my life: my insecurities take the form of mild to moderate narcissism and I ignore a cultural sensation -- the Asian Obama, if you think about it -- until it directly becomes pertinent to my sex life.

But there this pretty boy, whom I considered far out of my league, stood in front of me, offering to buy me a drink at Akbar, a trendy gay dive in the Silverlake neighborhood of Los Angeles.

The boy, whom I'll call Tim, was, I think, mixed-race, and generally too attractive for me. (I tend to like gruff guys, anyway, the type who look like they can take a punch.)

But it's always pleasant when an Adonis turns out to be good conversation, and after a few drinks, I asked him what he was looking for.

"To be honest," Tim replied, taking a swig of Anchor Steam, "I've been on an Asian kick ever since Linsanity. I think he's so hot, and I'm surprised I've never been with an Asian guy before."

Normally I don't like it when guys bring up my race when they're hitting on me. Without question, race is usually a major component of sexual chemistry (and I certainly have my own preferences), but there's no easier way to feel like a piece of meat than when you're being compared to an anime character. But this was different. And it was entirely new to me.

I was being likened to an all-American mainstream superstar, not a niche fetish.

Since then, I've gotten wing-manned by Linsanity on several more occasions. On my Adam4Adam account, I have a picture posted that features me clutching a strategically placed basketball. (I took this picture as one of the subjects of a photography project called Sexy Geeks.)

The photo shoot was taken months before Jeremy's Shakespearean rise to meteoric stardom, when the image of an Asian man clutching a basketball was meant to be a critique on societal stereotypes. How quickly things change.

Now, I'd gotten no fewer than 30 messages on Adam4Adam that directly comment on the basketball picture, gushing about Jeremy Lin.

I haven't really paid attention to the NBA since the end of the Golden Age of the Lakers in 2004. And the only reason I paid attention to that was because of the diva bitch fight that was the Kobe/Shaq rivalry. ("Just make out already!" I'd yell at the screen.) But this Jeremy Lin figure was ramping up my sex life, and I was curious as to why. So I Googled him.

On paper, Jeremy Lin and I have a lot in common. We are both American-born. We're both from good Christian families; we both were stellar students in school; we both grew up in California. Like my mom and dad, his parents came from Taiwan with hopes of a better future for their kids.

Like my maternal grandparents, his maternal grandparents fled China to Taiwan during Mao Zedong's takeover.

But the similarities end there. I was confused. Was it really just skin deep, this sudden spike in interest? Or is something greater at work here?

You see, I grew up completely devoid of any role models that I could physically identify with. I am a thoroughly Americanized Asian man, but I've always felt that when it comes to my identity, I am an army of one.

I feel marginalized by the stereotypes thrust upon me, even defensive. The image I present -- one that I believe makes me a serious contender in my social surroundings -- I've carefully cultivated myself, without a face to base it on.

Read the rest

No Asians! Sexual Racism in Online Hookup Sites

via Out Magazine, by Aleander Chee

I more or less forgot about the Internet tricking grind. I’m happily settled with a man, and we don’t have one of those one-eye-over-the-shoulder relationships where we each wait for the other to leave the apartment and then hit the web for the day’s hookups.

So it was off my mind until this summer, when a Tumblr, Douchebags of Grindr, launched with a storm of ridicule aimed at particularly egotistical profiles.

Much of the mockery on the DoG blog is reserved for the guys whose profile photos consist of Bentley keys and Black AmEx cards, or ones like the arrogant hottie whose profile reads, “I choose you! You don’t choose me!”

But what caught my eye was that there was a special place in Internet Hell reserved for the ones who put NO ASIANS on their profiles.

The no asians proclamation is usually accompanied by no FATS/FEMMES/POZ, as if being Asian is something cured with a visit to the gym, doctor, or behavioral therapy.

There’s a temptation here to try and litigate with the no asians crowd -- “How can you say you’re not into Asians? What about Harry Shum/BD Wong/Daniel Dae Kim?” -- but that’s really beside the point.

Disturbing as it was to see, I decided to really think about it.

Last fall, Alex Rowlson, in his piece for Canadian gay mag Fab, wrote, “The culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.” The thing is, if that happened, it happened a long time ago. Racial preference in the gay community is not new.

Twenty years ago, I moved to San Francisco after college and entered the bewildering maze of gay bars there that suggested gay life was more about race than about gender preference:

There were bars for white men to meet black men, black men to meet black men, white men to meet Asian men, Asians to meet Asians, and so on.

This Balkanized sexual landscape presented certain complications. I’m half Korean, half Scotch-Irish. Inside of these strict scenarios, I disappoint the rice queens, as well as the snow queens.

I have sometimes passed as white to those who didn’t ask questions. I’ve had guys ask if I was everything from Swedish to Mexican or African American.

If they didn’t ask, they’d engage in a guessing game. In the meantime, I’ve had boyfriends of many creeds. The only thing my boyfriends have in common is me.


Read the rest

Racism in the LGBTQ Community

via HuffingtonPost, by Rev. Patrick S. Cheng, Ph.D.

Gay people love to talk about the diversity of our "community." But sometimes our actions fail to measure up to our words.

Recently, the queer Asian community in New York City was outraged by plans for a new gay party to be called "Mr. Wong's Dong Emporium."

The event, conceived by Joey Izrael and the gay rapper Cazwell, was advertised using highly offensive language and stereotypes about Asian Americans, including a "Sum Hung Boys erotic dance troupe" and a "Happy Ending massage den."

To add insult to injury, when members of the queer Asian community spoke up and objected to this party, many non-Asian gay men dismissed these concerns by saying that it was just campy fun and that we needed to "lighten up."

Fortunately, the Gay Asian and Pacific Islander Men of New York (GAPIMNY) refused to be silent. GAPIMNY published an open letter to the party promoters explaining why this party was so offensive to the queer Asian community.

To their credit, the promoters apologized and changed the name and theme of the party. Whether or not this becomes a teaching moment for the broader LGBT community remains to be seen, however.

As an openly gay Asian-American man, I often feel like a stranger in my own queer nation. A number of news articles in recent years have documented the widespread racism against Asians in the gay party scene, as well as in gay cyberspace.

The "Dong Emporium" incident is just one of many racist incidents that have angered the queer Asian community over the years. Twenty years ago, in the spring of 1991, the queer Asian community protested a New York City fundraiser by Lambda Legal that was held at the Broadway musical Miss Saigon, which had used white people in yellowface to play Asian roles.

In 2000, queer Asians were enraged by a Hotlanta circuit party that featured a "Year of the Dragon" theme and used offensive Asian stereotypes like a "china doll" pageant competition, a "fried rice" dance party, and an "ancient Chinese secret: boxers or briefs" event.


Read the rest

Little Taiko Boy: "You can still cum, but not in my rump-a-pum-pum"

Little Taiko Boy combines Western holiday traditions, Shinto
mythology and Japanese gay culture to advocate a very different way of wrapping gifts for a loved one.

Little Taiko Boy's soundtrack is a safer-sex parody of the American Christmas carol "The Little Drummer Boy" interspersed with the slow rumble of a traditional Japanese taiko drum that sounds like a massive throbbing heart beat. Against this backdrop, several men meet in Tokyo's bathhouses, love hotels and cruising spots for intimate encounters, watched over by a glamorous drag version of Amaterasu Omikami, the Shinto goddess of the Sun played by Japanese activist and artist MADAME BONJOUR JOHNJ. Like a queer Santa Claus, the goddess leaves each couple a condom in a bejeweled wrapper as a gift and blessing for the night.

A Brilliant Response to Gays Who Hate Effeminate Gays

via Queerty.

Dating and Mating with Alan Irgang: Racism in the Gay Dating Scene

Ask Alan about love, romance, and relationships (and anything) else here! *All private information is kept confidential


Dear Alan,

I am an Asian guy, turning 26yo this year. I have been in this new city and gay neighborhood for almost a year now, it is sad to say that I am feeling out of place in the gay community.

I tried hard to deny this but I felt sexuality and romance could be so racist. I am surprised to see how people treat each other according to race while looking for sex or dates. Most people would not be interested when I walk in a bar. Surfing on the internet there are profiles after profiles that excludes Asians just on the basis of race. I had struggled for years with my sexuality, now I still do not have close gay friends that accept me as a person inside.

Dating is even a bigger challenge. Keeping a guy interested rarely happens. I tried to accept that it was just me they rejected, but most of the time my personality, my taste and my capacity for love could be completely ignored or not given any chance to be shown. I'm tired of this. I felt very frustrated and hurt. Please give me some guidance...

-Ken




Dear Ken,

Your letter reflects the sad and unfortunate reality that racism does exist in the gay community and beyond. It is particularly painful when you feel personally impacted by this. Feelings of frustration, rejection, exclusion, and inferiority make the problem particularly difficult to cope with.

I'm happy to hear you reflect that you see yourself as more than just your race. You have a lot to offer to another in a romantic relationship and the challenge is finding a mate that is the right fit for you. I hope you can maintain hope for having the kind of relationship you desire for yourself, while considering changing your strategy for calling it into your life. Although frequenting bars and online dating websites are a very popular means of meeting guys, given the amount of time and energy people devote to both, the payoff isn't all that great. There is so much judgment that goes on in those venues that many people end up feeling hurt and rejected. I recommend devoting more effort to getting involved in activities and organizations that make you feel good about yourself. This will also help you feel more included in the gay community. If you live in a large city like Chicago, there are over 200 established LGBT organizations. In particular, I encourage you to check out Asians and Friends of Chicago. Whether you are more attracted to Asian men or men of other races, the membership of this organization is quite diverse.

You might also want to consider participating in my 6 week group called Dating & Mating. Among many other topics related to dating and relationship building, we explore the best ways of meeting potential mates. The next group begins April 12. See my website for more information: www.alanirgang.com

Thank you for writing Ken. I wish you all the best in your new social strategy!









Alan Irgang, LCSW is a psychotherapist and “dating coach” in private practice in Chicago. He is also on the faculty of the Loyola University School of Social Work where he teaches graduate level courses in Human Sexuality. Alan has been in private practice since 1998 and has been facilitating groups for singles about dating and relationships for six years. Check out his website www.alanirgang.com for more information about his practice and his upcoming seminars for singles. Questions may be submitted to Alan at lifelube@gmail.com; all private information will be kept confidential.

Sexy Shirtless Asian Men Appear in 2010 Calendar

Sexy Asian American can be seen showing off their finely chiseled abs as they snowboard, ride dirt bikes, and engage in other outdoors activities, in a new Asian Pacific Male 2010 Calendar, now on sale at Amazon.

All proceeds benefit the Asian Pacific Health Care Venture (APHCV) of Los Angeles, a non-profit organization providing health care assistance to working poor and under-served Asian and Pacific Islanders since 1986. APHCV offers an extensive range of health care services in pediatrics, HIV/AIDS care, prenatal, counseling, senior health, behavioral health, and primary care.

“We are very privileged to be a part of this project and hope that the APA Men’s Calendar will increase awareness regarding the limited availability of affordable health care to many uninsured and under-served APIs,” says Carolyn Barragan, Fund Development Associate Manager of APHCV.

Read the rest on AsianWeek.

Read another article in the Asian Journal.

Reforming Macaulay

Here's a great piece from Asian Age on the decriminalization of homosexual acts in India, which happened earlier this month -



By Kajal Bhardwaj

"Madam, card dikhaye…" This was the fourth time I was stopped for "checking" on my way into the Delhi high court the morning of July 2. Not that one can blame the security personnel. There was a media circus outside the court compound. Satellite-topped OB vans took up the better part of Sher Shah Road and reporters with cameras and microphones in hand were starting to flood the footpath.

Clearly they too had got the previous night’s exciting news — the judgment on Indian Penal Code’s (IPC) Section 377 was to be delivered.

It is a case that, like so many others, my colleagues and I have followed with great interest. The 377 case, filed way back in 2001, was about gay rights, yes, but also about the broader notions of equality, dignity, "minority" rights and of womens’ rights in challenging legal and social norms that impose a single understanding of sexuality. So July 2 was indeed judgment day.

I sighed and showed my Bar Council card yet again and pushed the door into Court No.1. It was 10.30 am and the room was packed. Gay rights activists, lawyers, several petitioners of the case, reporters and spectators packed the room waiting for the judgment that could change many lives. As judgments in other cases were read out, the rising nervousness was palpable.

The group looked up expectedly as the Bench that had heard the case — Chief Justice A.P. Shah and Justice S. Muralidhar — walked in. In keeping with court tradition, the room rose and bowed to the judges in respect and sat down, this time on the edge of their seats. The judges, perhaps keenly aware of the path-breaking judgment they were about to deliver, kept a studiously straight face.

Chief Justice Shah looked out at the packed courtroom and said, almost grimly, that he would read out the conclusion. The front row comprising the lawyers for both sides — Naz Foundation, Voices Against 377, the Government of India, Joint Action Committee, Kunnur (Jack) and B.P. Singhal, the Bharatiya Janata Party’s former Rajya Sabha MP, stood at attention to hear the verdict. Three sentences into the Chief Justice’s reading and, like a wave sweeping a football stadium, one row after the other rose in attention —holding hands, straining to catch every word.

It was expected. Yet when these words were read out, "We declare that Section 377 IPC, insofar it criminalises consensual sexual acts of adults in private, is violative of Articles 21, 14 and 15 of the Constitution", an audible gasp went around the room. By the time the Chief Justice had finished reading the conclusion of the judgment, people were openly weeping and there were handshakes and hugs all around.

Watching the spectators collapse on each other, overcome by emotion, the guards charged with maintaining decorum in the court room quickly ushered the group out. Out of the court room and down three floors, most walked in a daze, looking around at their friends and colleagues wondering if they had actually heard what they had been waiting to hear for so long. Other lawyers in the Delhi high court gaped at the big troop descending the stairs, one wondering out aloud with unintentional accuracy, "Kahan se release hoke aayen hain ye sab? (Where have all these people been released from?)"

There was little time for the news to really sink in, to truly appreciate the enormity of the moment. As they all stepped out into a beautiful Delhi day, the activists and lawyers were mobbed by the television media asking their favourite and most inane question — "How do you feel?" As one activist put it later in the day, "How can you explain what freedom feels like?"

One-hundred-and-five pages long, the judgment was almost immediately available on the Delhi high court website. The conclusion, having been read out in court, was being quoted in all the news reports. But as a lawyer I couldn’t wait to read the "meat" of the judgment — the reasoning, the leap in our understanding of the law and the Indian Constitution, of the rights of privacy, equality, dignity that the judgment no doubt held.

The judges had a difficult job with this case. Not only were they being asked to determine if the gay community enjoyed the rights of privacy, liberty, health, equality and whether Section 377 in its disproportionate impact on the gay community violated these constitutional principles, they were also confronted with a provision that they could not repeal completely. Something even the petitions did not ask for.

Section 377 is a colonial relic. A provision of the IPC authored by Lord Macaulay, it reflected the most conservative in Victorian values by prohibiting all sexual acts, consensual or not, that did not lead to procreation and punishing "whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal". This included consensual oral and anal sex, making straight people criminals under this law as much as gay people but the force of the law weighed squarely against the latter. What complicates matters is the emphasis in the IPC on male to female penile-vaginal rape as the primary form of sexual assault; so other forms of non-consensual sexual acts including child sexual abuse against boys that are not covered by a specific provision in the IPC are covered by Section 377.

The judgment grapples with these diverse and complex issues with finesse and inspirational legal acumen. It is first and foremost an equality judgment articulating in unambiguous terms the impact of criminalisation and discrimination — from the inability to access government HIV programmes to extreme harassment and violence. It recognises that discrimination based on sexual orientation is prohibited by the Indian Constitution. It asserts a "constitutional morality" rather than a popular morality as the basis for law and government policy. And on all these counts, the judgment finds that Section 377 fails, insofar as it applies to adult, consensual, private sex.

As requested by the organisations that filed the case, Section 377 continues to be in force for cases of non-consensual sex and sexual abuse of children. In doing so it still requires the attention of Parliament to reform this centuries-old law which, with its limited understanding of sexual violence, denies many full protection of the law.

The 377 judgment has given voice to the ultimate vision of India — a society based on inclusiveness. To quote from the judgment, "Where society can display inclusiveness and understanding, such persons can be assured of a life of dignity and nondiscrimination". Captured in this one statement is the idea of a country that accords dignity and equal rights to all — regardless of religion, race, caste, sex, place of birth and, now, sexual orientation; indeed of any status or identity that becomes a basis for exclusion or ostracisation. It is a call, finally, for an anti-discrimination law that will ensure that government and private actors alike are bound by constitutional morality.

And it is, ultimately, a judgment that has served as a great reminder of why, sometimes, we do in fact, love the law.

Kajal Bhardwaj is a Delhi-based lawyer. She works on issues related to HIV, health and human rights.

Turn Compassion into Action

Check out The Banyan Tree Project

Land of the Rising MMMMMM

via Queerty

Though rarely seen outside of the gay underground, over 30 of Japan's top gay artists will come together later this month for an unprecedented group show at the Tap Gallery in Sydney, Australia. The exhibition, called "Boy's Life," is timed to coincide with Sydney's annual Mardis Gras festival, one of the biggest gay events in the world. For those of us unable to jet to the other side of the world, we present a sampling of the provocative gay artists working today in the land of the rising sun.

Read, and see, the rest.

Exotic

...“exotic” cannot be a permanent quality of any object. In order to enjoy the exotic, we must keep it at a distance. As soon as we possess it, it becomes familiar...

by Shinen Wong, via Fridae


In University, I fell in love with a boy whose name is S. I was 21, and he was 19. I was in my third year of university, just one year short of graduation, whereas he had just matriculated, fresh out of high school, nervous and excited, a gorgeous mess of a character. He was scruffy, lightly bearded on his boyish face, with short sugary-brown hair gently tousled on his head. He was Caucasian, with a lean, tight-framed, slightly lanky body. He stood about half an inch or so taller than I, about 1.27 centimetres in metric, something he and I had joked about once, foreshadowing our insurmountable differences.

I remember seeing him during our first Gay-Straight Alliance meeting that year, and catching glimpse of his adorable features peeking out from behind the girl he was standing behind. He and I never made eye contact that night, he had a nervous timidity that meant he scurried away from the meeting as soon as it was over, and before I had had the chance to introduce myself. I could not stop thinking about him. I had felt my heart race like it had not for so long. I knew that I had to speak to him, the boy with the tuft of scruff under his chin, and the earrings that connoted: maybe he was a bad boy.

Read the rest.

"Gay men’s health is about everyone’s health"

Lance is pictured center with partner Erik on the left,
at their Pride Day wedding officiated by Margaret Cho.

A Gay Men’s Health Agenda

By Lance Toma, LCSW

Executive Director, Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center

It’s so simple and real and within our reach.

As the political rhetoric turns to white noise, as the conservative regime loses its firm grip on our country, once we stop pitbull-ing and lipstick-ing ourselves against each other -- we must all see that gay men’s health is about everyone’s health. Gay men’s health is about the wellness and thriving of all of us. It’s so simple and real and within our reach.

It is a simple truth yet the path to it is not so smoothly paved. As I think about my life experiences as a gay Asian man, and my professional experiences in the LGBT movement and most recently leading a national Asian & Pacific Islander HIV and sexual health organization, I am well aware of the complicated road we must travel to achieve our equal rights and the legalities that must be righted to ensure that our nation’s policies support our health and well-being.

COMPREHENSIVE SEX EDUCATION

For gay and lesbian youth, for trans youth, for all youth – not having comprehensive, queer- and transgender-affirming sex education, is irresponsible, unethical and life-threatening. Abstinence-only education must end; the consequence of this policy is an increasing the mortality rate for the LGBT community as a whole. Condom education must be taught alongside abstinence, within a larger frame of communication and negotiation, respect for our romantic and sexual partners, love for our bodies and the clear acknowledgement of the sovereignty of our bodies, and affirmation of our sexual orientations and gender identities. Anything less is homophobic, heterosexist, and contributing to the debilitating co-morbidities associated with being part of the LGBT community.

COMPREHENSIVE HEALTH CARE AND IMMIGRATION REFORM

Health care systems, insurance structures, and all related policies must guarantee LGBT and immigrant and refugee inclusiveness, sensitivity and access. When anyone is scared to access our health care system, we have failed. When one is an immigrant, perhaps an undocumented immigrant and gay, there is no incentive to take care of one’s health, and our society sets that person up to remain alienated from their health care system. We must demand systems and models that are culturally and linguistically competent, that do not discriminate based on immigration status or sexual orientation or gender identity.

Immigration reform must ensure that, regardless of immigration status, immigrants of all ages are entitled to quality health care in our country. This, in combination with universal access to health care, is vital.

A WORLD FULL OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE AND FREE OF STIGMA & DISCRIMINATION

I have often been perplexed at the relationship between marriage and health. And, while I do not see this issue as the end-all and be-all of our movement, I now have had the experiences of getting married several times (to the same person) in my state of California. This simple, and relatively quick (because I suppose with all the heterosexual marriages, our government has figured out how to make this a relatively red-tape-free process that can go from start to finish in under an hour), action of marriage has long-term and powerful effects. In my family, my Asian parents and grandparent and aunties and uncles have embraced my African American partner and our African American son. My in-laws embrace me as son and grandson and nephew. Our neighborhood community, mostly comprised of older heterosexual African American families, has showered us with presents and good wishes on our marriage.

Same-sex marriage has a magnificent way of eliminating stigma and discrimination that plagues our families and communities. Everyone knows how to act when it comes to marriage, or so I’ve found out. And, this has enormously positive ramifications for us an LGBT community. Ultimately, I have witnessed and experienced same-sex marriage as fostering a safer neighborhood community for myself and my partner and son and a more loving and committed extended family, both blood and chosen. This has everything to do with our survival and reaching the fullest potential of our health.

IN CLOSING…

We are all on a road that is not so well-traveled and at the same time being actively paved with great intentions and goals by amazing people. As we continue on this path, I look forward to the struggles and the stumbles, the delights and destinations along the way, and ultimately to that part of the path that is less bumpy because we will have achieved the structures and the policies, the models and the systems that ensure that we, alongside our brothers and sisters and sons and daughters, thrive now and into the future.

------------

[Click here to read previous input into the 2009 Gay Men's Health Agenda. Please feel free to comment there - or you could send in a full post of your own here. We will be happy to publish it! The feedback we receive will be featured in the closing plenary of the upcoming National Gay Men's Health Summit and will be a means of moving the community forward in the new year around issues that are important to all of us.]

Massage with unhappy endings

By Alex Au on Fridae.com

Think again before you accept a "special" to round off a massage session – even if you've got "protection." Alex Au, who loves going for massages, explains why.

"You want? I have condom," he whispered.

"No, definitely not," I said, for the umpteenth time slightly horrified. "Your hands are full of oil. My body's full of oil. Oil no good for rubber condom."

Yet, for the umpteenth time, I doubted if my message got through.

I'm a massage mole; I love going for massages. And there is no better place for the sheer variety of offerings than Bangkok.

Some days, I choose the highly skilled professional massage places complete with burning aroma, rose petals, ginger tea and staff bowing so frequently you fear they'd soon be hunchbacked. Other days, I want the friskier places.

(Yet other days, I choose the downmarket dumps, for the sheer pleasure wallowing in dirt, but I'm not about to tell you about those.)

The frisky places are where the dangers lurk. The price of the massage tells you that the establishment cannot quite afford to pay the masseurs decent salaries and they have to depend on tips. Naturally, the way to maximise tips is for the masseurs to offer "special services" to round off a session.

It's an open secret that sex is available, in fact, almost obligatory, to the extent that on the petite tray that these masseurs take with them into the room, one finds not just the essential oil and the decorative orchid, but often two packets of condoms as well, artfully tucked under the said orchid.

But massage, to mean anything, has to involve oil, and especially since these boys aren't professionally trained, they tend to slather on the oil like one might baste a pig for roasting. And then after all that oiling, to still expect condoms to provide a reliable barrier... well, wake up. (Oil and oil-based lubricants such as hand creams, baby oil and Vaseline can damage latex and cause latex condoms to tear more easily. So use only water-based lube such as KY Jelly, Astroglide, Wet.)

Read the rest.

CDC misses mark with HIV prevention programs, critics say

Only four of 49 interventions target gay, bisexual men.

Yet this population accounts for 50% of the HIV infections in the US?

How can this be?

Making of Asian Men Redfined 2008 Calendar with Marko and Aris

Body vs Race (at the baths and at the gym)

An installment from Bathhouse Blues

Why is it that the gay community considers bone thin young Gay White Men (GWM) an ´Abercrombie and Fitch´ type. While at the same time young Gay Asian Men (GAM), with the exact body type, undesirable and worthless?

Smart Sexy Porn Blog For Gay Guys In America gay men are EXCLUSIVELY attracted to white European-type men. What is so ironic is that these same European gay men (that are so desirable in by U.S. gay men) more receptive to different races. That is because in Europe, people are far more open-minded to different cultures and races. It is a different cultural upbringing and mind-set, as you see many interracial couples on the street. But the American culture is solely focused on Caucasians. You see it on TV, print ads, magazines, and movies. Just about everywhere you see any media images. So gay men in the U.S. are brought up with the subliminal message that white is the only desirable race.

Add to that, the majority of gay men are obsessed with their body. Being toned and muscular is every gay man ticket to acceptance in the mainstream, barhopping, bathhouse-going, coke-snorting, Cher-loving, gay community. Once you are ´buff´ you are in. So it should come as no surprise that many gay men are running to the gym in droves in hopes of being more marketable in the gay community. And an increasing number of these men are Asians. These are the GAM who refuses to give up hope. They are convinced that GWM are their saviors. Again, it is that deep insecurity that so many GAM carry with them. GAM hope to feel the acceptance, they crave so desperately from the gay community, by hooking up with a GWM. If we as GAM cannot control the racism in the gay community, the only other option is to be able to control they way we look. That is because GAM continually has to fight the stereotypes of being small, submissive, and gentle. In short a bottom. But does an Asian man redefining his own body really help? Put it this way. How many buff Asian faces do you see at a white party? It is pretty apropos that they call a party like that, since only white guys are allowed there!

Read the rest, and more, on Bathhouse Blues.