Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts

Monday, February 27, 2012

Old Is the New Black; BDSM, the New Gay

via HuffPost Gay Voice, by Eric Schaeffer

Being human is sublime. The ability to reason and feel emotion definitely blows my skirt up and makes me grateful The Great Spirits chose to birth my breath into this particular animal form.

Sadly, though, there is a serious downside to this intellect-emotion body: ego. The notion of separateness. And the ego seems passionately devoted to pounding that delusion of separateness into our hearts and minds so that we hate anyone who is not like us because we fear their difference will be our downfall, when, in fact, the opposite is true.

Other people's wonderfully unique nuances are our soul's education and light source. They are our uprising, not our undoing.

But the hate bully born from the fearful voices of our friends, parents, schools, media, and spiritual teachers, who are terrified of not being accepted for who they are and what they feel, has historically body and mind-snatched our higher internal judgment and convinced us there are a right people and a wrong people. A people to love and a people to hate.

It needs to end once and for all, because as of now, we are merely transferring the baton from one ridiculed group to the next every so often, absolving ourselves of inaction by doing so, and claiming evolution of equality and tolerance when, in fact, that is a lie and we are comfortably dying from the cancer at the source which remains untreated and more ferocious than ever.

PAST CHAMPIONS

As if black people and homosexuals had not been mistreated enough by the bigoted fascists of our country over the past 200 years, recently they had to endure the penultimate blow.

No longer being the number one most hated peoples. (Non-criminal, of course.)

For blacks, this crushing blow was memorialized in the autumn of 2008. When polled, a vast majority of Americans said they would rather vote for, as president of our country, the most powerful person in the world, a young black man (who was even accused of being a Muslim sympathizer, and in our world accused means guilty, especially with young black men) than an old white man, who happened to also be an established, well-liked war hero.

That signified the changing of the hate guard in the most absolute terms.

At that moment, the major news organizations, the truth makers, had announced loud and clear; old is the new black.

I remember it well. I was on a sit-down bike at the gym and the sadness was palpable. It was as if the hum of the workout machines was replaced by the sound of tears being shed by the nation's black people, devastated they were no longer at the top of the sociopath's "most reviled" heap.

But wait, what was that noise that seemed to be supplanting the ocean of black sadness? Gay cheers? Gay people all over the country were wildly expressing their joy at the promise of soon taking over the number one spot of hatred by America's ignorant.

Old people, while valiant in their attempt to retain their new crown, would be too weak to fight off the tidal wave of support for the new impending kings of the lowest: homosexuals.

And so it came to pass. As quickly as the white-hairs rose to power was as quickly as they retreated back to their bingo games, replaced by the gays.

But, alas, the past three years has been good to the gays -- which has made their tenure fragile, and ripe for hostile takeover. Ever more acceptance by the mainstream, evidenced by the passage of gay marriage, integration of openly gay co-workers, family members, friends, entertainment stars, and gay-themed TV and movie successes have all conspired to put the gays one solid far-right-cross away from a TKO.

And, sadly, the weight of the gay successes has been too much to bear and while they have fought bravely, they have finally succumbed.

Homosexuals are no longer the anti-Christs. That prestigious honor now resides with a new rising star that has seemingly come out of nowhere: BDSM.


Read the rest

Monday, December 12, 2011

Op-ed: What Makes Him Gay?

via Advocate, by Michael Lucas, op-ed contributor

Society’s double standard says that a straight woman who kisses another woman is part of the continuum of her sexuality; but if a straight guy messes around with a man, it’s cause for hasty label-making.
Isn’t it time we stopped defining male straightness so narrowly? Gay liberation should liberate straight guys as well as gay ones, but our ideas about it are just catching up.

We all know the old double standard: Sexual fluidity is celebrated in women but treated with skepticism or worse in men.

If a straight woman kisses another woman, or goes to bed with her, it’s understood to be part of the continuum of her sexuality; but if a straight guy messes around with another man, it’s cause for judgment, suspicion and hasty label-making.

Given the social taboos against gay male sex, the argument goes, no man would experiment with another guy unless he really, really needed to.

Ergo, any guy who has ever fooled around with another guy must be gay — or at least decidedly bisexual. It’s an outdated, fundamentally homophobic view: the sexual-orientation equivalent of the old racial-purity laws whereby a single drop of so-called “black blood” defined you as black.

It would be one thing if this antiquated attitude were limited to homophobic straight men (to whom any hint of homosex makes alarms go off), or even of worried straight women (who don’t want to be stages in the coming-out journeys of gay men).

But many gay people — eager to “claim” celebrities or acquaintances for the gay team — often share this approach, gleefully gossiping about same-sex encounters by people who say they are straight.

The implication is not just that straight-identified men who have dabbled in gay sex have skeletons in their closets, but that they have the closet in their bones: that they are “actually” gay and only pretending to be straight, whether because they’re in denial to themselves or just lying to the rest of the world to protect their careers or reputations.

In reality, male sexuality is a whole lot of more complicated — especially in a culture that is increasingly tolerant of homosexuality.

When I was in college, the sexual revolution was just beginning to sweep through Russian culture. Although I knew by then that I was gay, I didn’t have many ways to meet guys, and I became sexually involved with a girl from my school.

Did that make me straight? Happily, it did not.

Meanwhile, I was infatuated with a male friend of mine. One day he stayed late at my place to study for exams, and ended up sleeping over; we shared a bed, and one thing led to another.

We fooled around several more times. Did that make him gay? Sadly for me, it did not: He fell in love with a girl, and that was that. I was devastated, but despite our little affair, he was straight and both of us knew it.

This kind of thing happens with women in college all the time. There are even cute acronyms to describe this phenomenon: LUGs (for Lesbians Until Graduation) and BUGs (Bisexuals Until Graduation). Shouldn’t guys have a similar freedom to be Homos Until Graduation? Why not embrace the HUGs?

Straight actor Thomas Jane, the handsome star of the HBO series Hung, helped push the dialogue forward last month in an interview  with the Los Angeles Times, when he broke a taboo by talking openly about gay sex he had when he first arrived in L.A.

He was careful, at first, to frame it in terms of economic necessity: “I didn't have any money and I was living in my car,” he said. “I was 18. I wasn't averse to going down to Santa Monica Boulevard and letting a guy buy me a sandwich. Know what I mean?"

But Jane didn’t stop there. “It’s not a choice until you're open enough to experience both male and female sexuality,” he continued. “Until you've tasted the food, you don't know whether you'll like it or not, as my mom always said.”


Read the rest

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The messy truth about gay fidelity

There are many ways to nurture a relationship, and if gays have anything to teach the wider world it’s that there’s more than one place to draw the line. 

via The Star, by Brent Ledger

I was perplexed recently to read of infidelity in the gay community — some guy complaining to a love columnist about his honey-pie’s extramarital amours. Not perplexed because the guy was shocked or hurt or angry. Just surprised that he thought to raise it. Infidelity isn’t a concept that has much traction in gay life.

Read the rest.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Qind is Fixated on Fellatio, and More

Qind is an online relationship magazine that explores how we relate to ourselves, each other and the world around us in a positive way through the sharing of experiences

The current issue is a good example of the range of subjects they cover from being single to relationships in full gear to the very juicy mind-trip of giving head.

May sure to check out the latter - Fixated on Fellatio - by Julian Beckedahl
The phallus is designed to be stimulated and men do go to great lengths to coax their sex organ to climax. In this liberated era of sexual diversity and fetish preferences, it’s easy to forget that a tried and tested method of successful phallic arousal is oral sex. For most men, nothing beats the warm, soft and moist enclosure of an expansive mouth: an accommodating and willing orifice that knows exactly how to wet, lick, suck and rhythmically work the penis to the point of an aching, heated, shuddering and unstoppable orgasmic release!

Related on Qind - How Risky is Oral Sex?


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Colorlines: I Am HIV Positive and I Don’t Blame Anybody—Including Myself

via Colorlines, by Kirk Grisham
 People I love and talk to about my status do not always have the language or tools to express their grief and worry. They ask things like, “How could you be so irresponsible?” Or, “How could you fuck up like this?”

I am HIV positive, and I don’t blame anybody for it—not myself or anybody else.

He didn’t rape me and he did not trick me. It was through our unprotected sex that I became HIV positive. Since seroconverting, I have been very conscious of the language I use to discuss transmission, particularly my own. To say “he gave me HIV” obscures the truth, it was through a mutual act, consensual sex, that I became HIV positive. When speaking to him a couple months after my diagnosis I gathered that he knew he was positive when we had sex. But that is beside the point; my sexual health is mine to control, not his.

We are encouraged to think about prevention and transmission in terms of responsibility. Someone must be at fault. Culturally, we hunt for secret villains. Today’s “down low” black man is but the latest boogeyman at which we’ve pointed our fingers—the latest of the so-often racialized monsters at which we can direct HIV blame rather than have honest conversations about sex and relationships.

Read the rest.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality - Including the Gays!


Come to the University of Chicago November 4 and hear as sex researcher Christopher Ryan, PhD, talks about his new book SEX AT DAWN: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, which has been hailed by sex-advice columnist Dan Savage as “the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.”

Dr. Ryan will talk about how our ancestors lived in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care,... and often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, often overlooked evidence from anthropology, archeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, Dr. Ryan will describe how far from human nature sexual monogamy really is.

Some of the themes he’ll explore include:

• why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many;
• why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens;
• why many middle-aged men risk everything for an affair;
• why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic;
• what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality.

Event co-sponsored by the Center for Gender Studies and the Office of LGBTQ Student Life of the University of Chicago.

Sex at Dawn: The Origins of Modern Sexuality
Thursday, November 4, 7pm

Office of LGBTQ Student Life

5710 South Woodlawn Avenue
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