It's Time: Yes, I'm Gay, and I'm Unapologetic

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Troy Roness

Growing up in North Dakota in an environment abundant with oceans of wheat, vast plains, rolling hills, and wonderful people, it's hard to believe that such a tumultuous journey could lie ahead in a young man's life.

To each outcast, in every sense possible, this piece is for you.

In a quiet community of roughly 1,000 residents, I lived a fairly "normal" existence. Worshiping in my hometown church, participating in community events, and riding my bike everywhere until dusk was part of everyday life.

But dark clouds gathered in the distance of my sky, and I had no idea a "perfect storm" would soon begin my Stepford-like existence.

For the first 16 years of my life, I was exposed to emotional trauma at home and bullying and teasing in school, and I became very good at trying to make everyone happy.

I wore many hats when tackling my ever-changing surroundings. My mother always instilled in me that there was nothing I couldn't do. I was always encouraged.

Sure, my parents pushed for solid academics, but like all parents, they wanted me to succeed. I embraced being respectful to everyone I was surrounded by and used humor to attract attention in an attempt to separate myself from my insecurities.

I played every sport possible and was even named "Senior Athlete of the Year." However, this "jock" was nervous, hated his looks, and was forced into internal seclusion despite his outward demeanor.

I never realized I was struggling. Everything I was feeling, good, bad, or otherwise, was simply pushed down and nearly unnoticeable.

Fortunately, I was introduced to faith, true faith, during my teen years and embraced all it had to offer. The Lord took my heart at the age of 18 and never let it go. I'll never blame my faith for obstacles I've endured. In fact, it's what keeps me going through the most difficult of times.

Staring at myself in a mirror, I internalized my shame, guilt, and insecurities. I believed my appearance defined my existence.

The perfect grades, the perfect body, and appearing flawless would somehow make me complete. I've learned, though, that we aren't mean to be "perfect"; we're meant to be whole.

College is everyone's opportunity to be free, thrive on their own, and separate from their roots, right? Well, with no idea of where life would take me, I spiraled into an addiction to exercise, paired with anorexia -- aka "eating disorder not otherwise specified," or EDNOS.

Yes. I'm a guy with an eating disorder, a jock, a Christian... and gay. One of the major contributors to my illness was the internal fight where faith was my guide and being gay was incredibly wrong.

However, I could never simply throw it away and believe that's why I've struggled for so long.

In an appearance on Dr. Phil in 2009, I sought help and endured six months of residential treatment to begin my recovery. I addressed emotional trauma, my parents' divorce, perfectionism, self-hate, bullying, and family alcoholism.

However, throughout that time, and even the year after, I never addressed the internalized homophobia that manifested out of my desire to please God.

Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders aren't about looking good. Through extreme exercise and trying to control what I could, the physical, I nearly killed myself, twice, by pushing my body to the brink, enduring self-punishment and starvation.

I've drawn my own conclusions about the responses I'll receive concerning my sexuality: avoidance, hatred, acknowledgment, and pity. Just FYI, I'll take any of those responses but pity. It's taken so long to be where I am and to find my voice, so I'll never regret the journey here.

Telling a few loved ones that I'm gay has been interesting, but most people who know me are learning this for the first time as they read this piece. Aug. 31, 2010 was a first step.

On that day I received the craziest response: acceptance. That's the response I'd feared. Odd, right? Even more terrifying, though, was that that person had "wondered" about my sexuality for some time.


Read the rest

STUDY - Gay Men Have More Eating Disorders

By: Psych Central News Editor
on Monday, Apr, 16, 2007

Reviewed by: John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
on Monday, Apr, 16, 2007

Bisexual and gay men are at far higher risk for eating disorders than heterosexual men, according to research involving New York City residents. Investigators discovered more than 15 percent of gay or bisexual men had at some time suffered anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder, or at least certain symptoms of those disorders.

Researchers from Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health report the findings in the April 2007 issue of International Journal of Eating Disorders.

In the first population-based study of its kind, the researchers found that gay and bisexual men have higher rates of eating disorders.
Researchers Ilan H. Meyer, PhD, and Matthew Feldman, PhD, surveyed 516 New York City residents; 126 were straight men and the rest were bisexual men and women.

According to the study results, more than 15 percent of gay or bisexual men had at some time suffered anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder, or at least certain symptoms of those disorders — a problem known as a subclinical eating disorder, compared with less than five percent of heterosexual men.

In contrast, sexual orientation did not seem to influence the risk of eating disorder symptoms among women. Just below 10 percent of lesbian and bisexual women and eight percent of heterosexual women had ever reported having a subclinical eating disorder.

Despite the interest in the question of eating disorder in lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals, until now studies used measures of body dissatisfaction or symptoms of eating disorders, which may suggest the presence of an eating disorder, but does not assess diagnoses. This population-based study for the first time provides evidence of formal diagnoses based on established psychiatric criteria.

"It is not clear why gay men have high rates of eating disorders,"
says Dr. Meyer. "One theory is that the values and norms in the gay men's community promote a body-centered focus and high expectations about physical appearance, so that, similar to what has been theorized about heterosexual women, they may feel pressure to maintain an ideal body image."

To assess this theory, the investigators studied whether gay and bisexual men with greater connection and affiliation with the gay community are more likely to have eating disorders than those who are not affiliated with the gay community. Despite slightly elevated eating disorders among men who were active in gay recreational groups, men who said they felt closely connected to the gay community and who participated in a range of gay and bisexual organizations did not have higher rates of eating disorders than men who were not as closely affiliated with the community.

"Even gay and bisexual men who participate in gay gyms, where body-focus and community values regarding attractiveness would be heightened, did not have higher rates of eating disorders than those gay and bisexual men who participated in non-gay gyms or who did not participate in a gym at all," observes Dr. Meyer. "This suggests that factors other than values and norms in the gay community are related to the higher rates of eating disorder among these men."

As for the findings in women, the researchers reported no differences in rates of eating disorders between lesbian/bisexual women and heterosexual women, suggesting that lesbian/bisexual women are not protected from eating disorders as some previous researchers have suggested. Also, rates of eating disorders of lesbian/bisexual women did not differ significantly from gay/bisexual men.

"This shows that there needs to be greater awareness of these problems among gay and bisexual men and women alike, as well as specific interventions to address the issues in this population," the researchers conclude.

Source: Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health