“It always seemed to be a point of discussion among our parents that it was wrong,” Alfano, the middle of three children, said.
“Either the channel would be changed or it would get upsetting to watch, uncomfortable for everybody.”
Alfano, in secret, was more upset than any of them, even on the verge of taking his own life.
He was afraid those things at the very center of his world — family, faith and hockey — would reject him if and when the truth of his own life came out.
Today, Alfano has put those worries behind him as the first openly gay student body president in DePaul University's 113-year history, a double major law school hopeful who, in his free time, is a standout forward for the Chicago Gay Hockey Association men's league.
The past several years have been what Alfano, now of Lake in the Hills, calls a “continuous journey” of self-discovery that has tested the bonds of friendship, faith and family.
When Alfano was an eighth-grader at Maria Goretti Catholic School in Schiller Park, he first began wrestling with the idea that he might be gay.
As he came to terms with those feelings over the next few years, he felt compelled to keep everything bottled up inside.
The former captain of the Huntley Raiders varsity hockey team, he was aware of homophobic attitudes that existed both on and off the ice.
“I don't have any family that are out, and I didn't have any really good friends at high school that were out,” he says.
There was no playbook for this sort of thing, he says.
In fall 2008, two months into his freshman year at DePaul, Alfano decided to tell his best friend at home that he's gay.
“She took it incredibly,” he said. That positive reaction helped give him the courage to tell other close friends the news a few months later over Christmas break.
With his family, however, it's taken more time. Alfano told his parents this summer, the most difficult part of his coming-out process.
“My family has embraced it better than I expected,” he said. “It's definitely hard with Mom and Dad. They're still embracing it and accepting it fully.”
His older brother Peter — who Alfano says has been very supportive — has not returned calls seeking comment.
Catholic doctrine teaches that “homosexual desires” are not in themselves sinful, but acting upon them is.
“I do think being both raised Catholic and coming out has shaped how I view (my faith),” Alfano said.
While he praises Catholic social teaching, and its respect of “inherent human dignity,” he also admits it's “hard to support an institution which in some way is oppressing you as well.”
Yet, struggles with faith haven't stopped him from success — or acceptance — at DePaul University in Chicago, the largest Catholic college in the country.
Alfano will graduate in June with a double major in international studies and political science.
Alfano, who officially came out to the world on Oct. 10 — National Coming Out Day — says he didn't make an explicit note of being gay during his campaign for student body president.