Gay Introductions

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by Domenick Scudera

'Tis the season of holiday celebrations, office parties and family gatherings. For gay people like me, these social events lead to a unique problem.

When I introduce the man I love to other people at a party, I cannot use the convenient title "husband" to explain who he is to me. Same-sex marriage is not recognized in our state.

There are many other options that I could use to introduce Brian to my long-lost Aunty Trudy from Duluth, but none of them is satisfactory. Here are a few:

Boyfriend: Brian and I have been together for 16 years. We are both... well, let's just say we are both on the other side of 45. We are too old and have been together too long to be "boyfriends." If we were going steady, or going to the prom, then maybe "boyfriends" would be more appropriate.

'Friend': I have lots of friends, and Brian is one of them. In fact, he is my best friend. But he is much more than that, so if I were to use this term to explain our relationship, it necessitates the use of quotation marks, italics or winks, as in:

"I'd like you to meet my 'friend' Brian [wink, wink]." You could use the word "roommate" in the same way: "my 'roommate' Brian [wink, wink]." This is all a little too cutesy for my taste.

Mate: This word would be fine if we were pirates. "Aye, matey, this here's me first mate Brian. Now swab the deck. Arrrgh."

Partner: This word makes us sound like attorneys in a law firm: "Scudera, Strachan and Associates, Homosexual Partners Since 1995." (Well, this could work if you consider our dogs "associates.")

Domestic Partner: This is even worse than "partner." It makes us sound like we are joint owners of a home cleaning service: "Scudera, Strachan and Associates, Domestic Gays Since 1995. We Make Your Floors Sparkle!"

Lover: This defines our relationship by a sex act. Although Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum may want to define our "lifestyle" this way, I would rather not. Sex is just one aspect of many in our lives.

It seems random to choose one part of our relationship to represent who we are to each other. Brian cooks dinner sometimes, but I would not introduce him as "my chef Brian."

He also does the gardening in our yard, but he is not "my gardener Brian." I could just as easily call him my "confidant," my "driver," my "dog walker," or "the guy I watch TV with."

All these choices, including "lover," are too limiting.


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"Remembering My Friends"

via Edge, by Michael Petrelis

December 1, World AIDS Day, is just around the corner and as the day approaches I’ve been thinking of marking the occasion by remembering and honoring absent friends who’ve died from HIV-related illnesses and complications.

For World AIDS Day last year, on my personal blog, I wrote about a true unsung hero of the epidemic, Dr. Joseph Sonnabend, who was my first AIDS doctor and whom I cannot credit enough for helping keep me, and so many others, alive and relatively well.

Before the term AIDS was created, and even prior to GRID, gay-related immune deficiency, Sonnabend was on the frontlines of gay male health in New York City.

Among his accomplishments was developing effective prophylaxis regimes to avert opportunistic illnesses, creating safe sex guidelines and assisting people with AIDS to empower themselves.

Retired from seeing patients, he lives in London now.

This year it’s time for me to recall five deceased friends and colleagues, and a bit of their lives and achievements


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Does Gay Sex make one Homosexual?

via blackgaymensblog, by Storm

The previous blog post about black gay and bisexual men seducing straight men prompted a lot discussion on Facebook and on Skype.

I decided to start a separate dialog, because there was a lot of focus on whether or not a man could be considered straight if he has had gay sex.

For me, the previous blog post had more to do with wanting someone, who was unattainable and lusting after straight men, who are often perceived as sexually superior, than whether or not straight men who might engage in gay sex are still heterosexual.

The minute straight men are mentioned on Black Gay Men’s Blog, some of us immediately lose sight of the totality of the article and focus on whether or not straight men, who engage in gay sex can still be straight.  So, I thought we could explore that here.

Personally, I do not believe that engaging in gay sex once makes a man(or woman) gay. I don’t believe sexuality is that clear cut – it all depends on the circumstances surrounding the sexual encounter.

I am not suggesting homosexuality is a choice, but I think engaging in homosexual acts can be. Let me make one thing clear, I am not talking about repetitive, on-going sexual encounters or referring to those men, who might be in denial. 

I think that any man who has gay sex for a prolonged period of time, or has numerous male sexual partners is at the very least bisexual.

Especially, if he does so when he has free access to women and the life of a loved one is not threatened.  This is just my opinion and not the opinion of other contributors on Black Gay Men’s Blog. 

I have never claimed to be politically correct 100% of the time. Quite frankly, I prefer being thought-provoking and getting us to have some sort of dialog, than being politically-correct.

I think some gay men are too quick to want to label anyone who has had homosexual sex as gay or no longer straight. Sexuality is simply not that black and white – not all sexual encounters define one’s sexuality.

The label “gay” is a western concept and there are societies, in which that label doesn’t exist and others where the gender of one’s sexual partners is not as big a deal as it might be here in the USA. 

In those societies, “gay” is not a political statement  and Black Gay Men’s Blog does have readers from all corners of the globe, so I try to look at things more broadly.

We don’t have to agree, but we can respect and maybe learn from one another.


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Ins and Outs of Gay News Sites

via HuffPost Gay Voices, by David Badash

As gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Americans -- and their news -- become mainstream, will the gay news sites that have long supported the LGBT community be able to survive?

I spoke with nine different well-known LGBT publishers, writers, and industry insiders about the current state of gay media -- and if it has a future.

Towleroad partner and creator of Out magazine, Michael Goff, Pam's House Blend's Pam Spaulding, John Aravosis of AMERICAblog, the Vice President of the Human Rights Campaign, and many others share their unique perspective.

Is there a future for the gay news and politics sites and blogs that focus on and advocate for the LGBT community, or will we continue to see them consolidate -- or just disappear?

Why are so many gay news sites finding it so challenging to stay afloat? Are advertisers leery of being associated with distinctly gay sites? Is this niche just too "niche?"

"Whether corporate-run or a one person shop, the outlook for gay news blogs is that most of them are not turning a satisfying profit," writes Nikki Usher, at Harvard's own niche journalism site, Neiman Journalism Lab, in a recent article, "How niche is too niche? The case of gay news blogs."

Publishers of gay news sites talk about the issues Usher's piece raises: inconsistent advertising and few advertising network options, and lack of support from LGBT organizations.

While visits at many LGBT sites are growing, most journalists and bloggers work very hard to attract and keep each and every reader.


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Officer X No More

via Battleland, by Karl Johnson

What a fascinating time to be a gay man in the U.S. military. This time last year, I was sure the “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” (DADT) policy was here to stay for the next 2 to 3 years.

These initial words from my first post on Battleland are as true today as they were when I first Photoshopped a hastily-taken picture from my iPad, and created an iconic silhouette.

As of today, Officer X is no more. With a Velcro riiiip I can now remove that name tape from the chest of my proverbial blogger flight suit and replace it with one that says “Karl Johnson”.

A 25 year old -- who flies U.S. Air Force C-17 cargo jets and has a degree in mechanical engineering from Syracuse University -- may seem like an unlikely candidate to blog for TIME, or wear the hat of an activist.

At first the idea of writing for Battleland was nothing short of intimidating, but the decision of whether or not to accept was easy: the opportunity to give a voice to those of us who have been voiceless for years, as a matter of federal law, was too good to pass up.

Being the mind behind the OX silhouette has been an eye-opening experience. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading every comment, every email, every tweet, and trying my best to keep up with the responses. My only regret in this whole process is that I didn't start sooner.

At the moment this blog goes live I will be walking out my front door to start my first day at the squadron out of the closet. Around that same time the article I wrote in this week's print edition of TIME magazine will hit the stands.

I don't know how long it will take for this tale to get back to me, or how I will react when finally confronted. That uncertainty doesn't scare me any more.

 It's time to man up and do as I had promised myself in May when I started blogging: lead from the front. Yup, it's still a fascinating time to be a gay man in the U.S. military.

Awesome Blog of the Day: Dancing Alone to Pony

We've all been there, we've all done it - we just didn't have the audacity to film and post it on the internet. Dancing Alone to Pony captures those who did - have a look!

Get Your History On with Bangable Dudes in History

A blog after LifeLube's own heart, Bangable Dudes in History gives readers a glimpse of hotness from the past, complete with pie charts!

Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

Great new website to check out because it's true - lots of lesbians do look like Justin Bieber. Evidence is below.


See more ringers at Lesbians who Look Like Justin Bieber.

Mark S. King Unleashes MyFabulousDisease.com

A year ago I didn't know what a blog was.
Now I am one.

Who knew?

The same amusingly whacked world view that Mark S. King has brought to his popular video series on TheBody.com has now been unleashed on his own live blog. www.MyFabulousDisease.com covers his life as an HIV-positive gay man, including his recovery from meth addiction and struggle to find the ultimate drag number

"If you believe, as I do, that laughter builds t-cells, please come check me out. Since I'm monogamous these days, I figure I can at least get my lover jealous with all the fan mail," he says.

Mark has been an outspoken advocate for those living with HIV since testing positive in 1985. He recounts those early years in Los Angeles in his achingly funny, poignant memoir "A Place Like This," which covers everything from Hollywood acting to owning a phone sex company and winning a car on The Price is Right.

LifeLube Blog Survey - How are we doing?

Short and sweet.

LifeLube Blog Survey - How are we doing?

Short and sweet.

LifeLube Blog Survey - How are we doing?

Short and sweet.

LifeLube Blog Survey - How are we doing?

Short and sweet.

Gay Men's Health Summit Featured on Ning

Ning.com, the network site for community advocates, wrote a nice piece highlighting the Gay Men's Health Summit Ning site - a place where gay men's health advocates log on to brainstorm and share ideas on how best to confront the many health concerns of gay men.

Blogger Laura Oppenheimer writes, "The focus of the network is engaging and empowering gay men to make both good decisions in their own lives, and to promote healthy living for others, as well. Network members have a group to create a strategy for advancing a pro gay-men's health storyline in the media. In the forum, they’re discussing ways to reduce risky health situations and debating different organizations’ approaches to dealing with HIV."

The stated mission of the Summit is, "Building a multi-issue, multicultural, gay men's health movement." Any and all are welcome to join!