[Peter Pointers is here 4 YOU, as a service to LifeLube readers - whatever question you may have regarding sexual healthy, physical health, mental/emotional and spiritual health - ask him. He will find the answers you are looking 4. Below is a recent Q&A you may be interested to read.]
Question: I am having serious issues achieving orgasm during intercourse. Its never happened and I've been sexually active for 2 years. I can achieve orgasm through masturbation by myself, but during intercourse, whether bottoming or topping, I just can't do it. Do you have any advice as to how to "resensetize" my penis?
Answer: Thank you so much for your question. It sounds like this is a bit of a frustrating situation for you!
To help you out, I talked with Dr. Braden Berkey, Psy.D., the Director of the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Institute at the Center on Halsted and a private practice psychologist. He went about this issue very methodically – as if he’s come across it before (read: he has, you are not alone). This is more common than you may imagine.
The problem isn't in your penis; it is in your head. You are most likely thinking way too much during sex. Guys often experience this during their first sexual encounters or following a particularly devastating criticism of their performance. But, sometimes we just get into a state of mind that we can’t seem to shake every time we try having sex.
The trick is to take the focus off the destination and enjoy the journey. You can do that a number of ways… but it all comes down to letting your mind go. Start with massages, staying focused on the sensations you are experiencing - accepting them as they come without evaluating them. As you move into foreplay and sex, watch for any critical or distracting thoughts seeping in. It will take time to re-train your brain to turn off, so be patient.
It is also possible that there are deeper issues attached to ejaculating. If this is the case, it may take more work. Exploring this with a well trained and understanding therapist may be worth the time. Let me know if you need help finding a medical provider or therapist that is qualified to help you out!
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