"Do less talking and do more listening."
Stephen Adelson Helps Us
Click4Dicks Down the Sexy Superhighway
Boys and their WWW
A LifeLube exclusive
Wait...Who is Stephan Adelson? 
He's the previous General Manger of Manhunt.net, is the current Executive Director of the nonprofit Internet Intervention Incorporated and the President of Adelson Consulting Services Incorporated. Stephan worked to help develop the National Guidelines for Internet Interventions, has recently been working with the New York State Department of Health to develop state wide Internet Guidelines, Protocols, and Training Materials and is currently co-chair of the Internet Interventions Advisory Group (a subcommittee of the Syphilis Advisory Group under the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene). The increase in the potential number of partners and the potential for misinformation are true concerns but the sharing of personal information through a profile, information that may not have otherwise been disclosed, can be a form of prevention.
So...are websites such as Adam4Adam and Manhunt responsible for the rise in STD and HIV among gay men?
I am of the opinion that there is no single factor, such as hooking up online, that is responsible for the increase in STDs and HIV transmission among gay men. Although increases in HIV/STD transmission share several contributing factors each has its one unique areas of responsibility. To answer the question regarding the role of hook-up sites and STD/HIV infection rates one must ask; what it is that these sites do? The one thing that all types of online social networks do best is increase communication, changing the way our society at large communicates and the range of this communication. This is a change similar to the changes brought about in society with the invention of the telephone. In its most simplistic form I see the internet as the combination of the typewriter, the television, and the telephone. The increase in communication brought about by the internet works both as a prevention tool and as transmission tool.
When in history have gay men been able to know so much about a potential partner in such as short amount of time? Simply by browsing a profile you can find out a great deal about a person; their HIV status, their preferences in life, their sexual preferences and desires, their physical attributes, etc… This information can be used as a very effective prevention tool by astute website users and I believe most website users are more comfortable posting their personal information on a profile than they are having a face to face discussion, thus increasing what a browser knows about a person before contact is made. But there are some downfalls to self generated personal information. Seeing something in print may lend the posting some under-served creditability.
When I added the field ‘HIV status’ and ‘No PNP’ to profiles on Manhunt my desire was to start conversations about HIV and drugs within the community, those conversations were broached and now they are somewhat normalized within the community, which I consider a great success, but when a user chooses to display their HIV status or make comments such as ‘D&D free’ my concern is that other users seeing their comments may interperate them as statements of fact and seeing them in print gives them undue legitimacy. When a user sees information posted in a profile my concern is that this ‘statement’ may be taken as an ultimate truth and the individual reading the posting may make choices regarding their sexual practices based solely on what they has been presented thus avoiding the critical face to face risk negotiation conversation with a potential partner.
The increase in the potential number of partners and the potential for misinformation are true concerns but the sharing of personal information through a profile, information that may not have otherwise been disclosed, can be a form of prevention.
Ultimately the blame for the increase in the number of STD/HIV cases is the responsibility of individuals and the choices they have made. The true questions are; Why do we as gay men make the sexual choices we make? and Can the internet be used as an effective behavioral intervention tool to help gay men make better informed choices and become expert risk negotiators with potential partners?
Why does there seem to be so much finger pointing at the internet?
I think there are many reasons hook-up sites have become major targets for finger pointing, here are a few examples:
· For the first time in history the private sexual practices of gay men are on public display and some (even within our community) are surprised by what they see.
· Much of the historical work (especially regarding STDs) has focused around disease “control” through legal and medical interventions. Websites and the Internet cannot be controlled thus creating frustration for those that cannot learn to let go of their need (and antiquated training) to control.
· Public Health has made great strides forward in many areas but has failed to effectively influence the behavior of gay men regarding their sexual health as shown in the increases of STD and HIV rates. The internet is the new easy target for blame. This is an example of why it is so very critical that public health be early adapters of new technologies and find ways to use these technologies for prevention and interventions early in their evolution. Right now there is a scramble to ‘catch up’ with the internet. We are so far behind on the internet (and in engaging gay men in meaningful ways) that we have not even implemented effective ways to communicate with website owners.
How we refer to each other, how we embrace our own individual sexuality, and how we display our sexual pride is the place to begin the positive focus.
Why is there generally so much negativity when we talk about gay men’s sex lives?
(smile) The topic of sex in general is met with a negative responses in most societies. The topic of gay sex is challenging even within our own community.
Sex is a loaded topic that often has little to do with the sexual act itself. I believe that we as gay men are generally freer of many of the restraints that our heterosexual brothers must contended with. My observation is that traditionally, men tend to say ‘no’ to sex less often than women thus providing for the opportunity of more sexual encounters between men (please do not confuse those that choose to have more sexual activity with all gay men). More sexual activity lends itself to more experience, more experience allows for more experimentation (RE: the theory of diminishing returns), more experimentation leads to broader sexual fetishes and freedoms (finding new things through experimentation), sexual freedoms that some in society are threatened by or fearful of, thus generating a variety of negative reactions coming for a broad spectrum of perspectives and personal issues. We as gay men are already generally viewed as ‘different’ sexually, add to that some freedoms and our often public expressions of these sexual freedoms (often misrepresented) and you have the potential for some very passionate discussions.
But what does it mean when we talk about gay men’s sex lives? We hear comments like “serial anonymous threesomes” and “ready to have sex at a moment's notice” but what about most of us as gay men? What does the average sex life of a gay men look like? My observation is that the sex life of gay men generally reflects the sex life of mainstream society. There are sexual extremes everywhere but it is simply easier to point at the extremes within gay sex, (usually done to discredit and marginalize us to further some hidden agenda - often by gay men against gay men) because we are already oppressed and somewhat ostracized from main stream society. Taking power from those that have little power to begin with is fairly easy.
To create change I believe that we must begin to change our own conversations around sex (physician heal thyself) before we can expect the public conversation regarding gay sex to change. How we refer to each other, how we embrace our own individual sexuality, and how we display our sexual pride is the place to begin the positive focus.
Putting on my businessman’s perspective and dropping the moral piece of this discussion, I do not understand why a website would not want to take the concept of shared responsibility.
What are the roles and responsibilities of hook up sites in relation to gay men’s health, STD and HIV prevention?
I think a better question is “Do hook-up sites have responsibilities in relation to gay men’s sexual health?”.
In an ideal world, YES, hook-up sites ‘should’ take on some shared responsibility for the sexual health of their members. I did what I did at Manhunt because it was the right thing to do as a 
gay man, a gay business, and as a human being. Putting on my businessman’s perspective and dropping the moral piece of this discussion, I do not understand why a website would not want to take the concept of shared responsibility. Who wants to remember a website as the place where “I met that guy that gave me Syphilis or HIV?" What type of experience has been provided by the website to that member? Healthy (not exclusively HIV negative) members provide a better experience for other members making the site a better healthier place for everyone. Providing space for health professionals to do their jobs makes good business sense, and it is the ‘right’ thing to do.
Is it their responsibility? Does it matter what any of us think, really? Even if the consensus is that it is the responsibility of online venue owners to look after the sexual health of their members , who would enforce this stance?
Thinking through the path of shared responsibility… as things are now websites must voluntarily accept their portion of this responsibility. But what if a website is not willing to take on the concept of shared responsibility? There are no existing legal tools to force websites into accepting shared responsibility. The issue involves topics like freedom of speech and is much broader than simply being about gay sex and hook-up sites. The questions involves all forms of adult oriented social networking sites, regardless of their sexual orientation and includes our first amendment rights.
The ultimate question is; where is the path to success in regards to internet interventions that are dependent on online venues as their vehicle? (for example: online venues might include sites like MySpace for young women with Chlamydia, or Facebook for young men and Gonorrhea) I remain convinced that long term success with internet interventions can only be found in creating positive relationships with the online venues that are willing to be partners in health and in having those charged with looking after the sexual health of gay men become effective marketers to those websites that are currently unwilling get involved.
Force and assigning responsibility are currently fruitless arguments and nothing more than the expounding of opinions when it comes to the current state of legal affairs in regards to the internet. What we need is conversations that are productive and can result in action items rather than drama, grandstanding, and dead ends.
Honesty online goes beyond having an up-to-date picture in your profile or advertising your penis size in ‘real’ inches. Honesty is about being willing to divulge your HIV status if you know it or being willing to state that you do not know your status.
What are the roles and responsibilities of gay men who use hook up sites in relation to their own physical and sexual health?
No one but ourselves are ultimately responsible for the choices we make and their consequences - especially in regards to our physical and sexual health.
Everyone that hooks-up online should use rational judgment when going to a partners home or inviting strangers into your own home. I suggest that everyone that hooks online read the safety tips located on most websites. These provide some good basics guidelines when meeting strangers online.
I consider honesty to be the most basic and the most important personal responsibilities that we have to each other. For many gay men the conversation regarding safer sex does not always include condoms making accurate personal information critical when talking to a potential partner about sexual acts.
Honesty online goes beyond having an up-to-date picture in your profile or advertising your penis size in ‘real’ inches. Honesty is about being willing to divulge your HIV status if you know it or being willing to state that you do not know your status. Honesty is also about being honest with your level of sexual health education and sexual experience. Honestly is also about being honest with yourself and being strong enough to create boundaries (physical and emotional) and respect yourself enough to stick to them.
We can best take on the responsibility of caring for ourselves and potential partners by being aware of the symptoms and signs of STDs, knowing your HIV status and your partner’s status, getting testing for STDs on a regular basis (every 6 months), and have well informed honest discussions with potential partners about HIV and STDs and our emotional/physical limitations.
The potential for the use of the Internet as a prevention and intervention tool is limited only by our imaginations.
How can we look at the internet through an asset lens as opposed to a deficit lens?
The potential for the use of the Internet as a prevention and intervention tool is limited only by our imaginations.
Inventive programs such and disease interventions such as Internet-based partner services are just a few examples of the many current programs and efforts.
In the Internet we have a tool that enables us to speak to millions of individuals in a very short period of time and reach them in their homes, workplaces, schools ,etc. (aka: where they are).
Social networking sites are being used for health communication (here) and by sexual health professionals to be better at their work (here.) Text messaging has become an area that is being explored by many and I expect will become even more valuable as another tool in the tool box of sexual health.
The costs of web development, hosting, and design are continually coming down and open source software is still changing the environment of web development. Access to the internet is widespread and both users and developers have a greater variety of options.
Drop the drama and the demands in promotions. Slogans that tell us what we must do or make threats of death and destruction go unheeded by most gay men.
What are some new ways in which we can engage gay men online with sexual health info?
A few options come to mind;
· Have new conversations that have other possible endings other than ‘use a condom’ and become better risk reduction educators.
· Work with online adult venues of all types and learn from their marketing experiences with their users.
· Drop the drama and the demands in promotions. Slogans that tell us what we must do or make threats of death and destruction go unheeded by most gay men.
· Get real, meaning; create discussion by using real stories from real people.
· Drop the absolutes, the black and white imagery of statements like ‘safe only’ simply do not translate as genuine in our grey world.
· Acknowledge what ‘is so’ in our community and deal with the realities rather than continually try to change them or remake them in an image we feel is ‘right’ or ‘better’. Rather than fight against online sex venues work with them. There is a great opportunity in these venues to help create a tighter/healthier gay community. Fighting sex positive venues will not only get us locked out but will further impede education and interventions by continuing to damage the image of sexual health professionals in the viewpoint of gay men. When a sex positive venue is closed or regulated to the point where it is rendered useless, what happens to its members? Are there any behavioral changes when a venue is closed? Is anyone educated by an action or by efforts in this direction? NO - members simply find another place to go, usually one that will be even harder to find and deal with. The users of the closed venue are further shamed by being told they are ‘wrong’ and not wanted in society, and we as health care professionals are again left out of their conversations and have further damaged our relationship with gay men..
· Do less talking and do more listening. Get to know what sexual trends gay men are starting and following. Watch what people are doing in the videos that they post on websites such as Xtube.com and Pornotube.com, and observe the pages created within sexual networks for young gay men like Justguys.net and DList.com . Knowing what trends are current allows health care professionals to provide information that is relevant and appropriate to the audience.
Join LifeLube and Project CRYSP for our next forum on gay men's health featuring Stephan in the flesh - June 12, at the Center on Halsted in Chicago.
Guess what the topic will be?
