May 15 - Workshop on Intimate Partner Violence - Chicago

A Workshop about Partner Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships

The Violence Recovery Project of Howard Brown Health Center will host a 4-hour workshop for survivors of intimate partner violence and unfair relationships interested in learning more about partner abuse in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer relationships.

Howard Brown Health Center
Saturday, May 15
4025 N. Sheridan Rd.
Chicago
10am -2pm

This is a free event and is open to all ages.
Lunch will be provided.
Registration is required in advance and will not be available at the door.
To register, or for further information, please call (773) 388-8882.

Feel the Love... Sister Glo channels Isabella Gardner

If there is a theme with which I am particularly concerned, it is the contemporary failure of love. I don’t mean romantic love or sexual passion, but the love which is the specific and particular recognition of one human being by another – the response by eye and voice and touch of two solitudes. The democracy of universal vulnerability.

~Isabella Gardner

Sister Glo shares her glittery gems of love with LifeLube each Friday.

Friday is for Faeries

celebrating all that is faerie, every friday

The skinny on long-term non-monogamous male couples

via San Francisco Bay Times, by Tom Moon

Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen have been together for over 34 years. They told me that they still have great sex, contradicting the common belief that sexual interest inevitably wanes in a long-term relationship. How do they do it? “One reason,” Lanz said, “is that we’ve been in an open relationship from the very beginning. If we hadn’t been open, we wouldn’t have been able to grow individually or as a couple.” But, they write, this was a journey they took “without a roadmap…Information about how couples navigate this terrain is surprisingly lacking. We were curious about the experience of others and assumed many long-term couples might offer valuable perspectives and hard-earned lessons.” So, a few years back, they decided to use their combined training and experience in research and psychology to do an independent, in-depth study of other long-term open gay male relationships.

They hoped to provide the community with an accurate picture of what non-monogamy actually looks like in the lives of gay men. Their study has now been completed. It’s an intimate look into the lives of 86 couples who have each been together for a minimum of 8 years, and it can be accessed at www.thecouplesstudy.com.

This study is a fascinating read because the authors largely avoid speculation and let the participants speak for themselves. One finding that fascinated me was the many varieties of “openness” that the couples practiced. Some only played together, some only separately, and some did both. Some only allowed anonymous outside encounters, while others allowed “friends with benefits” and still others built polyamorous families with multiple partners. Some (about ten percent) had no rules at all governing outside sex, while at the other end of the spectrum others created detailed ground rules and contracts. Every imaginable kind of “openness” seemed to work for someone.

Read the rest.

Join LifeLube for the "Love in the Age Grindr" forum on May 19 that explores some of these issues.

Beforeplay - get ready to mix pleasures

source

HOT: U.S. Air Force Academy Cadets ROCK Tik Tok

Thanks to Towleroad for putting this on our radar.

How is Jimmy Simpson healthy?

What sup World? 

I keep myself healthy by exercising, taking my meds on time, and maintaining a good  relationship with GOD. I also volunteer as my way of giving back to the gay community as well as staying in the fight to cure AIDS.

Taking nice walks around the community and maintaining a great relationship with my partner of 24 years are also things that keep me healthy and make me happy. By doing all this as much as I can, I continue to stay healthy!

-- Jimmy Simpson
Chicago

How are you healthy?
Join in the conversation.
Tell us HERE. Send a pic to the same place.
And we'll blog it, right here.
Read past posts.
Learn more about the campaign.

Who's That Queer [Jón 'Jónsi' Þór Birgisson]

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

Jón 'Jónsi' Þór Birgisson plays guitar and sings lead vocals for the Icelandic band Sigur Rós.


Sigur Rós are an Icelandic post-rock band with melodic, classical, experimental, and minimalist elements. The band is known for its ethereal sound and lead singer Jónsi’s falsetto voice. Obscure and highly artistic, the band have nonetheless developed a huge international following without either compromising their integrity or achieving mainstream commercial success. They could best be described as the Icelandic Radiohead.

Brigisson's trademark is playing an electric guitar with a cello bow and using distortion and reverberation to get an ethereal and ambient sound. His vocal style includes the frequent use of falsetto.

Read the rest at Gay for Today.

The best Rx ever - More Sex, Dancing For Better Health, via Brazil

Brazil's health minister has a remedy for the nation's high-blood- pressure problem: More sex.

Minister Jose Temporao says adults should be exercising more to help keep their blood pressure down – and he says a good cardiovascular workout includes sex, "always with protection, obviously."

Temporao also recommends dancing, a healthy diet and regular blood-pressure checks.

The minister made the comments Monday while launching a national campaign against high blood pressure in the Brazilian capital of Brasilia.

The Health Ministry says that 21.5 percent of Brazilians had high blood pressure in 2006. That jumped to 24.4 percent in 2009.

Woof Wednesday - special edition featuring bisexual wrestler Orlando Jones

Okay?

How is Maurice Coston-Jackson healthy?

After having a session of writing and singing, 

I find myself more at peace than I did before.

Being healthy has always been an important aspect of my life. It’s very important to be healthy physically and mentally.

Dancing is one of the many ways I stay healthy. It’s a great cardio workout. It’s challenging and fun all at the same time.

Singing and writing are two great ways I keep myself healthy mentally. It allows me to vent any feelings I have bottled up inside. It is also a great form of expression. I will usually sing in front of who ever will listen. After having a session of writing and singing, I find myself more at peace than I did before.

Those are just a few ways I keep healthy.

-- Maurice Coston-Jackson
Chicago

How are you healthy?
Join in the conversation.
Tell us HERE. Send a pic to the same place.
And we'll blog it, right here.
Read past posts.
Learn more about the campaign.

Dating and Mating with Alan Irgang:Opening up a relationship the right way

Ask Alan about love, romance, and relationships (and anything) else here! *All private information is kept confidential


Dear Alan,

My partner and I are in our 30's, have been together for three years and are now considering opening up our relationship. We have a good sex life and love each other a lot, but both of us crave physical contact with other men. What advice do you have to help us do this in a way that sustains our long-term commitment to one another?

Jorge

Dear Jorge,

First, let me say that having discussions with your partner about an open relationship before either of you act upon your desires to be sexual with other men is the first step in creating a plan that will minimize problems down the road that could lead to the destruction of your relationship. Too many couples, straight and gay, find themselves in an open relationship before they have both considered all the implications and risks and before they have agreed to mutually acceptable terms of the arrangement. So I commend you both for exploring this together openly before moving ahead.

There are many different ways that couples create non-monogamous relationships. This can range from a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy to complete openness, with many variations in between. In my experience, couples that negotiate the terms of the arrangement openly and honestly before having sex with others outside of their primary relationship have the best success  in protecting their relationships while meeting their desires to have sexual contact with others.

The first consideration needs to be a rigorously honest self-reflection about whether or not each of you truly want to have an open relationship. Very often, one partner in the relationship agrees to an open arrangement out of fear of losing the other if he doesn't go along with it, which will likely lead to serious conflicts later on.

There are some very important relationship qualities that must exist for an open relationship to be fulfilling to both partners, and to avoid jeopardizing the viability of the primary relationship. These include honesty, trust, respect, and safety. If these qualities exist, the couple can then enter into a negotiation about what the mutually acceptable terms of the open arrangement are. Issues to consider are disclosure, acceptable sexual partners, sexual practices, safer sex, location of sexual encounters, boundaries around sexual and emotional relations with others, and whether or not both need to be present when engaging in sex with others. Most important to include in these negotiations is what the consequences will be if the agreed upon rules are broken.

I also encourage you to consider utilizing the support of a therapist to help facilitate the negotiations. It is important to choose a therapist that has a sex-positive attitude about non-monogamy but also a realistic understanding of the risks of an open relationship and the capacity to engage you both in open conversations about them.

Open relationships can be very gratifying to both partners when created in a way that preserves the dignity of each partner and allows each to express their own integrity. On the other hand, opening up a relationship that doesn't have a solid foundation can be the beginning of a painful ending to a partnership. I wish you both the best in working through this very delicate decision and negotiation process.








Alan Irgang, LCSW is a psychotherapist and “dating coach” in private practice in Chicago. He is also on the faculty of the Loyola University School of Social Work where he teaches graduate level courses in Human Sexuality. Alan has been in private practice since 1998 and has been facilitating groups for singles about dating and relationships for six years. Check out his website www.alanirgang.com for more information about his practice and his upcoming seminars for singles. Questions may be submitted to Alan at lifelube@gmail.com; all private information will be kept confidential.

* Join LifeLube in Chicago for "Love in the Age of Grindr" - a forum for gay and bi men to discuss all types of relationships plus being single in a wired, real-time age. May 19, at REHAB (front bar of Circuit). Learn more.

Gay Men's Health Summit - Deadline for Proposals May 1

CALL FOR PROPOSALS
NATIONAL GAY MEN’S HEALTH SUMMIT 2010

Creating a Brighter Future: The Next Decade of Gay Men’s Health
August 25-30, 2010
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEADLINE MAY 1, 2010 - THIS SATURDAY

You are invited to submit a proposal for presentation at the 2010 Gay Men’s Health Summit. The theme of this year’s summit is the next decade of gay men’s health in the broad context of wellness, with all its challenges and opportunities.

What are the Summits?

The National Gay Men’s Health Summits create space for gay, bi & trans men and allies to come together to explore and promote health. We are seeking greater understanding of what health means. The Summits create space to bring your whole self; your whole queer, sexy, radical, critical, fun-loving, healthy self.

What the Summits are and are Not

The Summits are not academic meetings. They are not professional development conferences. They are experiential and personal. Your name badge will have your name on it, that’s it.

The Workshops
The National Gay Men’s Health Summit is eager to turn your ideas into living breathing sessions. You will get 60 or 90 minutes, a room and some chairs (and a projector or flip chart – see below). After that, it’s up to you. We will ask you for five pieces of information regarding your session proposal – the title, the content, the format, who you are, and how Summit attendees can reach you.

Content

We encourage you to think broadly in terms of your proposal. Please let us know if there is something you would like to experience at the Summit that you are not able or ready to present.  We may try to recruit someone who can.

Format

Formats with a substantial, experiential component are highly encouraged – no talking heads with slides, no program evaluation or program description sessions. We encourage you to use one of the following formats, or to make up your own.

Think tank – put an idea on the table and let everyone wrestle with it. This often works well with “small group” breakout sessions.

Caucus – get a bunch of like-minded (and maybe some not so like minded) guys together to share experiences and build connections.

Fish Bowl – gather a few people who have thought deeply about an issue to share brief, prepared remarks, and riff off of one another, with some time for audience reflection.

Physical experience – Yoga, dance or some other kind of shared participatory physical experience that may or may not have any “talking” part to it.

Performance – A staged event. A short play, dance performance, visual display, or literary reading, with time for audience reflection.

Writing group – Share a piece of writing with other attendees for critique and discussion.

Educational – A presentation of research or information. The most popular workshops are those that promote interaction among attendees. You are encouraged to be creative in structuring your presentation if this format is selected.

Who you are

Tell the audience a bit about yourself to create desire for attendance at your session. Make it short. Five to ten words works best. We will cut you off after 40. We will remove any academic credentials or professional affiliations from your description. Make it personal and compelling: the goal is to attract people to your session.

Contact info

Include a method for attendees to reach you, preferably by e-mail and/or twitter, or if you prefer, a blog page, or social networking site, or even a telephone number or mailing address.

Submit here.

Monday Morning Perk-Up [ Yeah, I'm Gay]

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

How is Angel Abcede healthy?

The biggest mistake I could choose is to mentally rake myself over the coals every time I take a misstep.

Staying healthy for me is definitely a battle between my virtues and vices. Among my virtues is a lifelong interest in dance (I toured internationally with the Chicago-based Joel Hall Dancers for 18 years), which makes exercising for me a joy; a tendency to not overeat when I get busy; and a longtime partner who I know will support me in all my adventures.

My vices are that I love to party, love to drink, love to indulge.

That said, my story is one of extremes. When I’m focused in training, performance or executing a project, I’m very productive. I’m often at my peak health-wise in that I tend to eat smaller portions and foods that are better for me. When between projects, I do tend to party more and indulge.

As I mention my relationship, I have to note a milestone. My partner Bob and I are celebrating our 25th anniversary year. And as a tribute to the AIDS-awareness not-for-profit I started 18 years ago, we’re having a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and straight, all-inclusive Anniversary Ball as our 2010 fundraising event. We're inviting the GLBT community to celebrate relationships and recognize our ability to create legitimate families. It’ll be May 7 at 6:30 (premium package), Hotel Allegro, 171 W. Randolph in Chicago. Visit our blog for photos of attending couples, basic info and a PayPal option to purchase tickets.

My relationship, though an open one, affords me an emotional center and tempers the extremes that I gravitate to. Bob gives me confidence and a foundation for me to take professional and artistic risks. And he energizes my life with his own upbeat personality.

But of course, the concern of HIV infection with an open relationship is evident. We trust each other to reduce risk but know to that 100% is a lofty goal for any person. Here’s how I take on the challenge:

1. I keep a daily grid where I give myself 10 points for exercising in the morning, another 10 for taking a dance class and another 10 for practicing for my voice lessons (musical theater stuff). I discount 10 for every $10 I spend partying and deduct 50 points for every “mistake” (you fill in the blank). But I also give myself 50 points for every time I avoid a bad situation by taking a cab or a bus or for going home early. If you try it, after a few weeks, you see how much you spend on drinks and grief and how much you really do work at the positive stuff.

2. I forgive myself. The biggest mistake I could choose is to mentally rake myself over the coals every time I take a misstep. It’s paralyzing and counterproductive. Self-forgiveness is truly freeing, and lets me immediately refocus and get back on track.

Using these tools, I march forward. Over the past several months, I’ve reviewed my goals and find myself building yet another interesting chapter in my life. My dynamic personality is both joyous and dangerous. I know that. But taking active steps to encourage healthy behavior is my secret weapon, an available option I don’t take for granted. I hope no one thinks being healthy just happens. Like a long-term relationship, it takes work and an active, premeditated strategy.

-- Angel Abcede
Chicago

How are you healthy?
Join in the conversation.
Tell us HERE. Send a pic to the same place.
And we'll blog it, right here.
Read past posts.
Learn more about the campaign.

Veronica's charms lost on the new hunk in town - comic hilarity ensues

Archie Comics introduces first gay character - and is he ever dreamy!

Feel the Love... Sister Glo channels Author Unkown

You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.

~Author Unknown

Sister Glo shares her glittery gems of love with LifeLube each Friday.

Friday is for Faeries

every friday, on lifelube, your field guide to gay men's health