VIEWS Boystown Is Burning: Prejudice takes root in the community

via Windy City Times, Keith Ecker

Watch out Boystown! The Blacks are coming to get you! At least that's the message that some in the community seem to be broadcasting.

In response to violent criminal incidents in the gayborhood, Facebook users launched a page on June 28 called "Take Back Boystown." In one day, the group garnered more than 700 members. While some are thinking progressively by lobbying for increased citizen-led patrols and communication with police, others seem to be capitalizing on this issue to voice their racial prejudices.

For example, one fan of the page writes, "It's all of us innocent people that are being attacked by the blacks." Another echoes the words of many by placing blame on the Black GLBT youths that seek services at the Center on Halsted, posting that "We have a center full of 'kids' who don't live in the neighborhood just wandering around the streets because they lack the funds and/or age required to get into bars. So, what happens then? Well, I think we've all seen what happens..."

This ignorance reflects a growing schism that has taken root in Chicago's gay community. On one side are the mainstream gays. We are those who are portrayed in the mass and GLBT media and serve as the target audience for Lady Gaga and Glee. Politicians court us, and businesses cater to us.

On the other side are the disenfranchised gay Black youths. These young adults have no public platform. Many come from extraordinarily intolerant communities. Some are homeless. Few have much money to their names. For the mainstreams, it gets better. For the others, not so much.

Read more.

Dangerous Dialogue - Keith Ecker Reflects on "Risky Business"

LifeLube hosted a community forum last evening - at the Center on Halsted - to discuss bareback sex, bareback porn, and the reclaiming of pleasure. The Feast of Fun (Fausto Fernos and Marc Felion) moderated, and panelists Tony Valenzuela, Mufasa Ali, and Dr. Braden Berkey engaged the topic.

Audience member and writer Keith Ecker (pictured below right) was motivated - he tells LifeLube - to write the longest post of his blogging history. Here is an excerpt, with a link to the whole shebang.

Another point from the forum: Many people were upset that there was not talk of reclaiming pleasure, as the title of the forum suggests. These people didn’t come to hear about safer sex. They knew that message. After all, it’s been trumpeted for years. And I can’t blame them. This wasn’t a forum to discuss new approaches to HIV/STI awareness (though I really would love to have a roundtable about that cause I got some ideas brewing). This was a forum to discuss pleasure, and all we’ve been talking about is whether to condemn or condone barebacking. Sadly, despite audience members pleads to steer the conversation in their direction, little effort was made, as the hot-button topic of barebacking overshadowed the pleasure conversation. However, I have to commend one audience member. He stood up and discussed how we should shift the dialogue from safer sex/barebacking away from the ass altogether. Why not eroticize something less likely to spread disease, like the scent of a man or armpits or back hair?

And he’s right. All too often us gay men are so fixated on our assholes that it’s a surprise we can’t see our heads are firmly planted up them. If we continue to characterize the safer sex conversation solely about the butt and putting on a condom, then we are going to forever use the same old tired tactics we’ve been using for a couple decades, tactics that have proven ineffective. Let us move away from staring at our buttholes and let us talk about how sex can encompass more than just penetration. Having a man thrust in and out of you might feel just fine, and it’s kind of hot to emulate those movies we see flashing on our computers, in bars and on our video iPods that we secretly view on public transportation. But lets not have porn dictate our dicks. Let’s put the power in our own hands, so to speak, and let’s re-define gay male sexuality. I’m not saying let’s get rid of anal sex. I’m just saying we should expand our vocabularly, and we should celebrate this expansion. Otherwise we will forever be doomed to say the same sentence over and over and over (”Use a condom. Use a condom. Use a condom.”), and this message will surely fall on tired, deafened ears.

Read all of his post.

Read his piggyback, follow-up post.

Read his apology post.

The forum was podcasted and will be posted on the Feast of Fun site in the coming days. In the meantime, there were a number of folks Tweeting throughout the forum and you can read the very interesting thread - #FoFRisky - here.

[Dr. Braden Berkey, Marc Felion, Mufasa Ali, Fausto Fernos, and Tony Valenzuela]

How is Keith Ecker healthy?

I was such a little tubby kid, so tubby in fact that my sister would opine that my breasts were bigger than hers. Combine that with a somewhat conservative Texas upbringing, and you have a lifetime of psychological, sexual and physical counseling ahead of you. Suffice it to say, I have funded several college funds for therapists' children.

But no matter how many personal trainers or counselors you have (yes, even you Madonna), leading a healthy life starts from within.

No matter how much you think the answers to your problems lie in money or a beautiful house or a boyfriend or in the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels, you will always fall short of a solution. I should know. I haven't always been the healthiest person in the world. From eating Twinkies for breakfast in middle school to eating Twinkies for breakfast in college, it took me years to develop nutritious dietary habits. I have battled nicotine addiction for almost 10 years, finally quitting cold turkey two months ago, thanks to a renewed sense of purpose that only could spring from the depths of my own soul. I have wandered the bars late at night, confusing fleeting pleasure for happiness, only to realize the power and freedom that comes with being alone. And I have since discovered the fulfillment that comes with acknowledging your character flaws in order to incorporate another man's life into your own.

How did I do all this? How did I go from a sexually confused, depressed chunky kid to a fit, hitched and (for the most part) confident man?

I realized there are three things that lead to a healthy life. First, love yourself. To truly make significant changes in your life, you must take care of your mind, body and spirit, not out of obligation but out of adoration. Second, have compassion for others. The more negative you are outwardly, the more it reveals your inner negativity and the less love and compassion you will receive from others.

Finally, in the words of the famous mythologist Jospeh Campbell, "Follow your bliss." Listen to your mind and your body to guide you in life, and partake in those things that are harmonious to your spirit. If that means abandoning a secure 9-to-5 job to pursue a crazy dream like theater or comedy (raises hand), so be it. You only live once, so you may as well make the life you want to live.

-- Keith Ecker (check out his blog)
Chicago


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Keith Ecker on Safe Sex

Rule #1 - wear a helmet
Rule #2 - wrap it up
Rule #3 - no poo