He likes it r-w

By Sapphire

Kel and I dated for three months. We met on the subway where he ran after me to tell me how beautiful I was. He was impressive but I wasn’t prepared drama that tagged along.

Kel and I were not compatible. We fought all the time and were completely disrespectful to one another.  There were times when I couldn’t even look at him.  He would buy me something nice to make up for arguments or fights. He thought it would make me happier.-9 times out of ten..It did.

At the time, sex wasn’t a major need for me. I was trying to escape an oversexed lifestyle and having sex with Kel, wasn’t the best idea. There were days when I had sex with three people in a row! A little out of control I know! 

We were a serodiscordant couple (I am HIV positive and he was HIV negative) and my health was very important to me. I thought with Kel, I could turn a new leaf but that was not the case.

Kel LOVED sex. He bugged all the time about sex and the sex he was into was not healthy. Bottom line, Kel was the “raw-topping” type of guy. He never refused to use condoms but there were times when the condom would come off

 It was a pleasure rush but sometimes a headache. It really messed with my head. Why would a HIV negative man want to risk his life contracting HIV from someone he barely knows? It didn’t add up to me. We had discussions about it that went nowhere. He would say “Don’t stress about it” and it really confused me. There were moments when I felt he was lying about his status. Does he know how HIV is affecting gay men today? Was he trying to get infected? Is he ready to live with the virus?

After much reflection, I broke up with him. I couldn’t keep putting his life or mine in danger. I followed up with my doctor about my behavior and got myself checked out. Everything was fine and I felt like I dodged a bullet. I am glad that we communicated about each other’s HIV status but upset we didn’t make healthy choices around that. Understanding that condom negotiation is not easy, I had to develop better about my communication skill for the next guy. Trust me- it’s better now.