I’m 58 and have never had a lover, though I’ve always dreamed of having one. Surely I must be doing something wrong? But I feel I’ve waited too long, and that today’s gay culture won’t now be interested in an old guy. It seems that “attractive” and “successful” are the only attributes anyone cares about.
Am I unique in this search? I live alone, have no relatives and few friends-most of them straight and most of them only at work.
- Singled-In in Spartanburg
Dear Singled-In,
I want to help you become singled OUT! So many gay men tell me they want a relationship, but what they really want is a meaningful overnight relationship! They don’t consciously realize it, but their behavior says so, loud and clear. From childhood on up. Western culture is brainwashed to believe that we cannot be happy unless we can maintain a committed relationship. Well, that’s not so! Yes, it’s nice to have a partner, someone you can go through life with-if that is what you want. But it’s not for everyone. So really the first question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I really want a partner?” Really?
I treat my friends as lovers. I did, however, just fall madly in love with a Bel Ami dvd...
ReplyDeleteCheck out the excellent "Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect" by Brad Gooch
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your anxieties, I have them myself from time to time. I would say never give up hope, and maximize your existing relationships/friendships. Life is too short to let sadness over something we don't have to keep us from living happy fulfilled lives.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, I've heard many men say (dramatic flourish of the hand swept to the forehead): I'll never find a boyfriend, I'm too old. It's simply not true. People find love at all ages. It does require knowing what you want, and knowing yourself and having the tools to make a relationship work. And it sounds like you'll need to take practical steps to "get yourself out there". Finally, my first live-in boyfriend, I stuck with because "I'd long dreamed of having a long-term relationship". It didn't work out because I was more interested in being in the relationship than with him, and it was disappointing for both of us when we figured that out. So Mr. Kort is right in his advice: is what you want a reality or a fantasy?
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