Five Clues They Might Be Cheating

by John D. Moore, LCPC, CADC

From time to time, its only natural to wonder if the person you are romantically involved with is having sex with someone else. The problem becomes compounded when you have dated someone in the past that has violated your trust. Indeed, “cheating” is perhaps one of the most devastating emotional traumas a person can endure.

So how do you know if your suspicions are true? The answer to this question is somewhat complex. What follows are five cues to possible infidelity. These are not intended to act as a complete list and the totality of your partner's behavior should be taken into consideration when examining these cues.


1. You indirectly find out from your partner that he or she is having sex with someone else. This can include:

* Smelling “sex” on a partner.
* Your partner suddenly asks to have sex with other people.
* Your partner suddenly does not want to have sex anymore
* Your partner calls you by the name of another person during an act of sex (not a former boyfriend or girlfriend.

2. Revelations of sexual infidelity.

* You witness or are directly told of your partner having sex with another.
* Your partner confesses to having an affair.
* Someone admits to you they have been having sex with your partner.
* Exaggerated displays of affection.
* Your partner suddenly starts to profess his or her “love” more than they used to.
* Your partner suddenly starts acting overly affectionate.
* Your partner starts talking about sex more often.

3. Exaggerated displays of affection.

* Your partner suddenly starts to profess his or her “love” more than they used to.
* Your partner suddenly starts acting overly affectionate.
* Your partner starts talking about sex more often.

4. Sexual disinterest or boredom.

* Your partner starts to act like he or she is “going through the motions” when having sex.
* Your partner suddenly seems less sexually aroused.
* Your partner begins to have shorter sex sessions, replacing what was once a long, passionate experience.

5. Emotional disengagement

* Your partner doesn't respond when you say, “I love you”.
* Your partner suddenly starts acting rude towards you and distancing himself or herself from your daily life.
* Your partner starts looking for reasons to start an argument with you and then says, “We just don't get along – we should think about this relationship”.
* Your partner changes the subject when a certain person's name comes up and acts anxious.
* Your partner refuses to make eye contact with you, where once this was not an issue.

To be sure, nobody wants to be emotionally violated. This is because feelings and emotions are fragile things and it hurts when the person we love causes pain. If you suspect that your partner is cheating, then it might be time to confront him or her and ask for answers. Before doing so, be sure to have a sound basis for making accusations – a charge of infidelity is extremely serious. That said, sometimes that little voice deep inside is right.

John's bio

John D. Moore is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and a board certified alcohol and drug counselor. A professor of health sciences at American Public University, he instructs a variety of courses, including one on relationships and love. He is author of the successful book, Confusing Love with Obsession [Hazelden - check out the Good Luvn section on LifeLube.org] and is a frequent guest and contributer to a variety of nationally syndicated magazines, including Cosmopolitan and American Health and Fitness. Apart from teaching and writing, Moore is a psychotherapist in private practice on Chicago's north side. You can read more articles on his web site at: www.johndmoore.net