Friday, December 2, 2011

"He Won't Wear a Condom"

via Advocate, by Steven Petrow

Question: Every so often I meet a guy who tells me he just won’t use a condom because (take your pick): (1) He can’t stay hard; (2) He’s too big; (3) He’s allergic to latex; (4) He’s HIV-negative; or 5) It’s a mood killer. How do you suggest I handle these situations — especially when I’m really turned on?

Answer:  Let me start today by noting that it’s World AIDS Day, which is observed December 1 each year and — as the official site in the U.K. proclaims — “is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV, show their support for people living with HIV and to commemorate people who have died.”

That being said, there’s no better way to observe this day than to pledge to protect yourself and your prospective partners from HIV.

And if there’s any tool we have to prevent the continued spread of the virus, it’s the much-maligned, low-tech (but lifesaving) condom. 

I know you’ve heard this before (I certainly hope that you have) but latex and plastic rubbers, when used properly (and yes, that’s key) with a water-based lubricant, provide a high degree of protection to each partner.

But sometimes information alone doesn’t do the trick. If only. Instead of going to the experts (as Mr. Manners often does) I decided to ask a friend of mine who recently became infected why his knowledge of safer sex didn’t safeguard him:

“You can be armed with all of the information in the world, but it's much harder to put it into practice when you combine casual sex, alcohol, and drugs — and put places like Fire Island into the mix,” he told me.

“My suspicion is that somewhere along the line I wasn't sober enough to do what I needed to do to protect myself, and there were enough of those nights that the statistical odds became stacked against me.”

So, how do I suggest you respond to these periodic ploys (and that’s what they are) to have unprotected sex?  It would be facile for me to suggest that you just say no.

Still, you can’t make sound judgments if you’re stoned, high, drunk, tweaked, or toasted — and there’s no question that drug and alcohol use are closely linked with new HIV infections.

Read the rest


  1. I wonder if we will ever make the connection to condoms and safe sex?

  2. The correct term is always... safer.

    There's never zero risk.


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