Friday, July 29, 2011

What Does Virginity Mean to Gay Men?

via The Good Men's Project, By Joseph Caputo

The definition of sex can be as messy as the act itself. Hard and dry, sex means coitus: 1 penis + 1 vagina = 1 ejaculation. The dictionary does not mention clitoral stimulation, pegging, scissoring or even dry humping. Sex is not sex unless it is between heterosexuals and there is a passage of genetic material.

Queer men have a lot of sex. If sex is about passing on genetic material then there are gay genes all over the place. These acts have helped redefine the concept of sex from a biological necessity to a sharing of intimacy.
If sex isn’t sex, then when does a gay guy lose his virginity? Can a person be gay if he’s never been with a guy or only slept with girls? What is second base for a gay man—a kiss on the cheek or a gangbang? The answers are surprisingly personal.

We asked men who have sex with men what virginity means to them. They shared stories about their first girlfriends, anonymous hookups, and waiting for that special guy.

Sure, everyone says you lose your virginity the first time you make whoopie. Wrong. Virginity is not a binary thing. To me, it’s about knowing what you want and what the hell you’re doing. There are lots of 15-year-olds out there dipping it in on prom night, but Lord knows they’ll be virgins for a while. I didn’t know shit from Shinola until my mid-20s. Like a great philosopher of our time said back in 1967, “Are you experienced?” If not, well, it’s like the old truckers say: “If you can’t find it, grind it.”
—Maxwell, musician

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