Thursday, May 14, 2009

The "Work-In" - Grieving and Healing

Tio Oscar taught me to be my true self not matter what. He didn’t change his ways for any one or anything. He was not afraid to tell you how it is; no sugar coating, or beating around the bush.

Ed Negron, a former drug user, turned gangbanger, turned drug dealer, turned own best customer, turned addict, turned recovering addict (still there), turned activist, turned business manager, turned student, turned Substance Abuse Counselor, turned better and happier person, turned someone who can love and be loved (Love you Patrick), turned blogger. Check out Ed's own blog here.

Featured Thursdays on LifeLube --- check out all of Ed's "Work-In's" here.

The post is dedicated to my Tio (uncle) Oscar.

By the time this blog is posted I will be attending my uncle’s funeral, Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 11:00am (EST). I have to admit it’s been an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Why does death bring out the worst in some people? Oh well, such is life.

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a job, even intense disappointment can cause grief. The grieving that follows a loss is real, and can be very painful, potentially overwhelming. By repressing or denying any emotion, we fall into poor habits that emotionally cripple us, and keep us from living life while coping with loss - but you don't have to fall into depression.

There are five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages of Grief

1.Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with our Higher Power, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Keep in mind that you may not go through all five stages in this order for every loss; you might even skip a couple. As long as we get to the fifth stage of acceptance we’ll be alright.

Here are some steps you can take that may make the grieving process easier to get through:

1.Learn to accept that your loss is real.

2.Make it OK to feel the pain.

3.Adjust to living without your loss.

4.Find a safe place in your heart for your loved one, and allow yourself to move on.

5.And finally, what do you do with the love that you feel?

Learn more about these steps here
Grieving and Healing: 5 Steps to Help You Through the Grieving Process - How to work through grieving and begin to enjoy life again
by Sharon O'Brien,

As a child I had only one male adult role model. Tio (uncle) Oscar was that man. He was more of a father figure than an uncle. I always looked forward to hearing Tio’s stories. I know his stories were war stories full of violence, rage, drugs, gangs, and death. What I heard were stories of courage, strength and loyalty. In my eyes, Tio was a warrior, magician, lover, and a king all in one. *The Warrior (the energy of self-disciplined, aggressive action), the Magician (the energy of initiation and transformation), the Lover (the energy that connects men to others and the world), the King (the energy of just and creative ordering), as well as the four immature patterns (Divine Child, Oedipal Child, Precocious Child, and Hero).

Aw, fuck that shit

In Loving Memory

Tio Oscar taught me to be my true self not matter what. He didn’t change his ways for any one or anything. He was not afraid to tell you how it is; no sugar coating, or beating around the bush. For me his number one saying was “Aw, fuck that shit”. If you told him he couldn’t do something he would say “Aw, fuck that shit” and prove you wrong. When people talked crap behind his back he would say “Aw, fuck that shit” and not pay any mind to it. When life gives you lemons just say “Aw, fuck that shit!”, and move on. Try saying it. It works for just about everything. For those of you who know me personally- now you know where got all these qualities from. They are a blessing and a curse at the same time, but I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Tio Oscar,

Thank you for all the blessings you have given me and will continue to give me. As you unite with our ancestors, whose shoulders you stood on throughout your life, know that now I stand on your shoulders, as now it is my turn to become the role model. My way my not be like your way, but I promise you it will be just as powerful. Again, thank you, and many blessings to you as you continue on to the next course of your journey. I love you Tio Oscar!

Your nephew,

*King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Robert Moore , Douglas Gillette (Author)

To read daily motivations visit my blog at or to receive daily motivations via email join our Google group Back To The Basics Please .

If you are not sure how to begin your work-in or need some guidance please feel free to post a comment or email me directly at, I will response as soon as I can.

(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)

“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." -- Shakti Gawain

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

select key words

2007 National HIV Prevention Conference 2009 National LGBTI Health Summit 2011 LGBTI Health Summit 2012 Gay Men's Health Summit 2012 International AIDS Conference abstinence only ACT Up activism advocacy Africa african-american aging issues AIDS AIDS Foundation of Chicago anal cancer anal carcinoma anal health anal sex andrew's anus athlete ball scene bareback porn barebacking bathhouses bears big bold and beautiful Bisexual Bisexual Health Summit bisexuality black gay men black msm blood ban blood donor body image bottom Brian Mustanski BUTT Center on Halsted Charles Stephens Chicago Chicago Black Gay Men's Caucus Chicago Task Force on LGBT Substance Use and Abuse Chris Bartlett chubby chaser circumcision civil rights civil union Coaching with Jake communication community organizing condoms Congress crystal meth dating dating and mating with alan irgang David Halperin David Munar depression disclosure discrimination domestic violence don't ask don't tell douche downlow Dr. James Holsinger Dr. Jesus Ramirez-Valles Dr. Rafael Diaz Dr. Ron Stall drag queen Ed Negron emotional health ENDA Eric Rofes exercise Feast of Fun Feel the love... female condom fitness Friday is for Faeries FTM gay culture gay identity gay latino gay male sex gay marriage gay men gay men of color gay men's health Gay Men's Health Summit 2010 gay pride gay rights gay rugby gay sex gay youth gender harm reduction hate crime HCV health care health care reform health insurance hepatitis C HIV HIV care HIV drugs HIV negative HIV positive HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV strategic plan HIV testing hiv vaccine HIV/AIDS homophobia homosexuality hottie hotties how are you healthy? Howard Brown Health Center HPV human rights humor hunk Illinois IML immigration International AIDS Conference international mr. leather internet intimacy IRMA Jim Pickett leather community leathersex Leon Liberman LGBT LGBT adoption LGBT culture LGBT health LGBT rights LGBT seniors LGBT youth LGBTI community LGBTI culture LGBTI health LGBTI rights LGBTI spirituality LGV LifeLube LifeLube forum LifeLube poll LifeLube subscription lifelube survey Lorenzo Herrera y Lozano love lube lubricant Lymphogranuloma Venereum masturbation mental health microbicides middle Monday Morning Perk-Up MRSA MSM music National AIDS Strategy National Gay Men's Health Summit negotiated safety nutrition One Fey's Tale oral sex Peter Pointers physical health Pistol Pete pleasure PnP podcast policy politics poppers porn post-exposure prophylaxis PrEP President Barack Obama Presidential Campaign prevention Project CRYSP prostate prostate cancer public health public sex venues queer identity racism Radical Faerie recovery rectal microbicides relationships religion research safe sex semen Senator Barack Obama sero-adaptation sero-sorting seroguessing sex sexual abuse sexual addiction sexual health sexual orientation Sister Glo Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence smoking social marketing spirituality STD stigma stonewall riots substance abuse treatment substance use suicide super-bug superinfection Susan Kingston Swiss declaration syphilis Ted Kerr Test Positive Aware Network testicle self-examination testicular cancer testing The "Work-In" The 2009 Gay Men's Health Agenda Tony Valenzuela top Trans and Intersex Association trans group blog Trans Gynecology Access Program transgender transgender day of remembrance transgendered transmen transphobia transsexual Trevor Hoppe universal health care unsafe sex vaccines video violence viral load Who's That Queer Woof Wednesday writers yoga You Tube youtube