Friday, April 10, 2009

Masturbation Matters (part 2)

[click here to read part 1]

by middle
[read his "one fey's tale" posts]

Solo masturbation circles (during which participants pleasure only themselves) bring new meaning to the term circle jerk. I’ve attended and hosted a few of them and experienced their potential to generate a very intense collective sexual intensity.

First, they’re safe in a way that’s extremely difficult for other group sex encounters to be. The risk of transmitting sexual infections is reduced to nil. An ideal environment is created for those who have anxieties about their bodies or sharing sexual energy.

Second, it’s a great way to focus intention for specific purposes (healing, magick, changing the world, whatever.) Whether you’re masturbating for inner or outer peace, for stability or change, for more love or less war, there’s a powerful energy that can be channeled.

Not least of all, for we pozzies, it is a great way to get off with others while avoiding the mental effort of thinking about statuses, disclosure, and the like.

How to host a solo masturbation circle

Here’s the kind of experience I’ve shared with my fey families. You may want to give it a try and create your own version (but dammit, if you’re rimming, sucking and fucking, you’re not having a jack-off party!)


Do you need mats or pillows to sit on? What kind of lube do you prefer? Choices are good. I recommend providing at least one each of the following: water-based (consider silicone free to acommodate those who prefer that,) plant-based (like coconut or olive oil,) and petroleum-based (environmental considerations not withstanding, some folks swear by baby oil and the aforementioned Albolene rocks!) You’ll probably want a roll of paper towels or a pile of clean wash cloths. Drinking water is a must. I also recommend a bowl of fruit (more about this later.)

Circle up

In addition to masturbating, most participants will want to share. You need enough space for everyone to sit in something approximating a circle - everyone should be able to see everyone else. Indoors or out, you want to ensure access and comfort. Excessive distractions of any kind are a no-no (in one very focused session I went as far as turning off the power in my condo). If your circle is happening in the context of a larger gathering, it should be easy for those inside and outside (non-participants) to recognize the space’s boundary.

Talk first…

Intentions are important for growth, healing, and magick. It’s good to start by going around the circle a time or two, using basic customs. In fey settings, this usually means passing a wand or other talisman (it needn’t be fancy – a nice stone or crystal will do.) The idea is for all to focus on the person holding the talisman; talking “across the circle” or addressing individuals is generally avoided. Folks can choose to “pass” but are encouraged to at least introduce themselves. Good questions to focus on are “Why am I here?” and “What do I expect to get out of this experience?”

The facilitators might want to explain how the ritual will proceed and reassure those in the circle that everyone is invited to participate in their own way with one caveat: it is not okay to “just watch.” At this time, you can address logistics such as establishing when the circle is closed to additional participants. Encourage folks who have not already done so to begin disrobing.

During this “warm-up” stage, it’s good to encourage folks to feel free to begin touching themselves sensually. Some may have joined seeking growth or adventure. Other individuals may share that they are bringing spiritual or personal issues to the circle for healing. These may relate to self-image, a recent loss, or miscellaneous sexual baggage. Our groups are ejaculation neutral. If you want, go for it. If not, that’s cool too.


At some point talk will naturally fade as folks begin to fondle and stroke themselves, each at their own pace. Energies will begin to move within and around the circle, the total being greater than the sum of its parts. You’re likely to find the experience heightened in a number of ways. These circles tend to create their own narrative; you’ll notice a natural beginning, middle, and end. Individuals will experience their self-pleasure with grimaces, laughter, tears, or quiet smiles. Some will come quietly . . . and others won’t!

Since everyone may not desire to or be able to reach a climax, knowing when to bring the masturbation phase of the circle to a close can be tricky. We ask our fellow masturbators to signify when they are finished by ritually choosing a piece of fruit and taking a bite. The group doesn’t move on until all have done so.

…talk again, then close.

It’s not uncommon for at least one participant to feel a need to leave early or bolt towards the wrap-up. That’s fine. Most of you, however, will want closure. Pass the talisman a couple more times. “What did you feel?” “Was it what you expected?” When the time is right, circle up, hold hands, and close with a meditation or group hug.

Without exception, I’ve left these circles each time feeling very moved and connected to others who shared the experience. Your desire to talk about it may extend beyond the session, or you may find yourself speechless. If you didn’t think so before, it’s pretty certain that you’ll leave the circle with a feeling that masturbation really can matter.


  1. it is an interesting article, not what i expected, very good info

  2. Hope to host such a gathering sometime this summer with faerie friends. Thanks for the reminder.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

select key words

2007 National HIV Prevention Conference 2009 National LGBTI Health Summit 2011 LGBTI Health Summit 2012 Gay Men's Health Summit 2012 International AIDS Conference abstinence only ACT Up activism advocacy Africa african-american aging issues AIDS AIDS Foundation of Chicago anal cancer anal carcinoma anal health anal sex andrew's anus athlete ball scene bareback porn barebacking bathhouses bears big bold and beautiful Bisexual Bisexual Health Summit bisexuality black gay men black msm blood ban blood donor body image bottom Brian Mustanski BUTT Center on Halsted Charles Stephens Chicago Chicago Black Gay Men's Caucus Chicago Task Force on LGBT Substance Use and Abuse Chris Bartlett chubby chaser circumcision civil rights civil union Coaching with Jake communication community organizing condoms Congress crystal meth dating dating and mating with alan irgang David Halperin David Munar depression disclosure discrimination domestic violence don't ask don't tell douche downlow Dr. James Holsinger Dr. Jesus Ramirez-Valles Dr. Rafael Diaz Dr. Ron Stall drag queen Ed Negron emotional health ENDA Eric Rofes exercise Feast of Fun Feel the love... female condom fitness Friday is for Faeries FTM gay culture gay identity gay latino gay male sex gay marriage gay men gay men of color gay men's health Gay Men's Health Summit 2010 gay pride gay rights gay rugby gay sex gay youth gender harm reduction hate crime HCV health care health care reform health insurance hepatitis C HIV HIV care HIV drugs HIV negative HIV positive HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV strategic plan HIV testing hiv vaccine HIV/AIDS homophobia homosexuality hottie hotties how are you healthy? Howard Brown Health Center HPV human rights humor hunk Illinois IML immigration International AIDS Conference international mr. leather internet intimacy IRMA Jim Pickett leather community leathersex Leon Liberman LGBT LGBT adoption LGBT culture LGBT health LGBT rights LGBT seniors LGBT youth LGBTI community LGBTI culture LGBTI health LGBTI rights LGBTI spirituality LGV LifeLube LifeLube forum LifeLube poll LifeLube subscription lifelube survey Lorenzo Herrera y Lozano love lube lubricant Lymphogranuloma Venereum masturbation mental health microbicides middle Monday Morning Perk-Up MRSA MSM music National AIDS Strategy National Gay Men's Health Summit negotiated safety nutrition One Fey's Tale oral sex Peter Pointers physical health Pistol Pete pleasure PnP podcast policy politics poppers porn post-exposure prophylaxis PrEP President Barack Obama Presidential Campaign prevention Project CRYSP prostate prostate cancer public health public sex venues queer identity racism Radical Faerie recovery rectal microbicides relationships religion research safe sex semen Senator Barack Obama sero-adaptation sero-sorting seroguessing sex sexual abuse sexual addiction sexual health sexual orientation Sister Glo Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence smoking social marketing spirituality STD stigma stonewall riots substance abuse treatment substance use suicide super-bug superinfection Susan Kingston Swiss declaration syphilis Ted Kerr Test Positive Aware Network testicle self-examination testicular cancer testing The "Work-In" The 2009 Gay Men's Health Agenda Tony Valenzuela top Trans and Intersex Association trans group blog Trans Gynecology Access Program transgender transgender day of remembrance transgendered transmen transphobia transsexual Trevor Hoppe universal health care unsafe sex vaccines video violence viral load Who's That Queer Woof Wednesday writers yoga You Tube youtube