Friday, April 10, 2009
Masturbation Matters (part 2)
[click here to read part 1]
[read his "one fey's tale" posts]
Solo masturbation circles (during which participants pleasure only themselves) bring new meaning to the term circle jerk. I’ve attended and hosted a few of them and experienced their potential to generate a very intense collective sexual intensity.
First, they’re safe in a way that’s extremely difficult for other group sex encounters to be. The risk of transmitting sexual infections is reduced to nil. An ideal environment is created for those who have anxieties about their bodies or sharing sexual energy.
Second, it’s a great way to focus intention for specific purposes (healing, magick, changing the world, whatever.) Whether you’re masturbating for inner or outer peace, for stability or change, for more love or less war, there’s a powerful energy that can be channeled.
Not least of all, for we pozzies, it is a great way to get off with others while avoiding the mental effort of thinking about statuses, disclosure, and the like.
How to host a solo masturbation circle
Here’s the kind of experience I’ve shared with my fey families. You may want to give it a try and create your own version (but dammit, if you’re rimming, sucking and fucking, you’re not having a jack-off party!)
Do you need mats or pillows to sit on? What kind of lube do you prefer? Choices are good. I recommend providing at least one each of the following: water-based (consider silicone free to acommodate those who prefer that,) plant-based (like coconut or olive oil,) and petroleum-based (environmental considerations not withstanding, some folks swear by baby oil and the aforementioned Albolene rocks!) You’ll probably want a roll of paper towels or a pile of clean wash cloths. Drinking water is a must. I also recommend a bowl of fruit (more about this later.)
In addition to masturbating, most participants will want to share. You need enough space for everyone to sit in something approximating a circle - everyone should be able to see everyone else. Indoors or out, you want to ensure access and comfort. Excessive distractions of any kind are a no-no (in one very focused session I went as far as turning off the power in my condo). If your circle is happening in the context of a larger gathering, it should be easy for those inside and outside (non-participants) to recognize the space’s boundary.
Intentions are important for growth, healing, and magick. It’s good to start by going around the circle a time or two, using basic customs. In fey settings, this usually means passing a wand or other talisman (it needn’t be fancy – a nice stone or crystal will do.) The idea is for all to focus on the person holding the talisman; talking “across the circle” or addressing individuals is generally avoided. Folks can choose to “pass” but are encouraged to at least introduce themselves. Good questions to focus on are “Why am I here?” and “What do I expect to get out of this experience?”
The facilitators might want to explain how the ritual will proceed and reassure those in the circle that everyone is invited to participate in their own way with one caveat: it is not okay to “just watch.” At this time, you can address logistics such as establishing when the circle is closed to additional participants. Encourage folks who have not already done so to begin disrobing.
During this “warm-up” stage, it’s good to encourage folks to feel free to begin touching themselves sensually. Some may have joined seeking growth or adventure. Other individuals may share that they are bringing spiritual or personal issues to the circle for healing. These may relate to self-image, a recent loss, or miscellaneous sexual baggage. Our groups are ejaculation neutral. If you want, go for it. If not, that’s cool too.
At some point talk will naturally fade as folks begin to fondle and stroke themselves, each at their own pace. Energies will begin to move within and around the circle, the total being greater than the sum of its parts. You’re likely to find the experience heightened in a number of ways. These circles tend to create their own narrative; you’ll notice a natural beginning, middle, and end. Individuals will experience their self-pleasure with grimaces, laughter, tears, or quiet smiles. Some will come quietly . . . and others won’t!
Since everyone may not desire to or be able to reach a climax, knowing when to bring the masturbation phase of the circle to a close can be tricky. We ask our fellow masturbators to signify when they are finished by ritually choosing a piece of fruit and taking a bite. The group doesn’t move on until all have done so.
…talk again, then close.
It’s not uncommon for at least one participant to feel a need to leave early or bolt towards the wrap-up. That’s fine. Most of you, however, will want closure. Pass the talisman a couple more times. “What did you feel?” “Was it what you expected?” When the time is right, circle up, hold hands, and close with a meditation or group hug.
Without exception, I’ve left these circles each time feeling very moved and connected to others who shared the experience. Your desire to talk about it may extend beyond the session, or you may find yourself speechless. If you didn’t think so before, it’s pretty certain that you’ll leave the circle with a feeling that masturbation really can matter.
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