Tales from a Twink - A Family Thing

... sometimes families aren't united by blood
but by common values, and are committed to each other.

You can pick your nose.......

by Barbieboy07

[Barbie's bio
visit Barbie's World]

...but you can't pick your family.

We've heard this before, but now I want to expound a bit. Would most of us want to change our family?

Well I know that there are some of us that had no other choice.. It isn't easy coming out to your family, most of us know first hand. Thankfully many of today's parents are past the “shame” of having gay or lesbian kids, mainly because being gay is more socially accepted especially depending on where your parents are from. But what about those parents who are still stuck in the stone ages? The parents that instead of trying to understand their son or daughter, just want to hide them away or worse disown them completely. What happens to those kids?

I am very thankful for the mentoring programs here in Chicago for gay kids and teens, but I think we need to make these programs more accessible to the kids who are in schools all over Chicago and not just select neighborhoods.

Parents, are not always easy to get along with, especially in the years of adolescence. I'm 19 and my mother and I are just starting to try to understand each other. She started a few months ago by asking me why I think I'm bisexual. She had that funny way of putting it, why I “think” I'm bisexual, I then went on to tell her that it's something I've been struggling with a long time (being Catholic didn't help) and bouncing back to all these different labels didn't change the fact that I like girls and boys.

In my earlier years talking about my sexuality was totally out of the question, she ignored the makeup in my book bag and the bra's I hid in my room, or maybe she told herself that they were from my girlfriends (which I definitely had plenty of). Trying to prove to myself that I wasn't “bi” I was just going through a phase and that I still liked girls so maybe I was straight. Nuh huh, definitely bi - especially when I fell In love with an older gentleman, and he showed me the wonders of gay sex, and that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual!

Thankfully she never threatened to kick me out or send me away, not all parents are so understanding. Think of openly gay kids who want nothing more than the acceptance from their families and never receive it.

I looked up the word “Family” on dictionary.com and found a lot of different entries on what a family is defined as. This is my favorite one, “Two or more people who share goals and values, have long term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.” Family is just that, sometimes families aren't united by blood but by common values, and are committed to each other.

The 1990 documentary “Paris is Burning” describes the lives of several drag queens from New York during the AIDS crisis. Pepper LaBeija, “The Legendary mother of the House of LaBeija” said it best:

“When someone has rejection from their mother, their father, their family. When they get out in the world they search, they search for someone to fill that void. I know this from experience because I've had kids come to me and latch hold to me like I'm their mother, or like I'm their father. Because they can talk to me, and I'm gay and their gay.”

I don't think we have “Houses” in Chicago but if we did, homeless gay youth would be a lot better off. When kids leave their homes many of them first go live with a friend or another family member. If and when those resources have been tapped and their friends parents can't keep them any longer, they are left to the streets with the pimps and the gangs. Most of us have seen or heard of the gay male prostitutes that hangout in Lakeview and other north side areas. Most of those guys are my age and possibly younger. There is still hope for these kids to change their risky sexual behavior and become responsible citizens, and it really starts with us.

Most people want to change their life for the better. Especially when they are young, most know that they can do better and feel they are just going through a rough patch. I think the answer lies within the services that some community organizations already offer. Mentoring is extremely important for teens, everyone at one point feels lost or helpless or just needs someone to talk to. I think more of our older LGBT community members should volunteer for youth advocacy programs all around the city.

Teenagers don't need to be babied, we don't need to be forced out in the world without support either, what we need most of all is guidance.

Teenagers don't need to be babied, we don't need to be forced out in the world without support either, what we need most of all is guidance. With guidance we can make our own decisions the right way. I think that mentors should also help kids who are thinking of coming out to their families, the scariest thing I've ever done was to tell my mom. With someone in your corner not only rooting for you, but helping you tell your family in the most effective and non threatening way, I think there will be less gay teenage runaways.

I'm always saying good things about the Center On Halsted, but we need more locations, more spread out in different neighborhoods around Chicago. With more locations we can help kids who really are in need, it isn't fair that the best mentoring programs for youth are only in a select areas in the city. It does however make sense that Chicago's historically gay village has holds the best programs for gay youth, but what about the 16 year old twink living on 147^th and S. Halsted who doesn't have any way to get to Lakeview? Or the 13 year old lesbian living in Cicero? Not only do we need more programs, but we need them to be dispersed evenly throughout the city.

Like I said earlier, in life, you can pick your nose but not your family, what you can pick are the right people to help you along the way.

Read more of Barbieboy07's Tales from a Twink here.