Both of us have to cum, right?

[The Big "O": Rethinking sex - via gay.com]
by Dr. Omar Minwalla

There is no set idea of what is "normal" gay sex. Being gay and sexual doesn't mean you have to have your ass eaten if you don't like it.

Many of us, especially men, are taught from an early age that achievements count; that what makes a successful man is what he accomplishes. While this goal-oriented strategy may have advantages in your career or on the playing field, applying this strategy to your sex life may actually set you up for some disappointments.

Sex therapists simplify things by distinguishing between two common approaches to sex; goal-oriented and pleasure-oriented. Goal-oriented sex is where two or more partners are working to achieve specific results. There is often a step-by-step progression they feel obligated to adhere to and follow. This type of approach to sex often includes many unspoken assumptions and expectations.

On the other hand, pleasure-oriented sex is less focused on accomplishing specific goals but rather on the shared experience. The primary focus is on mutual pleasure, fun, intimacy etc. Which means there is no right way, wrong way or "supposed-to" behaviors that must happen.

Both of us have to cum, right?
A very common tenet of goal sex is that both people have to orgasm before it is "officially" over; having an orgasm becomes the marker of "successful" sex. If one person doesn't cum, there can be a sense something was not "right" and the experience was "a failure" or "incomplete." This can lead to frustrating and exhausting attempts to help one partner orgasm, even when both would rather just stop.

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