by Dr. Justin Varney
Only on LifeLube
For the last year or so I have been a single gay man enjoying the bounty that is gay life in a global city. I have worked my market of chub-chaser in at least two continents and met a wide range of truly sensual, sexual and inspiring lovers,
hook-ups and flirtations. (Those of you who have read my blog posts before will be having flash backs to ice cream, virgin boys and very messy hotel rooms). I have enjoyed my sex life and been fulfilled by porn, people and on the rare occasion toys, yet life has suddenly changed….
About a month ago I hooked up with a guy who thoroughly charmed me, the sex had a real connection and he was both good looking and intelligent, a deadly combination. We met a couple more times and then he asked me out to see the Spice Girls in concert. We held hands as the crowds went wild for Posh, Scary, Sporty and Ginger Spice and that night we did a bit of bump and grind of our own. He delayed his trip home for Christmas to spend the night wrapped up on the sofa watching Ru Paul kick ass in Starbooty and in the morning I dropped him at the station knowing that the next ten days I’d be without him. The romantics amongst you will be going awwwww and even the
cynics may be thinking that this bicycle has a new tire, but it isn’t all plain sailing….
About three weeks into this dating, are we, aren’t we phase, I changed almost all of my web profiles to say I wasn’t looking to hook up anymore and was waiting to see if this went somewhere. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just changed them and sat back and waited for signs from him that this was more than just hooking up and romantic dinner dates. In bed after sex I’d drop hints that I wanted more and that maybe we should become bf’s, he’d joke that it wasn’t like that and he just wanted to see where it goes, so hence my slightly puppy like brain goes into overdrive and all my negative self esteem issues come out to play….
Now I’m six days into the enforced celibacy and going slightly stir crazy. For the last year I have had sex on average once or twice a week, either in real life or on webcam. Now in the evenings I come home and log on and wonder what to do. Part of me still desires the hunt for sex and wants to hook up with another random stranger for a few hours fun, part of me wants to try this monogamy thing and see if I can hack it and make this into the relationship that part of me has always craved.
Sex addiction isn’t something that we discuss much in the 
list and discussed what was different between being addicted and being a stereotypical gay man.
I always struggled with the term but I can honestly say that at the moment I am struggling with withdrawal from the hunt for sex and the act itself. I miss those moments of tenderness, the adventure of capturing a guy and slowly stripping each other, exploring and finding new ways to pleasure each other……cold turkey is not easy……..I think when I look in the mirror I am looking at a man who is addicted to sex, to pleasure, to indulgence and hedonism.
Closing this chapter of the book will not be easy and I’m not sure how to tell the man, I might well be falling in love with, that he may fall in love with a flawed and damaged individual who has a past that might make Mata Hari blush.
I don’t regret my lifestyle, nor do I think its bad, I enjoyed the sex and the practice has helped me develop a wide range of skills in and out of the bedroom that hopefully will make my love life fun and pleasurable for both partners if this does turn out to be ‘the one’. I’m sure this period will pass and there are worse things to find out that you are addicted to, at least this one keeps my heart rate pounding and my pelvic floor intact….
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