A Change is Gonna Come!

Lee F. Carson reflected on change, and what it's going to take, this past World AIDS Day

[Lee's organization, Black Gay Men's Leadership Council, is a partner in the national collaboration called Sexual Health Xchange - SHX - which of course is LifeLube's daddy. More info on Lee at the end of his fantastic piece.]

We cannot heal, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel.

We have got to come back to a village mentality and stop allowing patriarchal, heterosexist and sexist notions to create hierarchies in our communities that leave some of us devalued, broken, depressed and suicidal.

World AIDS Day always inspires me to reflect on how I started doing HIV prevention work for Black Gay men, which began officially, exactly 7 years ago today on December 1, 2000. I, at that time was thoroughly excited about landing a job with an organization in my hometown of Rochester, NY that provided services for Black men who have sex with men (MSM). I remember thinking, "Wow, how can an organization like this exist in a small city like Rochester?" But it did, and it still does, and it, like all of the organizations across the country serving Black MSM have more work to do than ever, because in spite of our best efforts with the limited resources the government has given us, we have fallen short of saving the lives of Black gay men from HIV/AIDS. A disease with a small name, but powerful punch, that has robbed our families and our communities of so many beautiful and talented Black gay men. However, I believe a change is gonna come!

The title of this essay is inspired by the politically charged song by the late Sam Cook, who spoke prophetic words about the change that was going to occur as a result of the Civil Rights movement to combat racial injustice in the United States. Like Sam, I feel "a change is gonna come" in how we address the HIV epidemic among Black gay men in the United States. Why do I think this? The answer is both simplistic and complex at the same time. It’s simplistic in that, we have no other choice but to attack this killer called AIDS "by any means necessary" to quote the late, great Malcolm X. Yes attack it with the same fierceness in which it is attacking us, an eye for an eye! The complexity lies in how we employ an effective response to stop AIDS from its relentless attack on the lives of Black gay men. Twenty-five plus years in the game and we are still coming up short! Maybe this is because we have viewed HIV prevention from a restrictive lens, focusing too much on education and giving out condoms vs. addressing the psychological, social, cultural and economic factors that contribute to the spread of HIV. Maybe it’s that HIV is a symptom of these structural issues and this is where we should shift our focus.

I get angry as hell and then sad when I think of the lives lost and how AIDS has extinguished some of our most important political leaders. I think back to the 80’s, when Black gay organizing began to congeal into a movement. I’m referring to folks like Joseph Beam, Essex Hemphill and Marlon Riggs. They put a face and gave life to Black gay organizing with books like "Brother 2 Brother" and documentaries like "Tongues Untied". Indeed the tongues of Black gay men had become untied and we no longer had to live through the voices of gay white men who had more privilege and power to live their lives openly. I often wonder what Black gay organizing would look like today if AIDS hadn’t stolen their lives and the lives of countless other Black gay men. Just as I often wonder what the state of Black folks in this country would be if Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X were still alive. I suppose every war has its martyrs and in either case, lives were taken before their time and we should not let their deaths be in vain.

We must achieve a cohesive national response to revive the value of Black gay men in all of our diversity from the femme queen to the homo-thug, because when a person feels valued, they are more likely to protect their life and less likely to engage in behaviors that will put them at risk for HIV. But before we can rebuke larger society for how they treat us, we have some home cleaning to do. We have got to come back to a village mentality and stop allowing patriarchal, heterosexist and sexist notions to create hierarchies in our communities that leave some of us devalued, broken, depressed and suicidal. The hierarchy that has been created within many Black gay "communities", which value masculinity and devalue femininity, is in part what fuels the alarming rate of HIV among Black gay men. We need to own up to this and realize that in some cases we are playing a co-conspirator role in this epidemic, which is ravaging our brothers (and sisters). Sam Cook said it well: "…..then I go to my brother, and I say brother help me please. But he winds up knocking me back down on my knees". It’s amazing that in 2007, we are dealing with this same divisiveness amongst ourselves as was the case over 40 years ago. But I believe a change is gonna come!

I don’t view the need to build cohesion among Black gay men through rose-colored glasses, as I don’t expect us all to "just get along" a la Rodney King. This isn’t Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood or The Brady Bunch and the lack of cohesion that has taken hold in Black gay communities cannot and will not be solved in a 30 or 60 minute episode. We can only begin to address it through deep introspection, honesty and in some cases therapy. Yep, I said it, THERAPY. Some of us are damaged because of the things that have happened to us in our lives and going to a counselor isn’t a bad thing. Some of us are carrying the battle scars of sexual abuse, racism, homophobia, effemiphobia, emotional abuse, physical abuse, pain from damaged family relationships because of our same sex desire and religious homophobia to name a few. How can one carry these emotional scars with no outlet to heal and it not have a negative impact on ones self-esteem, well-being and self-worth? The answer is, it DOES impact us in ways that manifests itself through engaging in unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse and risky sexual activity. If we dig deep into our psyche to find out how the things that have happened to us in our lives impact how we feel about ourselves and how we treat others, I think then we will begin to find a way to build greater cohesion among Black gay men, which in turn will help curb the HIV epidemic. We cannot heal, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel.

My challenge to my Black gay brothers for 2008 who carry these emotional scars is to seek a means to heal. Heal in the way that feels best for you, but don’t allow your emotional scars to erode your ability to connect in a healthy way to other Black gay men. Don’t allow the scars to erode your ability to protect yourself, your family and your community. It is up to us to get the help we need to feel better about ourselves, so we don’t put ourselves at risk for HIV. It is up to us to stop wounding each other with our words and in some cases our actions. And it is up to us to resist those patriarchal, heterosexist and sexist hierarchies from continuing to devalue and wound members of our communities.

While we face significant challenges as Black gay men across the United States in relation to stopping the HIV/AIDS epidemic, I continue to believe in Sam Cook’s prophetic words that a change is gonna come!

Lee Carson resides in Philadelphia, PA where he works as an HIV prevention behavioral science researcher and as a mental health therapist with the LGBT population. He will begin teaching in Temple Universities School of Social Administration in Spring 2008. He also currently serves as the president of a grass roots organization in Philadelphia called the Black Gay Men’s Leadership Council "A Change Is Gonna Come" is Lee’s first essay written about the HIV epidemic among Black gay men. He can be reached by email.