Big Deal

by Jim Pickett
for Positively Aware

Offering advice to a friend who tests positive

I heard from a friend the other day, someone I had not spoken to or seen in quite some time, years actually. We just hadn’t been in touch, not due to a lack of friendly feelings for one another; rather a result of the different orbits in which we travel.

A little younger than my 41, he’s gay, really funny and super smart—a great guy.

He was looking for some advice as he had just tested positive for HIV.

This was relayed to me in a voice message. I had not answered my phone when he rang, as the number from which he was calling was coming up unknown—he had blocked it. I listened to his voice, and despite this news, he sounded fine, he sounded like himself, but what he said really struck me. I felt sad that this had happened to him, and was a bit shocked, as I guess one always is, when a friend who has navigated the mine field for so many years comes up positive. As it turned out, his last negative test was at the end of 2006.

We played a bit of phone tag over the course of more than a week, and finally connected over a recent weekend. My friend had lots of questions. He wanted to know what I thought about his t-cell count and viral load—both his first. Ah, you always remember your first, don’t you? They weren’t great, but not catastrophic either. He wanted to know about the meds—what I thought about “hitting hard, hitting early” and the side effects. He wanted to know if I thought he needed to get started.

He wanted to know if the meds were going to make his face sink in, and give him “the look.” The prospect of wearing HIV all over his face was not appealing.

And he wanted to know if he would be able to lead a normal, happy life. And he wanted to know how long he might expect to live this normal, happy life, if indeed normal and happy were possible.

He was worried, concerned, and not to put too fine a point on it, scared.

Read the rest.