Reclaiming My Jotería

by Lorenzo Herrera y Lozano

Check out his sites:
Joto Power
God is Brown

As a child growing up in the south part of the San Francisco Bay Area, dreams of what to be and/or do when one grew up were never-ending. I often dreamt of being a doctor, an architect or a pilot. Yet, as it turns out I faint when I see blood, I’m dimensionally challenged and I’m afraid of heights. Fast forward some 20 years and you’ll see that my life has nothing to do with medicine, architecture or aviation.

No, when I grew up I became a Joto.



I can see how the argument could be made that Jotería is not a profession, an academic field or perhaps even an artistic space from which to work. I argue the contrary. Calling myself Joto is not just an attempt to evoke a few chuckles, frighten people or gain attention through ever-popular shock value. Calling myself a Joto is part of a political process.

Joto, which pretty much translates as faggot, is a term so many Chicanas/os, Mexican Americans and Mexicanas/os (I differentiate for those who choose to identify in particular ways) grew up around. In my home, the term was often used to talk about one of my younger uncles, who is now one of my younger aunts. Before she was able to claim her identity as a woman, my aunt was what appeared to be a pretty effeminate young man. Legs were shaved, voice was soft and those hips couldn’t help but sway. Things that a ‘man’ or, to be specific, ‘un hombre’ never did. Things only a Joto would do.

So my tía, then my tío, was my point of reference for all things Joto. I clearly remember how family and community would ostracize her for being a disgrace to the family. She would never marry, she would never have children, she would never measure up to being the type of man my family expected her to be. Obviously, since she wasn’t a man to begin with. But, I share a brief piece of her story not to define her as a Joto or Jota. I share it because this was the beginning of the path that lead me to one day claim the term Joto as my identity.

The first memory I have of the term was back when I was 5 years old. My aunt had come to live with us in San José and I overheard my father talking to my mom about how ‘he’ was clearly acting like a Joto. Since then I understood that the term was not one to be proud of. As I grew up and began having those butterfly feelings for other boys, I couldn’t keep the word Joto out of my mind. I was convinced I wasn’t one of those. Even as I explored my sexuality with other young men as a young man, and later as I came of age as a young adult, I still refused to think of myself in such a way.

But as I was exploring desire, I was also exploring what it meant to be the son of a Mexican-born father while living in the United States and the son of a United States-born mother while living in México. I came out of this process claiming a Chicano identity. I learned that my identity was deeper than the color of my skin, while definitely informed by it. I learned that claiming this identity was a political statement. Claiming a Chicano identity was also claiming an intentionally political identity. There was nothing subtle about calling myself Chicano.

By the time I came out as a gay man I was deeply rooted in my identity as a Chicano. Now I had the task of making sense of what I thought were two different identities and experiences. Most of what I knew about being Chicano was from a non-queer perspective. Meanwhile all that I had access to about what it meant to be queer was from a white perspective. Yet, I knew I had nothing in common with stories of young white men growing up in Kansas and finding home in the Castro District of San Francisco. While these stories are important to tell they are not my stories.

The process of reclaiming the word Joto as an identity came from trying to negotiate what I thought were two different realities. Claiming a Joto identity has been about learning that my cultura and my sexuality cannot be separated. Both live in my body. Joto is just as much a politicized identity as Chicano and Queer are.

Jotería is the understanding and affirmation that my cultura and sexuality are interconnected, informing each other and mutually integral to my very wholeness.

I join arms with my sisters and brothers of the LGBT Movement and the Chicana/o Movement as a Joto. Every step I take, I take as a Joto. My work as an activist, academic, artist, partner, lover, son, friend, sister, brother and ally stems from the real, mythological and mystical place that is Jotería.

Lorenzo's bio
Pues el Lorenzo was born in Califas. He lived 6 years in Chihuahua. He’s been in Austin since 2001. He’s Xicano. He’s a poet. He works at allgo. He’s getting another masters. He’s not all there. He loves men. Sometimes men love him.