The "Work In" - I just came here to tell you I love you

and, when the time comes to let it go... 

let it go.

Ed Negron, a former drug user, turned gangbanger, turned drug dealer, turned own best customer, turned addict, turned recovering addict (still there), turned activist, turned business manager, turned student, turned Substance Abuse Counselor, turned better and happier person, turned someone who can love and be loved (Love you Patrick), turned blogger. Check out Ed's own blog here.

Featured almost every Thursday on LifeLube --- check out all of Ed's "Work-In's" here.

“If we all let go of one thing we like, and take instead each other's hand; if we all let go of three minutes each day, and find instead a few perfect words for someone in the house; if we all withhold our judgments for one hour, and reveal during that time one of our own small secret sins; if we all skip the same meal each week, and spend the time together in the park; would we have less or more than what we started with?It is one of the great and pleasing mysteries of life that we gain by giving things up. Instead of grabbing things or demanding from others if we give something up, we leave a space for something new to enter our lives.” 

From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

I feel so blessed that I let go of the sad memories... now I have room to fill up on good ones.

Last week I traveled to Puerto Rico for the first time in my life. I went as part of a delegation from Chicago and New York to show support to the BLGTQ community and to meet the family of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, a Latino Gay youth who body was found decapitated, dismembered and partially burned body on a road in central Puerto Rico on November 14, 2009. To ready more about the activism part of the trip read my online article visit the Windy City Times website.

The trip proved to be a test of all the work-ins I have done during my recovery.

Growing up I have huge father issues I avoided facing. I carried around loads of resentments, anger, shame and sadness toward the person I use to call my “sperm donor”. I would always say that that was the only title my father earned. It wasn’t until I was about 1 ½ sober that I started to do some work around these issues. Of course I tipped toed around it them never really doing the work just talking about it. Then I went through the Mankind Project’s New Warrior Weekend Adventure.

Here I learned how to take look at my father issues dead on. I wasn’t until after the weekend and doing much work around those issues with my I-group, an integration group is a continuing support network of men who meet regularly to continue the work they touched on in the weekend. Once I was finally brave enough to face my issues and work them out I was able to let go of those feeling of abandonment, anger, shame and sadness. Letting go took a lot of tears and yelling. The story I told myself was that I finally did it. I finally let go of those feelings and resentments that were holding parts of me back.

I used this trip to my homeland of Puerto Rico as an opportunity to finally see my father after over 30 years. Thanks to Facebook I was already friends with my brothers and sister from dad’s second marriage. This made it easy for me to set up a visit to his house. After an immensely emotional day of meeting with politicians, local community BLGTQ organizations, and the family of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, I was not sure I could make the 3 hour trip across island to see my father.

But I knew that I was just trying to come up with an excuse not to see my father.

Read the rest.


(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)

If you are not sure how to begin your work-in or need some guidance please feel free to post a comment or email me directly at thework-in@hotmail.com, I will response as soon as I can.

Visit my blog at thework-in.blogspot.com or to read daily motivations visit http://backtothebasicsplease.com/wordpress

“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." -- Shakti Gawain

The "Work In" - Hating on Hate (Read 4 Info on Chicago Vigil for Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado)

by Ed Negron, a former drug user, turned gangbanger, turned drug dealer, turned own best customer, turned addict, turned recovering addict (still there), turned activist, turned business manager, turned student, turned Substance Abuse Counselor, turned better and happier person, turned someone who can love and be loved (Love you Patrick), turned blogger. Check out Ed's own blog here.

Featured (almost) Every Thursday on LifeLube --- check out all of Ed's "Work-In's" here.

I HATE hate!

This post is dedicated to
Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado,
(August 13, 1990 – November 13, 2009)
and every other victim of a hate crime.

Today I will share my personal "Work-In" with you. I am writing this with feelings of anger and sadness. I am angry because I live in world where some people think that it’s ok to hurt another person because they don’t like them. The sadness is that we are losing too many young lives to volience.

On November 13, 2009, 19-year-old, openly gay Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado’s body was found on the site of an isolated road in the city of Cayey in Puerto Rico.  His body was partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso.

A suspect has been arrested for the murder. According to Telemundo and other local reports, the 28 year old father of four Martinez Matos confessed to authorities that he picked Lopez Mercado up from the street, thinking that he was a woman. When he realized that Lopez Mercado was a man, Martinez Matos said he regressed to an incident when he was sexually assaulted during a prison term. He then attacked Lopez Mercado, separating his arms from his torso. Again this is all hearsay. I have been reading articles all over the web with varying version of the story. The bottom line is this is just so wrong on many levels. As I read all the news stories and what his friends on Facebook are saying about Jorge Steven my tears start flowing.

Today I just heard of Jason Mattison Jr,s. death. Jason was 15, an openly gay sophomore at the Vivian T. Thomas Medical Arts Academy in Baltimore. He was found dead last week at his aunt’s house. He had been raped, gagged with a pillowcase and stabbed repeatedly in the head and throat. Then his body was shoved into an upstairs closet at the house. Full story at baltimoresun.com.

As I write this my tears are flowing. Why is there so much hate in this world?

No child is born a bigot. Hate is learned. 

I will only speak for myself. I was born into this world as a blank slate. I would image that the only thing I knew was that when I was hungry I cried and mom fed me. So I learned that to get fed, I had to cry. As child, I watched and learned from this big world around me. I saw how adults looked at and treated each other. I listen to every word they said. I mimicked their every move because they were adults and I wanted to be just like them.

The earliest lesson I remember about hate came from my family and every other Puerto Rican I new. I wasn’t supposed to like Mexicans. Back in the day, there was the big feud between Puerto Ricans and Mexicans. No one knew why we hated each other. We just knew we were supposed to hate each other - just because. I always love it when adults say, “just because” when they don’t have answer to a question.

Then I learned I was supposed to hate gay people because the Bible says so. 

But it really doesn’t. Ok, so now I have to hate myself because I like boys to.  Then my hatred grew into rage because, as much as I wanted to like myself, all I heard was hatred towards people like me. My rage then turned into self-destruction. I began to do harm to my body through drugs and alcohol. Some of that rage was turned outward toward everyone else. I grew hatred towards everyone who hated gays.

Fuck those homophobes. I was going to make their lives just as miserable as they made mine. But I did it mentally. I got into peoples heads and mind fucked them. I said and did things for the shock value. The look on their faces was priceless. But at the end of the day, I still felt the same about myself. It was a “lose-lose” situation. I became tired of hating. It takes to much negative energy.

I had to unlearn hate. Yes, it’s possible.

Ending my hate takes a lot of conscious thinking. I have to keep an awareness of how my actions and words impact other people, intentional or unintentional. I’m not perfect, I still have my moments, but I try to catch myself. People may still hate me because of who I am, but that doesn’t mean I have to hate them in return. Yes, I may get mad at them, but I won’t hate them. Again, it’s not always easy, but it can be done.

Here is a good example of how people change hate into something beautiful. This past Tuesday morning I read on Facebook that there was going to be a vigil for Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado in New York. I immediately thought that Chicago, having the second largest population of Puerto Ricans outside the island, has to have one as well. I sent an email out to a hand full of friends at 9:15a.m., and by the end of the day these individuals put it together.

Now my tears are of joy.

My community yet again modeled want community is truly about. I know I can lean on them when I’m not strong, and visa versa. When one of us is hurt we must put all our differences aside and come together to provide support and strength for one another. We will mourn together. We will show the world that the BGLTQ Community will not be defeated by hate or any other injustices!




I invite you to join us in solidarity as we to honor the life of Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado. On Sunday, November 22, 2009, vigils will be held in cities across the U.S. Visit http://mercado-vigil.tumblr.com to find a city near you.

If you cannot join us in person I ask that you hold Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, Jason Mattison Jr. and all other victims of a hate crime in your heart on Sunday and always.

Chicago Vigil
DATE: Sunday, November 22.
TIME: 4pm-6pm
LOCATION: Convene at 4p.m, at the corner of Division & California, Procession &  Vigil towards the Humboldt Park Boat House, upon arrival program will commence.

We are asking organizations/community members to:
-post the save the date on their website/facebook/listerv (facebook event to come)
-call their contacts and encourage them to attend (allies as well!)
-ask orgs/individuals to bring candles for themselves and others

Please contact Dulce at quintero.dulce@gmail.com with questions or if you would like to help or contribute to the vigil organizing efforts.

BUSTED ON BROADWAY

A dozen activists arrested in high-profile street protest demanding U.S. end Puerto Rico's AIDS nightmare

via Housing Works

It was everything you could hope for in a protest.

After staging a spirited press conference in lower Manhattan's Foley Square decrying U.S. neglect of Puerto Rico's worsening AIDS crisis, about 50 AIDS activists marched the short distance to Broadway and Worth streets. A dozen brave souls wearing blue T-shirts bearing a ghostly skull superimposed on a Puerto Rican flag paused for a red light, then lined up across Broadway holding up signs reading "Health and Human Services Must Act Now. People with AIDS in Puerto Rico are Dying." And then they waited for the cops.

It took New York's finest a while to arrive, giving the activists—supported by Housing Works, UDCAS New York, CitiWide Harm Reduction, Harm Reduction Coalition, New York City AIDS Housing Network, Gay Men's Health Crisis, Washington Heights CORNER Project and ACT UP Philly—plenty of time to chant "Puerto Rican AIDS Crisis, Save Lives Now," and make their point about U.S. inaction in the Commonwealth.

The goal of the protest was to pressure the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), the division of HHS that oversees HIV/AIDS in all U.S. states and territories, to take over the dispersal of millions in Ryan White CARE Act funds in Puerto Rico. Mismanagement and fraud of those dollars have led to a crippling of the island's AIDS infrastructure and grievous delays in care for people living with HIV/AIDS, including lack of access to medication.
The protest prompted HRSA to respond to the protestors demands...

Read the rest.