The "Work-In" - Think Backwards to Move Forward

Ed Negron, a former drug user, turned gangbanger, turned drug dealer, turned own best customer, turned addict, turned recovering addict (still there), turned activist, turned business manager, turned student, turned Substance Abuse Counselor, turned better and happier person, turned someone who can love and be loved (Love you Patrick), turned blogger. Check out Ed's own blog here.

Featured almost every Thursday on LifeLube --- check out all of Ed's "Work-In's" here.

On to a new decade...

The end of another year has come. Take time today to reflect on your past year. Celebrate all your accomplishments by taking a deep breath and letting it out with a big thank you into the air. 

Let the winds carry your gratitude silently and gracefully to all its destinations... to wherever, whatever, and whomever it was that helped make your accomplishments possible.

It’s also time to look at the failed attempts and mistakes. Take another deep breath and let it out with another big thank you into the air. Let the winds carry your gratitude to everyone, everything, and every place that provided you the opportunity to learn what does work for you, and to grow from it. All of us would benefit by using that knowledge to deal with situations we mishandled in the past. But we must remember that whatever mistakes we made, we made with only the knowledge and resources that we had then, and we may have done about as well as we possibly could have at that time. Going forward, say to your self: “I'll live fully today, allowing no thoughts of regret from my past to intrude." 

Or what one of my clients always says to his peers, “When you know better, you will do better.”

It’s also time to set some goals, or resolutions, for the year to come. If you’re anything like me, you have probably tried every way possible that you can think of to follow through, with either very little success or by really busting your ass to make it happen. The other morning I was reading one of my favorite daily motivational websites, The Daily Motivator, by Ralph Marston, and he wrote something that just blew me away. I had never thought of looking at goal setting this way. I was so excited about it that I asked a client if they would be willing to give it a test run that same day. So I mapped out one of their goals this new way. We both had an “ah-ha moment.” Not only did it sound good it was so much easier to create.

Okay, okay -  I know the suspense is killing you. I will leave you, on the last day of 2009, with the wonderful words from Ralph Marston:

Think backwards

• When you're planning to travel, where do you usually begin that planning? You begin with the destination. 
• You cannot know what direction to go unless you know where you would like to end up. So a successful plan begins with the destination and works its way backwards to the point where you begin. 
• When you desire to reach a specific goal, the same kind of approach will work very well. Start with the end goal, and develop your plan backwards from there. 
• When you're clear about the goal, you can easily figure out what would be the last step necessary to reach that goal. When you know the last step, you can determine what the step before that will be. 
• You can develop your plan, step by step, from the end to the beginning. When you do, instead of wondering what the best first step would be, you'll know precisely what to do first, what to do after that, and what to do after that. 
• However ambitious the goal may be, there is something you can do right now to get off to a solid start. 
• Visualize the goal, work backwards step by step, and you'll know precisely how to begin. 

--Ralph Marston


Have a SAFE and Happy New Celebration & MANY BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL IN THE NEW YEAR!!!

To read daily motivations visit my blog at thework-in.blogspot.com or to receive daily motivations via email join our Google group Back To The Basics Please .

If you are not sure how to begin your work-in or need some guidance please feel free to post a comment or email me directly at thework-in@hotmail.com, I will response as soon as I can.

(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)

“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." -- Shakti Gawain

Who's That Queer [Gareth Thomas]

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

Gareth Thomas (born 25 July 1974 in Sarn near Bridgend) is a Welsh rugby union player who currently plays at fullback, wing or centre for the Cardiff Blues and most recently played as a fullback for Wales. On 26 May 2007, he surpassed Gareth Llewellyn as the most-capped Wales player with his 93rd appearance. A prolific try scorer at international level, Thomas is listed ninth in the world on the all-time Test try scoring list. During the 2007 Rugby World Cup, Thomas created sporting history when he become the first Welshman to win 100 international caps in rugby union. During this game he scored a try and prevented another but Wales lost to Fiji and were eliminated from the tournament. He is also the first rugby player to come out while still playing professionally.


Gareth Thomas made his debut for Wales on 27 May 1995 against Japan. He held the Wales record for the most international tries with 40 until Shane Williams surpassed that total in the 2008 Six Nations Championship, but still retains the record for most Test appearances for his country, with 100. He surpassed the try record previously held by Ieuan Evans in 2004 against Italy. He also got a hat-trick of tries in the Second Test against Japan in 2001; 51 appearances after announcing his arrival on the international scene with a hat-trick in the 1995 World Cup game against the same opposition. Equally at home at centre, it was from that position he scored the longest intercept try ever seen at the Arms Park, a 90 metre dash against Australia in 1996.Thomas was named as captain for Wales' final match in the 2007 Six Nations against England after current captain Stephen Jones was ruled out with a broken wrist. When Thomas took the field, he equaled Llewellyn's Wales record of 92 caps. He broke Llewellyn's record when he led Wales out against Australia at Telstra Stadium in Sydney on 26 May 2007, a match that Wales lost 29–23 on a Wallabies try after the siren.

From 2002 to 2006, Thomas was married to childhood sweetheart Jemma. The couple married in St Brides Major, near Bridgend, and filed for divorce in 2007; during the relationship, Jemma suffered three miscarriages.

In December 2009 Thomas announced publicly that he is gay. He told the Daily Mail , "I don't want to be known as a gay rugby player. I am a rugby player, first and foremost I am a man." Thomas' public confirmation of his sexuality makes him the first openly gay professional rugby player still playing the game. In an interview with the BBC, Thomas talked about how he hoped that his coming out would mean that in the future, young gay rugby players would be able to come out and be accepted as a "talented gay rugby player". Thomas also said, "What I choose to do when I close the door at home has nothing to do with what I have achieved in rugby."

Source: Wikipedia

Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins of 'Friendster' Civilization

Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization

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A Tranny Girl goes to the White House: a Personal Account by Helena Bushong

via AIDS Connect

As I sit here, I can’t help but ask the question, “Just how did I find myself headed to Washington, DC to advise on public policy at the White House?” It’s been a whirlwind fall that all started with me applying for and being selected as a member of the newly formed IL Alliance for Sound AIDS Policy (IL ASAP), a group of statewide policy and advocacy leaders picked to increase community involvement in HIV/AIDS activities, and fight for fair policies for those living with and at risk for HIV and AIDS.

On November 12, 2009, IL ASAP was fortunate enough to take part in a National HIV/AIDS Strategy Focus Group. Jeffery Crowley, Director of the White House Office of National Aids Policy and Senior Advisor of Disability Policy was the guest at the focus group and listened as community members spoke to issues that need to be addressed when forming the National HIV/AIDS Strategy. I testified at the focus group meeting regarding the barriers facing transgender, women, and aging populations; I had a lot to say!

After the focus group, I spoke with Mr. Crowley as a follow up to my testimony and I offered him a business card in case he had any questions or needed further input from me. I was impressed that Mr. Crowley seemed to listen carefully to testimony, took notes and asked thoughtful questions. I thought to myself, “Who knows?”

I did not think about it anymore until I open my email in early December, and spotted an email from the White House! Subject: December 8, White House “Women and HIV” meeting. It was flagged: Importance - High.

At first, I thought it might be a joke (I do have some prankster friends). I returned to the e-mail to read it again. As I read further, I felt almost unable to breathe. The email went on:

Read the rest.

If gay guys use condoms more than straight people, why do they get infected with HIV at much higher rates?

via rabble.ca, by nico little of ickaprick and ironpussy

While working in the prevention team of a Canadian AIDS service organisation, I was part of an inter-agency group that offered training to local social workers, nurses, shelter employees, etc on how to offer better services to sexual minorities.

To get the ball rolling in training sessions, I often start by saying:
 
Studies show that gay guys consistently use condoms with casual sex partners at rates way higher than do heterosexuals. In one study conducted at Toronto Pride in 2006, 75-80% of gay guys reported consistent condom use with casual partners. And even if that number is inflated, it's still much higher than the rate for heterosexuals. Yet in Ottawa, gay guys still account for more new HIV infections than any other population and, in the US, gay men are the only group among whom HIV infections are currently on the rise.

If we are going to provide effective health services to men who have sex with men, it's essential that we understand what's going on. It seems totally illogical: gay guys use condoms more often, yet are infected with HIV more often. 

So as professionals who are paid to serve this community, I'm asking you: why?

Read the rest.

Queer Hopes and Goals for 2010

For the third year in a row artist and writer Ted Kerr's last Queermonton column of the season is a collage of hopes, wishes, goals and resolutions submitted by members of the queer community.

Read previous years: 2009 , 2008

 

In 2010…

I resolve not to forget where I came from and hope that the memory will not stop me from going where I want. 

I will remember that the New Year will be that of construction. I won't second-guess myself so much; I will eat like a champion. I will Internet less, human contact more.

My personal goal is to create more life-affirming art, to lose 30 pounds (one does not need to be the biggest bear in the world), to live more honestly, less in my head, trust myself, to be as couture, colorful, and layered as my drawings and to construct a solid working class discourse that allows for autonomous voices to emerge from a discourse that previously talked down to those people.

My wish is that the queer community would stop fighting itself and focus on combating heteronormativity and hate. For the first ten years of this era, we have dealt with much conflict and turmoil, I only wish 2010 will bring us peace of mind and equality for allI would love to see compassion, creativity, and a strong sense of community flourish in place of blind consumption and unrestrained capitalism. As Alberta moves to the right LGBTQ people must get involved and VOTE. It would be nice to have meaningful relationship that lasts more than three months. 2010 will be all about friends, lovers, art, good cocktails, peace and finding a cure for HIV.

I want more images of queers lying down on the street to resist tanks in the Pride parade, more of the Samarasekera Response Team, more radical queer politics (less talk of gay marriage), more inventive use of public space (less retreat from it), and more civic-mindedness (less individualism).

I want empowered promiscuity, a chance to fuck my enemies, better time management skills, more time spent outside, Bill 44 to be repealed, Gender Reassignment Surgery funding to be reinstated, to get elected, to tease an aerie-faerie aristocratic chitter-chatter out of the bourgeoisie corporate discourse of contemporary consumer culture, to be very busy, to focus focus focus on my work, to keep standing, walking and then running (stopping only to help and breathe), to fully embrace my journey, continue to be proactive in my life and the greater queer community, to affect and seek positive change, to learn how to be more sexually expressive, liberal and how to better communicate, to make some noise, join a parade, and cause some tumult for a good cause, to explore and discover why we need art, why we continue to destroy ourselves (and hug everyone who understands), I want to see the legalization of same-sex marriage in California, I would like to graduate and continue my education in hopes of becoming a prominent gay broadcaster in Canada, to have more passionate, engaging and fun sex with my spouse, to embrace a more holistic view of health and get back into cooking and church. I want a new underground / above ground home for queer kids (of all ages) to dance to mid 90s hip-hop, R&B and Lady Gaga.

I want another year as good as 2009 was. I want to heal.

I hope to see more public displays of dissent and outrage in response to terrible decisions and policies in Alberta. The Crash has already happened in many places around the world, I hope next year The Crash happens here and then we'll all have to start community gardens and learn how to can. One can only hope, and work towards educating the populace on why they need to be angry and afraid of Section 9 of Bill 44. I love the way Edmonton’s queer community has galvanized this past year, my sincere hope for 2010 is that we build on this momentum - Queer Summit anyone? hope all Canadians may express themselves freely and openly by DANCING THEIR ASSES OFFF through out the next year.

I hope love becomes a greater part in peoples' lives, that we learn to not only love each other more, but ourselves as well.

I hope for the return of that certain someone that stole my heart from Toronto- he had to run for his life from his homeland because of his lifestyle. I hope that the lives of queers living in developing countries with homophobic policies are made significantly better in 2010. (I don't live there and can't know what "better" would look like, so that's all I'll say). I hope we continue to infuse queer mainstream with the diverse queer voices of different cultures around the world, to be proud of our heritages and to let our histories empower our voices. I hope my parents will hear about their son doing something queer and wonderful and will come to show their support. I hope my father will accept me when I confront him about my 8-year secret of being gay. I hope to be a part of a parent support group for school aged children that have gay/lesbian parents and are subjected to bullying. I hope people become kinder and less fearful and that ’80s techno pop makes a comeback. I hope we survive the bureaucratic nonsense of the Australian immigration department.

I hope 2010 will bring authentic healing to our community, that we'll be good to each other, supportive of each other, and become more of who we are truly meant to be. I hope I feel less hopeless a year from now than I do today- pleasant surprises would be welcome.

I feel ready to begin.

Monday Morning Perk-Up

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Feel the Love... Sister Glo channels HH Dalai Lama

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

~HH Dalai Lama

Sister Glo shares her glittery gems of love with LifeLube each Friday.

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The "Work In" - Get Through Your Holiday P.M.S.

Ed Negron, a former drug user, turned gangbanger, turned drug dealer, turned own best customer, turned addict, turned recovering addict (still there), turned activist, turned business manager, turned student, turned Substance Abuse Counselor, turned better and happier person, turned someone who can love and be loved (Love you Patrick), turned blogger. Check out Ed's own blog here.

Featured almost every Thursday on LifeLube --- check out all of Ed's "Work-In's" here.


Some people look forward to the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays. The holidays bring them joy and a warm feeling, and they joyously dive into the season.

For others it brings conflict, guilt, shame and anger, and they dip into the Poor Me Syndrome (PMS); which we all know equals depression.

We can read articles, blogs, and books on how to enjoy the holidays, and about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can't figure out how to get

through the holiday season. Many of us feel torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don't want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don't have the kind of family to be with that we want.

Many of us,year after year, walk into the same dining room, on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.

This choice of how to feel during the holidays is ours. It always has been, and it always well be.

One of the greatest lessons I learned in recovery is that I’m not alone. There are definitely as many of us in conflict during the holidays as there are those who feel at peace. Those who are at peace got there by learning, through trial and error, how to take care of oneself a little better each holiday season.

The holiday season presents us with an opportunity to practice the “letting go thing” I’m always talking about here. When we catch self-pity starting, we can choose to take action against it immediately. This is a special time of the year to set aside our work and our routines; to put our problems and burdens on the shelf. We may have been too compulsive on past holidays to celebrate.

There’s no need for perfection on how we celebrate. We can have some tension, or pain, and yet set it aside as we join with others for a special day. Join with others who are also letting go on this day; and celebrate. Maybe we can learn from them how they do it.

“When we set an intention to change and grow, we begin a journey in which we move from coping, to learning and finally, to the enjoyment of living. With each step, we experience greater freedom, fulfillment and joy. Worth going for, don’t you think?

Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.” -- Stephen R. Covey


To read daily motivations visit my blog at thework-in.blogspot.com or to receive daily motivations via email join our Google group Back To The Basics Please .

If you are not sure how to begin your work-in or need some guidance please feel free to post a comment or email me directly at thework-in@hotmail.com, I will response as soon as I can.

(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)

“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." -- Shakti Gawain

Boys after our hards - Lube Wrestling via Orlando

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"Si , we could" - Mexico City Marries the Gays

Today all barriers have disappeared.

Mexico City lawmakers on Monday made the city the first in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage, a change that will give homosexual couples more rights, including allowing them to adopt children.

The bill passed the capital's local assembly 39-20 to the cheers of supporters who yelled: "Yes, we could! Yes, we could!"

Read the rest on HuffPo.

How to Close the LGBT Health Disparities Gap

Negative health outcomes for LGBT people are due to the cumulative and intersecting impact of many different factors, particularly their reduced access to employer-provided health insurance, the social stigma that exists against LGBT people, and a lack of cultural competence in the health care system.

via Center for American Progress, by Jeff Krehely

LGBT health disparities overall

In the past decade lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, or LGBT, people have made rapid progress in winning and securing equal rights. Fifteen states and Washington, D.C. now give same-sex couples at least some of the same rights afforded to heterosexual married couples. Even more states offer nondiscrimination protections based on sexual orientation, gender identity, or both. Polling data show that the general public has increasingly positive views of LGBT people and are becoming more supportive of their civil and political rights. In short, heterosexual Americans are finally recognizing LGBT people as a legitimate social minority that should have equal access to our society’s basic rights, opportunities, and responsibilities.

Despite this progress, however, members of the LGBT population continue to experience worse health outcomes than their heterosexual counterparts. Due to factors like low rates of health insurance coverage, high rates of stress due to systematic harassment and discrimination, and a lack of cultural competency in the health care system, LGBT people are at a higher risk for cancer, mental illnesses, and other diseases, and are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, use drugs, and engage in other risky behaviors.

People who are both LGBT and members of a racial or ethnic minority will often face the highest level of health disparities. For example, as the National Coalition for LGBT Health notes, a black gay man faces disparities common to the African-American community as well as those suffered by the LGBT community, and a transgender Spanish-speaking woman, regardless of her sexual orientation, must navigate multiple instances of discrimination based on language, ethnicity, and gender. A companion CAP brief, “How to Close the LGBT Health Disparities Gap: Disparities by Race and Ethnicity,” explores these in more detail.

Health surveys cannot continue to treat populations in isolation: Members of the LGBT community who are members of other populations that are recognized as suffering from health disparities must be allowed to identify themselves fully on surveys, including their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Read the rest.

New Zealand's whimsical condom ad

courtesy New Zealand AIDS Foundation

Nice to have a condom ad that is targeting the gays and aint all scarrrrrrry.

[Official description: Get it On! wants to encourage everyone in New Zealand to get behind a condom culture. Last year saw the highest number of new HIV diagnoses in New Zealand history, with gay and bisexual men most at risk. Get it On! is a call to action for everyone to use condoms every time they have sex, and to support the gay and bisexual men in their lives in their safe sex choices.]

Monday Morning Perk-Up #2

Brought to you by Pistol Pete

Monday Morning Perk-Up

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Santa Speedo Run

Lieberman SOCKS

Feel the Love... Sister Glo channels Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered. 
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with
thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. 
For you come to him with your hunger, and you
seek him for peace.

~Kahlil Gibran

Sister Glo shares her glittery gems of love with LifeLube each Friday.

Friday is for Faeries

Every Friday